Uncle Bob

I talked to my uncle Bob the other day and he cried. Man, I love my uncle Bob. Once upon a time, he was the funniest, most wonderful man I knew. When I was seven he made Monstrous Goo (c) Uncle Bob, which is a delicious dish made up of random left over's in the fridge. I can't remember all of the ingredients in that very first batch (fried rice, gravy, egg, chicken...) but I do remember it always being super tasty. My family nickname is Bebo and uncle Bob sang and made up many songs about me that always included a variation of my name. Some were adapted from popular 80s commercials, like the Bumble Bee tuna commercial. Others were pure genius, like "Ms. B, from A-la-bam-ME." He made up other great songs too, like "T.V. Chick," "Meatloaf, why you so greasy?" and "I want to get Pooted on, Poot in my face." Every day he walked me and my neighbor, Crystal, to and from school, made us lunch and kept us laughing until our parents came home. He also taught me a distinct and somewhat complex tapping rhythm that I still remember (Uncle Bob is a very talented, world-traveling drummer who was once on the Tonight Show :) ). At the Hollywood Christmas parade, uncle Bob always sat me on his shoulders so that I could see Santa Claus and all the hoopla. He used to drink Mickey's beer and one time we played a trick on him. We took an old Mickey's beer bottle, filled it with apple juice, sat it in the refrigerator and waited for him or my uncle Doc to show up and claim it. He came in, smiled back at us befuddled, grinning at him like dorks, took a sip and frowned up. We fell out laughing (we were goofy and easily amused that summer) so he chugged the whole thing and never said a word. My uncle was the very first man I'd ever known to wear biker shorts. In the 80s, he rode my cousins ten-speed bike all over L.A. in a black pair adorned with a yellow banana patch placed right on the crotch that read: EAT MY BANANA.

I think I was in Jr. High school when he decided to move back to St. Louis. Uncle Bob is about 60 now. Him and my mother are only 11 months apart, that's how I keep track. He has 9 grandkids out here and one great granddaughter. He's only met the 9 once so he wants to come and visit soon. That's why we talked. He says he's making plans to come and visit and I can't wait to see him! The first thing he said to me when I answered the phone was "It's got cheeeeese on it!"

which is what I said to him at the tender age of 5 while trying to coerce him to eat a shoe :D I love that man so very much. If you read this far, thanks for walking down memory lane with me.

He's been spending the night every weekend

And it's getting old. I want my bed back, I want my freedom. Yesterday, he stopped by and I let him overhear me talking about my friends bonfire party this weekend at the beach so that he knows I have plans this weekend that don't include him. He's antisocial so he'd never want to go but I'll invite him anyway for good measure ;) Things have been good between us but I can feel the tension from time to time, like an argument is brewing. We'll disagree about something minor and rather than full out challenge me like he used to, he'll hold back because he knows it could lead to him being 86'd and there are way too many perks at my house that he doesn't want to lose :) It's okay that we disagree at times, just know when to fold 'em and walk away like I do. We'll agree to disagree and that's perfectly fine. I never have been one to enjoy arguing. Not every issue warrants a battle so pick and choose wisely.

Anyway, I need a break but I'm not sure how to tell him this without him taking it the wrong way. Ugh.

My hair

Here are the hair pics I said I'd post. In case you didn't read, I'm giving my semi-damaged hair a break from heat styling and now I'm trying to find a cute style I can wear natural. the bangs will no longer curl so they're straight, which looks a little odd to me. Maybe in a couple of months they'll at least wave up some.

The return of good friends, facebook, and glamour shots

This past Saturday I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in something like 20 years. She looks exactly the same, three kids later, and we picked up just about where we left off. I can tell precisely where she is in her life, too, and that's because I've been there. She's antsy, she's wondering what else she can discover about herself, feeling like she's stuck in a never-ending circle while life is going on without her. We ate, talked and shopped for about 4 hours. I came dressed for walking and shopping - tennis shoes, jeans, t-shirt. She came dressed to party - high heels, strategically ripped jeans, and sporting much cleavage. She talked about her husband and kids and the house they've outgrown, the backyard that's overgrown, and how she often fantasizes about the "what -if's" and what not. I related, told her about my time spent in her position and about my bucket list, my trip to Hawaii with my son, which was sort of a coming of age trip, and where I am now. I saw that she understood.

Her mom passed away this April and she's been putting on such a good face, but she just sent me a message on facebook today saying how on Father's Day she'd had somewhat of a melt down. Then, as if ashamed of being sad, her message perked up and she said "hey! Remember our talk about Bucket Lists?" I'd apparently inspired her to write her's out and one of the things she says she wants to do is take a bunch of glamour shots before she gets too old and stuff. lol. She's only 35. But I know exactly where she's coming from because a couple of years ago, I was right where she is.

Taking glamour shots isn't on my list of things to do but I have thought about it a time or two while perusing magazines and lingering over certain celebrity photo shoots. You look at some of these stars and know that they don't look as glamorous on a regular day as they do in those photos. They look happy and perfect and pensive all at once. So I told her "sure" I'd be down.

"Immortalize my shit," (c) Bill Bellamy.

So we're planning to do this. I'm doing it moreso for her and because I think it'd be fun. I think she's doing it because she has doubts about herself and needs affirmation from a bunch of pictures. Regardless of why either of us are doing it I'm sure it'll be great and we'll have something else to bond over.

Right after I read her message on facebook, I read another message from my aunt, my mother's younger sister in St. Louis. On June 8th, her teenaged son made a status update about family drama, lies, and "bullshit." I tried to cheer him up, impart some words of wisdom and he took them as me being snotty, trying to talk shit. After a while I stopped trying to defend and explain myself and just quit responding to him, realizing then that he was batshit crazy and the actual drama monger that he was describing in his update. Fast forward to yesterday and my other younger cousin, who is supposedly a minister, lol, chimes in on that same post from June 8th, trying to check me. Bewildered, I cussed her grown ass out. Then here comes the crazy shit talking teenage boy again, typing like a true lunatic and basically waging war on me. I tried to keep my cool but I was in total disbelief and told him that it was clear he had mental issues which he could keep,"fuck off." Then I deleted him from my friends' list. Next thing I know I'm having a back and forth battle on facebook with his mother, my aunt, who is supposedly grown and sexy, according to her facebook page. She's typing in all caps, I guess to get her point across, and leaving nasty messages on my voicemail. At some point she must realize how stupid she is. Or maybe not, which astounds me. I can't help but wonder what she feels she has accomplished. She certainly hasn't proven to be an adult or anyone with a shred of good sense. And she damn sure hasn't frightened me. I've decided to ignore her. Is she making plans to travel to California to keep it real? Lol, highly unlikely. But this is the culture of the internet, it seems. This week alone, just reading friends and family members' facebook pages I've seen how vicious and cowardly people can be while sitting behind a computer screen. Thankfully, this isn't my life. I'll be deleting my facebook page soon, maybe in about a week or so. Or maybe I'll just be deleting more people from my friends' list and logging on less. We'll see.

Give us free! (c) my curls

Last week I decided to set my hair free. No flat iron, no blow dryer or heat styling of any kind…indefinitely. I suspected that, as of result of stress, I was thinning out at bit on the top of my head and I couldn’t allow that to happen. Oh hell no. So I researched hair vitamins on the net (lol), placed an order, Googled “curly hair styles” and “curly hair care,” washed my ‘do, and have been curly ever since. I learned that I have a mix of 3A and 3B hair, and a small portion is damaged from all the years of heat styling; also, that I should nix any hair care product with alcohol, Lanolin, or paraffin in it because it ruins curly hair. I sort of feel handicapped now, like I’m all thumbs, because I can’t quite figure out what to do with my ‘do. Today I just re-wet it and let it hang to air dry. My bangs won’t curl anymore from all the heat styling, so I cheated just a little bit and bumped them with the curling iron this morning. I’ve been kind of creative with parting my hair and using tortoise shell barrettes, which is more than I can say for the last time I decided to set my hair free. I had no idea what to do with it then, so I either clipped it up, bunned it up, or left it down, which got boring fast. Honestly, I love my hairs’ texture; it just doesn’t go with my face, lol. Every hairstyle photo I downloaded from the net had a narrow faced model. My face is round. Big and round, in fact, so I have to have some sort of bangs. But I have no clue how to fashion curly bangs. I aim to find out, though. I’m going to find the perfect natural hairstyle for me if it kills me. I’ll post a picture soon.

LAKERS LAKERS LAKERS LAKERS LAKERS!!!!

That was a GREAT game! Whew! I thought I was going to have a heart attack. :D

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

When I take inventory of my life and some of the things that I've fought for and accomplished that I thought, at the time, would make me happy in the long run, I realize that not all of them actually have. I don't have a lot of regrets. Just a few that stand out to me like neon lights, and I can't get past them. They've been occupying prime real estate in my mind for a while now and I'm not sure what to do with them. I'm talking about things that I've done in the name of happiness, present or deferred. Back when I made these particular choices, I felt relief but never happiness. Now I'm wondering if that was relief because I thought that my choices would make me happy later. Later, I'd be happy. Not then and there. Not that day, but someday. What a gamble. I was planning to be happy. Yet now, 10, 15 years later all I am is remorseful. This is not meant to be a woe is me post. I'm just mulling over some stuff. As I posted yesterday, lately I've been floating on sunshine. That's what prompted this post - my sudden happiness. How do I control it? I went from stressed and miserable, to don't worry, be happy. lol. And I couldn't see it coming. It was suddenly just there. What's funny is, before it had shown up, I was in the throes of planning for it, going about each day frantically trying to do the things that I thought would make me happy, and none of it has. I just suddenly began to feel happy. Every day this week has felt like Friday and I'm not exactly sure why. Though I have a few ideas. Nothing that has convinced me yet, though. Which leads me to the conclusion that my judgment is clearly OFF, lol. All these years of practice and planning my happiness and I can't even say that I'm getting better at it. I'm probably mostly really getting lucky :)

Can happiness be learned? Can you plan it? Are you predisposed to it? I read somewhere that, to varying degrees, you are. I don't think anybody really knows. Every psych doctor has an opinion though (and a book about it). Happiness is personal, in my opinion. What makes me happy is totally unique to me. Now, if I could just figure out how to stay this way...I would.

When my son was little and he thought someone was sad or upset or scared he'd lovingly and sincerely instruct them to think happy thoughts, like Peter Pan. It was cute and it always made you smile.

I've had an abundance of great days lately...

...that I've neglected to write about. Sorry. Haven't felt like writing much so here's the rundown:

1. As it turns out, *Irwin wasn't behaving badly. His teacher was. We thought he'd ditched a class because his teacher had forgotten that he and another boy were working on a project FOR HER CLASS in the library, so she mistakenly marked him absent. And we were JUST about to inflict corporal punishment on him. "Oops" was all she had to say when confronted. Boy, if I wasn't civilized...

2. I still took *Irwin's phone, demanded the password, and went through it. What I found shook me to my core. One of his oldest and closest friends - they go back to third grade - just took Ecstasy :( He recently moved to the Inland Empire and met "a cute lil white girl" who gave him a brownie with it baked inside. I am dying to tell his super church-going father but I can't. He swore my son to secrecy and I'm not sure it's my business. What to do? what to do!? And how do I ensure that my son NEVER gets influenced? Oh man.

3. My ex has a theory that my son is slacking in school because all he can think about is "Coochie! Coochie! Coochie!" :/ I think he is correct.

4. I think I have a boyfriend. We went to sushi happy hour, got some frozen yogurt, and then went to the movies the other day. He sat through Sex and the City, two. Before that, we went to the museum and talked shit about European art (why does damn near every woman have a titty hanging out? lol). He cooked me dinner twice last week, too. I'm thoroughly enjoying his company. We've hung out three weekends in a row so far, and the only reason we aren't hanging out this weekend is because I have plans to hang out with a long lost girlfriend.

There's more but I'm being lazy.

5. Facebook does it again! I was found by an old high school girlfriend. We met in the tenth grade and were like rice and beans (inseparable) until my ex best friend shoved a wedge between us. Anyway, she sent me a private message, we added one another to our friends' list, I called her and ran off at the mouth, and the next day she texted me asking to hang out. So we're meeting each other in Santa Clarita this weekend - halfway between her home in Lancaster, and mine in Pasadena. I can hardly wait. It's been almost 20 years! (I'm aging myself, lol)

6. My son is passing every class this semester...despite having coochie on his brain. HALLELUJAH! It's by the grace of God, no doubt.

7. Just one hour ago, I completed something very near and dear to me. It was a long and exhausting road but I made it in one piece, standing tall. I'm so proud of me.

That's all I can think of right now. More tomorrow.

Oh, Irwin... *smh

As a parent, it’s natural to worry... right? Growing up, my mother worried constantly about me. If I wasn’t home from school at precisely the minute I usually walked through the front door, she was lacing up her sneakers and heading out to look for me. She walked me to the city bus stop every morning, waited with me, and kissed me goodbye in front of L.A. traffic, until I protested in the 8th grade. It didn’t matter to her that I was significantly taller than her, wore the same bra size that she did, and that people might mistake us for lesbians.

Until this day, my mom worries about me. Whenever I am out late, she demands that I call her as soon as I get home. And if I forget to call, she wakes me up in the middle of the night with a phone call, telling me she was worried. I’m 35 years old and my momma still worries about me. However, throughout all of my years, I have rarely ever done anything I wasn’t supposed to do. I was Old Reliable (still am, truth be told), you could count on me to do the right thing. So my mother never worried that I would do something wrong; she worried that someone else would do something wrong to me.

But my son? He’s just the flippin’ opposite of me. Even more naïve than I was because he was raised away from the inner city, but on top of that, he’s extremely hard headed. Visually, he is my spitting image but personality-wise we are night and day, onion and tomato, oil and water.

Being Old Reliable, I have done everything within my power that I can imagine to ensure that he stays on the straight and narrow. Yet all he’s done is try to figure out ways to outsmart me, failing every time. I am beyond frustrated and worried that he is going to grow up to be a huge loser… and I will die from worrying about him.

There are times when I try to have faith that he’ll be alright, and I try not to worry so much. I’ll compare him to other kids I know – his cousins, friends, my friends’ kids, etc. – and I realize that he is not sailing this boat to Losersville alone. In fact, many of them are worse off than he is. Which leads me to wonder, what the fuck is going on? Where the hell did we all go wrong?? On Facebook a few of his cousins and friends have added me to their friends’ list and 9 out of ten of them can’t spell or string a sentence together for shit. And they’re older than he is! And three of the main culprits have graduated high school. No college, though. Of course, they all still live at home, mooching off their parents, with very little indication that they will ever leave Losersville. I’m telling you, parenting is highly overrated.

This evening his father is coming over to bust up his shit. Literally. I’ll be removing the computer and cell phone from his possession asap. Otherwise, they, too, will get busted up. Dad is pissed, as he should be. Hopefully, this time though, his point will get across to that thick-domed one that is our son.

About the title: When he was much younger we used to call him "Irwin" after Danny Devito's character from the movie "Throw Mama From the Train." (Later, we found out that his characters' name was really Owen, but Irwin stuck) We'd tease him, saying "Irwin loves his mama." Well, today he's looking more and more like frickin' Irwin :( destined to be living with his mama until she dies.