It's one of those days...

*sigh

This Sunday's Musings - My Big Break

There was once a time when I wanted to be a contestant on The Wheel of Fortune. This was shortly after I had given birth to my son and began to consume large amounts of television programming as a hobby, since I was pretty much confined to the house with no sitter and nowhere to go. Every day I’d watch Pat and Vanna from my rocking chair and one day I figured I’d had the game down to a science, even how to spin the rigged wheel just right so as not to go bankrupt. I called down to channel 7 and was told that in order to become a contestant I would have to call back early in the morning on the first day of every month until they had enough contestants for the month. For about 4 months I did this, lol, never getting past a busy signal for hours. It’s funny to me now that I actually did this and was so hopeful about it and was trying so hard. I really wanted to be on that show. I thought it would be my big break. At the time, I couldn’t see or conceive of a better way to improve my life. I was trying to ice skate up hill, lol. These days I appreciate what time has given and taught me.

I’ve always had sort of a pioneering spirit. I inherited that from my mother and my grandmothers. I blogged once before about my paternal grandmother literally saving up pennies in order to buy her first home. How’s that for determination!? When I was in elementary school my neighbor and I tried our hand at a lemonade stand, like the white kids did on T.V. Turns out that folks don’t buy much lemonade in the inner city. Then in high school I sold candy bars that I was given as payment for volunteering for an organization. I made enough money to buy myself a couple of Esprit outfits and a book bag from TJ Maxx. Nobody could tell me jack! Haha. In eleventh grade, my English teacher asked me to join a young entrepreneur’s summer program at USC, but that same year I had landed a cool job selling merchandise at Disneyland and had just gotten fitted for my shoes and uniform. Naturally, I was torn. Disney was paying me, the summer program was not. So, it was a tough decision to make but, even though I was really proud of my interview for the Disneyland job, I thought the entrepreneur’s thing would be much more interesting and beneficial in the long-run. So I bid Mickey ado and spent my summer writing a business plan, learning how to invest in and follow stocks, shopping wholesale downtown and bought a bunch of stuff in bulk to sell at the flea market. I opened my first savings account, and pitched my business idea to venture capitalists for a micro loan when the summer ended. But by then I had also met a guy who commanded much of my attention. Fast-forward about two years later and there was my stint with sewing. My boyfriends’ sister taught me how to sew so I made a few smocks for work and got a couple of my coworkers to pay me to make them some, too. I was a new mom and hustling harder than ever. I still have that damn Bedazzler that I just knew was going to make me some money, lmao. So embarrassing. Anyway, for years I’ve dreamt of starting a business and working for myself. I’ve devoured many, many books on the subject and even had a business license and online store once upon a time, but something always got in the way of my plans. That ‘something’ has become a "9-5" habit now, a sort of safety net, but my grandiose childhood dreams still linger. I think if I was ever really going to do it, now is the time. I’m older, wiser, more established…and more frightened than ever! But I’m toying with the idea again, nevertheless. Maybe this time something will stick and end up being my big break :)

Lazy Sunday

The boys birthday was a hit. I cleaned the house up spic and span, ordered a big ass pizza (28 inches), bought a red velvet cake from Auntie Em's bakery (yummm!), let them stay up and act wild until 5am, took 4 of the 6 of them to see the new Harry Potter movie (it was great), and then made a breakfast of french toast, cheese egg-whites, turkey bacon and oj. My boy was happy. And I'm pretty proud of myself :) I am a kick-ass mom.

I want a shower bench. I'm tired of being a shower contortionist, trying not to cut myself while shaving my legs and jumping around on one leg in order to make sure that my feet get super clean. I want to be able to sit down and handle my business with patience and care. So I surfed on over to amazon.com, my go-to for all things unconventional and comparison shopping, and I think the bench that I found may be just what I need. Only caveat is I'm averse to its hundred dollar asking price. So it's sitting in my shopping cart while I ponder the strength of my ducket$ and my true desire to sit while I shower.

I've been wanting to remodel my kitchen since the day I first toured my house. It's been two years now and I've watched enough remodeling shows on the DIY channel to know that I don't and won't have enough money to do what I want for quite some time. I figured I'd need either a hefty raise at work, or a spouse to help me pay the bills. That is, until I started surfing the web for pictures of 1920s and 1940s bungalow kitchen remodels to lust over and found a government site that offers restoration grants for old homes :) There's hope! I'm planning to research the hell out of these programs and hope to God that I can get some free money to build my dream kitchen and mud room/laundry room.

I haven't done a thing today and I'm okay with that. At some point I'll climb out of bed and wash the dishes, wash my hair and body, and run an errand or two...before coming back home to climb right back into bed and continue my lazy Sunday.

Last Years Adventure to Walmart on Black Friday for a Hachi-Tachi-5000

(I wrote this last year and decided not to post it. My mood has changed so here it is)

I hate black Friday. To me, it's one huge rip off and scores of people fall for it each and every year. My mother fell victim this year and she and my step-pops camped out in front of Kmart after Thanksgiving dinner so that they could score a Hachi Tachi 5000, aka BIG ASS TV. She wanted the Sony 1080p Walmart was advertising but when they drove by Walmart after dinner "the line was wrapped around the store and down to King (Blvd)!" she told me.

A scuffle almost broke out in the line at Kmart twice. First, some lady bribed my step father, who was at the front of the line from 11pm until they opened at 6am, to save her a place in line in exchange for free breakfast when the store opened. My mama was mad as hell at him for agreeing to that after they'd slept in shifts and skipped a few nature breaks in order to maintain their position in line. Meanwhile, this woman was at home sleeping comfortably in her own bed with her place secured at the front of the line. 6am rolled around and the lady showed up as promised, all fresh and rested with two McDonald's breakfast platters for my Step-pops and the man behind him. Step-pops got thoroughly cussed out by my mom as a result.

Then, some other woman decides that she's not going to stand in line at all. She goes to the very front of the line and just stands there waiting for the doors to open, proclaiming that she "just wants to get in" and "has stuff to get" No shit, bitch! someone in the back yelled out. "We all 'just want to get in and got stuff to get!" She, too, got cussed out and almost beat up. My mama was riding hard on her, saying stuff like "What, you think we all just stood out here all night for fun?! blahblahbitchblah!" Eventually, the woman couldn't take the heat and went to the back of the line. Thank goodness because from the sounds of it, things might've gotten out of hand and it could have been a repeat of Walmart 2008 ending with somebody seriously wounded at the hands of an angry mob. The lengths Americans will go to for a sale, smh.

So moms and Step-pops were the first ones to make it into the store and only spent 100 dollars more than they'd wanted to spend. But they got their BIG ASS TV, the intended prize in all of this. Black Friday is like a sport, and I think the thrill is more in who can last the longest outside in the muck and end up saving the most. I stayed out of the streets until 6pm that evening, when I was sure most of the die hards were fast asleep at home, and I still won when I walked into Ann Taylor and found the blue dress that I had been drooling over for months on sale for $30, down from $120 :)

(I may do that again this year, actually)

Happy Labor (anniversary) Day to me!

It’s been a whole year already! This coming Friday my offspring, the fruit of my loins, my beautiful progeny will be turning 16 years old. Wow, how time flies! This year we’re having a simple slumber party with Red Velvet cake from Auntie Em’s Bakery and a 28 inch Giant Pizza from Two Guys. The plan is for all six teenaged boys to come over on Friday and spend most of the evening camped out in my living room with their sleeping bags, pillows and blankets while playing video games on the big TV. I’ll bake cookies (I bought a big tub of cookie dough from Costco the other day) and provide goodies and keep them from getting too unruly. We’ll eat the ginormous pizza, sing Happy Birthday, eat cake and stay up late. Then, on Saturday I’ll make a big breakfast before carting them off to the mall for a movie and to hang out. I think I’ll go see “For Colored Girls” while I’m there.

This year, my “big baby Huey” is 6 feet and 1 inch tall, wears a size 12 shoe, has a teensy bit more facial hair than last year, weighs about 180 pounds and is quite fond of his muscles. The other night he said to my mom “The beach is that way, I got the mountains right here,” referring to his arm muscles (I never said he wasn’t corny).

And still, “Owen loves his mama” © Mama, in Throw Mama from the Train.

I can hardly believe that in two more years he’ll be a full grown man…and I will have been a mama for 18 years. Two years from now will also mark the beginning of my worldwide travels! J I will officially have no more major responsibilities keeping me rooted to one place! Yippeeee!

Sunday night musings

- I should be sleeping.

- What causes that flat booty w/ the lump on the top? I saw a lady with this the other day limping across the street. Her ass cliffed and then sloped :( I fear this. What is that?! muscle loss? too much sitting? oh, dios mio, I pray I am never afflicted with it.

- it's kind of refreshing when you realize that someone you used to have a major crush on is now a dork. No, this is not a reflection on me and my choice in love interests because I was fooled into thinking he was the business. But uncovered he is essentially a doofus :) and that empowers me because I used to feel so intimidated. HA! Not anymore jack! Kiss the ring, sucka!

- I have a good kid and I encourage him to speak up and express himself. He's not as vocal as I am, which might be a good thing, lol, but he's not a passive pip squeak either. I bought him a new phone for his birthday and he has programmed it to say "What's gooood, n*gggggaaaaa!?" from the cartoon The Boondocks, every time he gets a text message...which is often. I'm conflicted. I probably wouldn't be if I weren't sick of hearing that sh*t.

- I need a few new friends. I feel myself slipping away from some of my current ones who are either behaving too young or too old. For instance, one does nothing but play games on Facebook all day, needing four more pies or what have you for her virtual bakery, and the other does nothing but behave like a 22 year old. I don't tweet and crocheting puts me to sleep. Then there are the friends who actually are still wading through their twenties so they behave thusly and have no clue about beans. What am I to do? Don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly. I just need some like-minded folks to vibe with every now and then.

- This new chick at my job has stirred up a fashion frenzy within me. She comes to work everyday put together so...cute, that it has inspired me to actually put some effort into my look daily. Whereas before I worked with nothing but slobs who don't know fuchsia from mauve, a blazer from a suit jacket, and never inspired me to be anything but comfortable. I was one step away from petitioning to HR to wear sweats to work. Yes, it was bad. But then along came this racially ambiguous chick with great style and a fantastic manicure and voila! I'm pulling out 5 inch heels that I usually only wear on very special occasions and rocking them all day at work, pinstripes and blazers and cigarette skirts, oh my! She has invited me to go thrifting with her one day and I think I may have accepted a bit too eagerly, lol. I hope I haven't ruined what could prove to be a very beneficial new friendship for me. I've been trying to play it cool ever since, lol.

- Serioulsy? Like... I need a handsome penis with a very nice man attached to it. It'd be nice if he could look like Don Lemon from CNN and be handy in the kitchen like Chef Ramsey. What? A girl can dream.

- Okay, it's 10:43pm...on a Sunday. I really ought to try to be sleeping right now. Good night.

What’s on my Kameela-Ass-list (KAM)?

It’s funny how whenever I’ve come to the end of a relationship with a man I feel an incredible sense of freedom, the sun seems to be shining just a little bit brighter, I have an extra pep to my step, and the road ahead seems endless and ripe with discovery and opportunity. It’s an odd mixture of jubilation and sadness though. It’s always disappointing when something you tried to do doesn’t work out. But for the most part I’ve always welcomed being alone with myself again. With this recent breakup, however, the sun isn’t shining as bright. I enjoyed being a unit even when he got on my nerves. And I honestly tried with him but, at this point in my life, I know exactly when trying is futile. So the other day I sat and thought about what I want in a man. I’m sort of pessimistic and think that finding my “list” is going to take more work that I care to put in. Therefore I’m preparing myself to be alone. Here’s some of what I came up with:

• Must not smoke cigarettes, crack, marijuana, dope of any kind, legal or not. I might be willing to budge a little on the cigs and weed, as long as I can't smell it.
• No alcoholics.
• Must be at least 5’6 inches tall
• Cannot be a control freak. I want a partner, not a boss.
• Cannot be overly traditional. I don’t want to be domestic servant.
• Must have integrity and be faithful
• Has to be family oriented and respectful of mines
• No ex-cons, regardless of the crime
• Must be hardworking and employable
• Must be relatively self-sufficient, considerate, and kind
• Cannot dress ghetto-fab, no socks with sandals, no track suits/linen suits/jumpsuits, no velour or velvet (unless it’s a very fashionable sports coat/blazer), nothing cheaply made, no knock off tennis shoes, no high-water pants, etc.
• No gold teeth or chemicals in the hair
• Cannot be a cheap skate
• Has to be in a position to pay for dinner/movies/most dates
• Has to be intelligent
• Has to be able to make me laugh and have a great sense of humor
• Must be down to earth, have confidence but not be a cocky-asshole
• Must be driven

I think this is a good start. There’s more that I can’t think of right now, but I’ll know it when I see it.

me shooting me

I bought a new Nikon Coolpix camera that I just love. It's compact (my old camera was not), fits snuggly in my clutch, and it has a touch screen that is way cool (c) my teenage niece. Way more bells and whistles than that old clunker I've retired. It's the bee knees, basically.

This is me playing around with it a bit

It wasn't working out

So I've decided to be single again. Conflict of interests. Unresolved bullshit. Finito. Over. Kaput.

This might be premature since I haven't officially told him yet. As I type this we are texting one another back and forth, nearing the end of our communications. However, unless there is a surprise turn of events, I already know the ending to this story and I've accepted it. He will disagree and try to weasel his way out of facing the truth (currently taking place via text). I will shove said truth directly in his face and pin it on his forehead (done). He'll deny, deny, deny, despite the truth staring him right in the face (starting to happen now). I'll remain calm and resolute. He'll eventually relent, realizing there's no way out. Peace will resume and life will go on. I predict this will play out all afternoon. There's no telling when peace will actually show up. It depends on how invested he is in protecting his lies. But as far as I'm concerned, I am single.

About two hours ago, I showered, curled my hair (the entire HEAD! And it was CUTE!), put on some eyeshadow, mascara, bronzer and lip gloss. Then I poured myself into this really cute spandex striped dress that gathers on the sides (ruched?), put on some high heels and strutted out of my hotel room...only to strut right back in an hour later, disgusted. It's midnight and I'm in my pajama's, on the computer. Any other Saturday night this wouldn't be an issue, except this Saturday night I'm in Las Vegas, the city that never sleeps. But guess what I'm about to be doing in, oh, about 20 more minutes? Yes, sleeping.

I'm so disgusted. And I'm never doing this again. We were supposed to go dancing, just like last year, and have a good time. Just like last year! But instead they wanted to go downtown and gamble. I hate downtown Vegas. It stinks, usually. It's depressing and full of bums. And I'm not big on gambling either.

I feel like I've wasted a weekend. Who goes to Vegas and doesn't party? Ugh. Nobody better not ask me to drive home tomorrow, either. I'm putting in my ear buds and listening to my ipod all the way home. The ice grill will be cocked and loaded.

Good night. I hope your Saturday is better than mines.

The trip is BOOKED!

Flights? - Check!

Hotel? - Check!

Central location in San Fran? - Check!

Excited? - CHECK!!! :)

So far, three of my pal's have agreed to join me on this "Girls' Weekend/Birthday Celebration Trip."One is booking her flights tomorrow, same as mines, because she doesn't want to fly alone. I have a fantastic itinerary planned, too. I really did my homework :) Happy Birthday to me! (in January)

Rhyann's 1st Halloween :)