Foreign businessmen

I returned the video cameras I'd purchased and was going to place outside my house to spy on potential criminals with, like my neighbors.  The instructions were written in broken English.  I couldn't understand what the hell I was supposed to be doing with those cameras and, while reading the instruction manual and having flashbacks of my last unfavorable dealings with the Chinese over a pair of fake Ugg boots, I suddenly wanted my $205 dollars back, immediately.  I submitted my request for a refund through Amazon and, as expected, I got an email wanting to know why I wanted my money back:

 Sorry for the inconvenience caused by this.
>    Did you feel difficult to setup it up? Here have a video of how to setup and set the remote viewing for your information:

Also, we can arrange our tech-support to contact to help you solve the problem you meet. Did you need our tech-support to help you ?

Yeah, no. I can't do business with a business that sends emails like this. If I can't understand you, we cannot communicate properly. And if we cannot communicate properly, someone will be misunderstood.  And if one of us misunderstands the other, then I have no faith that my needs will be met, therefore, you aren't getting my money.  Furthermore, if I suspect that you are operating in another country, I will assume that you can and will run off with my money leaving me high and dry with no legal leg to stand on. How can I force someone in China to give me my money back? Psht, I won't be waiting around for that answer, sorry.
If I happen to change my mind about installing surveillance cameras around my house I'll go buy them from Costco, instead.  So my neighbors are safe from my wrath...for now.

Ass, ass, ass, make that ass clap. Drop it to the floor, make that ass shake

Just about every day I’ve been making a lunch time hike all the way across campus to the cafeteria hoping to run into a guy who clearly isn’t interested in me.  Haha. He’s just so good to look at.  I have no idea if he’s gay, straight, or married.  Nor do I know whether he’s a doctor, nurse, or technician.  I just spotted his magnificent ass (literally, his posterior) slightly bent over a hot tray of green beans one day when I was perusing the cafeteria, hungry as hell, looking for something edible. *ahem.  He was wearing light blue scrubs that day so, just like pajamas, the fabric left little to my imagination.  Firm, perfectly shaped and absolutely poppable, it was. Later I noticed that he is also tall with a nice chest and arms.  So either he is a gym rat or he comes from the loins of Adonis. Either way, I’m thankful.  I was on my cellphone that day and when I’d finally gotten in line to pay for my food, I saw him standing at the cutlery dispenser machine, facing me.  He must’ve felt my eyes all over him because he looked up and for just a moment, we locked eyes.  I was staring, he glanced and turned away.  No worries, though. I don’t know enough about him to take offense or be bothered by it.  All I know is that he is a feast for my eyeballs and I’d like to see him again. Yum. 

Much ado about nothing

I did nothing I set out to do yesterday afternoon. I’d written a list of things to do before leaving work yesterday. It was my only free afternoon/evening until Friday of this week so I wanted to be productive. Yet I got home and did none of what I’d planned to do. Well, I cooked dinner, that’s about the only thing from my list that got done. Sad, aint it? My dog distracts me, he’s just SO CUDDLY! © Little girl from Despicable Me. Plus the 2nd Presidential debate was on TV and I wanted to see it since I’d missed 75% of the first one. I have to get a strong hold of my time. All I seem to be doing is wasting it nowadays and that’s not good for all these plans I have. Granted, I don’t want to run myself ragged – going to work every day and then filling my evenings every night with things other than eating and resting – but I’ve got to do something. I can’t sit around waiting for things to happen to me. I want way too much. My supplemental property tax bill arrived in the mail yesterday, too, and even though I have my mortgage company take out a little with my monthly payment all year long, that high number on the bill still sank my stomach. I hate that I have to pay damn near 5k a year on property taxes on my little old house. So, of course, I checked to see if property values had declined in my area so that maybe I could be reassessed for a smaller amount, but no dice. It seems real estate is making a major rebound here. Dah well. I hear that interest rates are the lowest they’ve been in YEARS but I don’t know enough about refinancing to feel confident doing so. Too much to do and learn, and there’s no room at the top of my list for learning how to refinance right now, unfortunately. But no complaints here. I’m alive and well and moving and shaking. Life is good.

I think I'm coming down with something.  Either that or I am majorly exhausted.  My eyes burn and ache deep in their sockets.  That can't be good.  Today I drove all the way out to Thousand Oaks to visit a friend and hang out with a few other women.  One hour driving 70 mph in one direction.  It was indeed a trek.  But she's worth it.  It just sucks that the best of my friends are always so far away in this stretched out city. The drive back at 6 p.m. was beautiful, watching the sunlight leave its final streaks across hills, valley's and mountains. We sat outside by the pool, sipping various drinks, eating Thai food, watching her two bunnies hop around, and talking for hours.  I'm hoping that's why my eyes hurt and it's not because I'm coming down with something. I have too much to do to be sick right now.  No time to be out of commission.
I'm thinking about cutting all of my hair off and starting over.  I haven't lost my mind just yet, lol. I'm just trying to go natural and since I've been straightening my curls w/ a flat iron or some other type of heating device for the past 20 years, my hair is no longer as healthy as it used to be.  I've almost destroyed it so the curl pattern is not so much curly anymore.  It's wavy and straight and all out of whack.  In addition to having a healthy head of hair, I'd also like a healthier body so I'm going to slowly start to change my diet, which means I'm cutting out fast food first and foremost.  Eliminating sugar will undoubtedly be the hardest but I aim to do it.  I've gotten so out of shape and unhealthy, and I'd really rather not live my last days aching and paining or about to die of a heart attack.  I need my stamina and my waistline back.  I don't want to be a whale.
It's 10:30.  I can't fight it any longer; I'm going to bed.

My mom called at 10 am to say they'd be over by noon. I'd just sat up in bed at 10 am. It's a Sunday, I really dont feel like entertaining. I have too much to do today. Stuff that I didnt get done yesterday because they threw me off, calling me up at 8am to say that they'd be over by 10am so that I could help rent a car. I'm slightly annoyed and dont want to be bothered. So I called my mom back and asked if they could come by at 4pm instead, I have too much to do. She said okay. Now I'm on the gotdamn clock and have to make sure I'm done with everything I need to do by 4 friggin o'clock. Ugh. I hate being rushed, especially on my weekends. I spend all week rushing around until I finally go to bed; the last thing I want to do is spend my weekends rushing around. I havent been to the farmers market snce we got our dog in June. I havent been on a leisurely walk around my neighborhood by myself, without a dog pulling me since June. I'm tired of this shit. Yesterday I spent $101 dollars at Petco. All I bought was dog food and snacks for one dog. Clearly, I need to be in the dog business. My house never stays clean now that my son has graduated and hasnt found a job but adopted a needy dog, instead. I feel like I've started parenting all over again. I'm fantasizing about the day when they both move out and I can redecorate without them messing stuff up. I might even be able to buy a light colored sofa. I love everyone I'm complaining about but whats love got to do with it? Love is why I'm frustrated. If it werent for love, I wouldnt be $101 dollars lighter and complaining about it, I'd have a light colored sofa, and I'd have my weekends and farmers market runs back. I'd better get up, shower, wash blow dry and flat iron my hair, so that I can run to Target, Ralph's, Marshall's, Ross, the ATM, and the UPS store before 4 o'clock. Next weekend, I'm taking my life back.

I used to have a neighbor whose husband beat her almost daily.  Her name was Nicky and this was back when I lived in an apartment with my mom during my teens.  Nicky and her husband’s bedroom was directly below mines so I could often hear him punching and kicking her, yelling and berating her, even calling her mother on the phone to tell her what an awful daughter she had, all while Nicky cried and moaned.  Some days she wouldn’t come outside. I think it was because he didn’t want people to see her bruises.  But then, when she did emerge from their dirty apartment she was usually giggly, jovial, and all smiles.  And she had a really wide mouth so those smiles were huge, even despite her missing a few teeth.  She and I had become friends probably because we were somewhat close in age – she was 21 and I was going on 16. I remember she once told me that she loved sucking her husband’s breasts and found him to be incredibly sexy.  He looked like a gross, potbellied, stinky ogre to me, hair always unkempt and t-shirt always dingy.  She had two small children at the time, both under 24months old, and the four of them lived in that apartment with her mother-in-law, who never said a word about her son beating Nicky.  In fact, no one did until one day word on the block was that the neighborhood gang members were planning to catch Tom, her husband, and beat him. Tom heard about this so he stayed locked inside their apartment for weeks.  I can’t remember if I had ever asked Nicky why she stayed with him.  I probably didn’t at age 15/almost 16, but I think I might now, at age 37.  I just came to believe that there was something about their toxic relationship that she loved.  Maybe it was the passion of the beatings, all of her senses fully engaged, that made it a drug for her.  Adrenaline is addictive, isn’t it?  They’d usually end up having sex afterwards.  Or maybe she had never known love any other way.  I figured it wasn’t for me to understand.  After they moved away I often wondered about her, hoping he hadn’t killed her or put her in the hospital, hoping that their children were safe and happy.  Clearly, I still wonder.

Graham crackers for breakfast

Because I can’t bring myself to walk all the way across campus to the cafeteria for pancakes or French toast. It’s one of those mornings. So glad it’s Friday, though. And the first day of fall is tomorrow :) I’m so ready for hot cocoa and fuzzy socks, comfort food, dreary days and blustery nights. I’m planning to have my crock pot and oven doing overtime as soon as it the temperature drops. It’s cooler than it has been but not cool enough to crank up the oven. Last night both my son and I had to leave our puppy for 3 hours, alone at home in his crate and he was so utterly distraught. His front paws were soaked up to the joints with his drool and his heart was pounding by the time I’d come home to let him out. And then, he was so worked up, that he ran all through the house and outside into the yard. I hate when he’s like this. It’s so hard leaving him and not being able to calm his fears. He’s such a sweet, obedient puppy, he doesn’t even bark at us. This weekend I’m going to try to train him to be alone in the house without us. I just don’t know if he’ll be able to stay inside without being in his kennel and not destroying the place. I’ve become so attached to him.

My neighbros are scallywags

They are absolutely despicable human beings who have the nerve to go to church faithfully every Sunday. Or maybe they’re getting dressed up and pretending to go, haha. They certainly need to. Repent, you bastards! Anyway, a couple of weeks ago the dad had the nerve to try to wave at me. Don’t wave at me unless you’ve got my thousand dollars, you rat bastard. His elderly father sideswiped my parked 2012 car on the very first day of my vacation in July. How do I know? Because I hadn’t left the house all day – I was on vacation – and when I did finally go outside to leave, it was just after his father had left and his kids said “that looks like grandpa’s paint” on my car. We share a driveway with nothing in between us. Two days later my lousy neighbor went out and put an alarm on that tuna can of a Honda he rides around in, which aint nothing but guilt. 5 years I’ve lived next door to him and he’s just now deciding he needs an alarm on that raggedy ass piece of shit car with a million dents and scratches on the sun-scorched paint job? Really!?!? And last night I caught that sneaky asshole hiding in the dark crouched down between my car and his wifes mini van doing something. If it weren’t for Axl begging me to take him out into the front yard, and my neighbors young son saying “hey dad! Whatcha doin’?” all loud, I wouldn’t have even noticed him stooped down in the dark quietly shielding a big spotlot. So today I ordered a surveillance system from Costco. That’s right; I am putting cameras up around my house and if I see one funky act or even him loitering around my property suspiciously, my entire wrath will come down upon his square-assed head.

Another Halloween is approaching.  This holiday is always the most memorable to me because something dramatic happens around it almost every year.  The last two Halloweens, my ex tried to reconcile.  The first time I wasn’t feeling it.  The second time I gave it a shot and we failed miserably. This year, there’s no chance in hell either of us will even be speaking to one another, let alone trying to reconcile.  But I still love this holiday so I’m not going to let the past ruin it for me.  I’m not dressing up this year, unless I manage to find a party to attend. But I do hope to hand out candy for once.  When I first bought my house in ’08, I was so excited about the prospect of giving out candy.  I bought tons of it, too.  Only to discover that folks these days suck at Halloween and all the kids stick to one street simply because their parents are too lazy and paranoid to do it the right way.  As you may have guessed, it’s not my street that they venture to, it’s Orange Grove Blvd.  Droves of parents drive and park, drive and park, all up and down that street while their children knock on 10 to 20 doors begging for candy.  And then they go home and that’s that.  So if I want to give out candy I’m going to have to go to someone else’s house this year.  But Halloween lands on a Wednesday, so more than likely I’ll just be home chilling with my dog.  Or shit, maybe I’ll take him out for a walk so he can get excited and try to clobber all the children we encounter.  He’s an extremely excitable dog. On his profile at doggy day care it states “Axl is a goofy puppy and should be placed in a group with similar puppies and older dogs that can gently correct him, but not overly-correct him.”  I took him there today and he was on level ten with his excitement. Poor pooch could barely control himself.  He really likes being around his own kind. 

If I Had A Boyfriend Right Now...

...we'd be making plans to go to this tomorrow - A Taste of Old Pasadena! Enjoy a walking sampling tour of the best Old Pasadena restaurants in one evening! Over 30 restaurants are participating, this is going to be so fun! More info here: http://www.oldpasadena.org/gc_calendar_detail.asp?cal_id=2148 Then after that, we'd go check out a movie with drinks at Goldclass Cinemas. Or maybe just back to my house to sleep. For the fall, and the first rain/snow, we'd have reservations to stay in a cabin up near Mt Baldy. We'd pick up groceries and movies on the way up so we wouldnt need to leave the cabin for anything except to maybe watch a sunset or the stars at night. Or maybe we'd be making plans to go to the lake for some fishing and canoodling, and what-not. If I had a boyfriend right now, we'd be catching each other up on Dexter and all of our other weekly shows. I'd get to try all these new tricks I've been practicing in my head on imaginary Dhani Jones and imaginary Michael Ealy. I've gotten pretty good at them. Who knows how much longer I'll have to use them. I damn sure aint getting any younger. My boyfriend would like my dog and wouldnt mind chilling with him when I need to take The Boy somewhere that I cant lug the dog. And because he cares about me, he'd be willing to go to Disneyland for Mickey's Annual Halloween Haunt with me. If not there, then a hayride or something. Hey, at least I wouldn't ask him to dress up...this year :) I love this time of year when the weather dips and the days are shorter. The only thing I miss is having someone to snuggle up indoors with.

It's been a while

I haven’t really been in the mood to write about my life or anything, really.  A lot has happened, of course. I’m still living J  Went to a cool concert at the Hollywood Bowl to see Jeffrey Osborne, Freddie Jackson, Mindi Abair, Euge Groove, etc., The Boy graduated (did I post about that? I don’t recall), and I got a new fence…um, that’s all I can think of that’s noteworthy to me.  Oh, and a friend of mines got married and other one got engaged.  Other than that, I’ve just been piddling around, a hermit for the most part. I haven’t wanted to get out and do anything. Or, nothing I’ve been invited to do has appealed to me, and now it’s beginning to weigh on me.  I need to get out and meet some people.  I’m starting to miss black folks, lol.  I realized this a few weeks ago when I took The Boy to get a haircut in north Pasadena up near Altadena.  I went to drop him off but I wanted to ask the new barbers how much they would charge, so I parked the car and went inside with him and his friend Kai.  The looks I got from those men were blush-worthy.  Boy had I missed that.  I had been feeling so old and undesirable. And all it took was a pair of yoga pants, flip flops and a tank top, and a drive to the other side of town to remind me that I still got it.  Then, the other day while I was on the phone with my mom, my cousin stopped by her house to bring her a plate of fried fish and oysters, which also made me miss “home.” I could practically smell that delicious fish through the telephone.  Black men and fried fish is what I need in my life right now. Ha. I’m thinking about putting the dog in the car, driving up the hill to Altadena/north Pasadena, and getting out and walking him around a few blocks in my yoga pants, lol.

Move, dog

This dog of mine is a bug-a-boo. He follows me around the house licking my legs (especially if I’ve just showered and I’m still wet) or whatever body part of mine happens to be closest to his mouth. He rides my heels all through the house, sits on me with his unwiped butt and lays on me whenever I am on the couch. He doesn’t make a sound except for when he’s yawning or the pitter patter of his toe nails on the hardwood floor when he’s moving about. He whines from time to time like toddlers do, and he only barks when he sees another dog, is frustrated, or scared. Since he broke out of his last metal kennel and hurt himself in the process, I bought him a plastic kennel like the ones pets travel in on planes. He sleeps in it fine but has a fit when he gets locked inside and/or left alone in it. For some reason, he really wants to sleep in my room at night instead of in my sons room. But doggy farts are ferocious, they’ll wake you up at night and keep you up in disgust. Plus, he sometimes has weird dreams that prompt him to bark or yelp in his sleep, which is startling. So he is not allowed to sleep in my room anymore and this seems to sadden him. Oh well! I look at him and hope that sooner or later he understands that life is full of disappointments. He’s a smart puppy though. He knows that I leave for work every morning so he tries his best to make me stay. He barrels through the house, following me from room to room and won’t even go outside to play because he thinks that if he sticks by my side that I won’t be able to leave his sight. Poor thing. Sorry, Poochie, mama’s gotta make a living. We have to find a way to teach him that if I don’t go to work I won’t have money to feed him or buy him toys. Right now he’s likely just thinking that I’m abandoning him for a very long time every day and he’s becoming increasingly pissed about it. He barked at my son for no apparent reason yesterday and was trying to get tough. Google says that he’s going through the “terrible teens” but my boy wasn’t having it. He locked him inside his crate. Then after I’d taken him for his evening walk, he came into my room and was frustrated because he couldn’t climb into my bed with me (it’s too high up off the floor) so he barked and barked and got thrown into my sons room for the rest of the night. I don’t have the patience for aggravated small children or frustrated dogs, those days are LONG gone. So this is going to have to change and soon. I like him and all, and I think he’s a cool little dog but I haven’t the patience for his tantrums at all. I’d much rather save my money, my carpet, my yard, and my sanity than have to deal with his shenanigans so he’d better get it together if he knows what’s best for him. Maybe he’s not that smart after all.  Shit, I just spent $60 on a bag of dog food alone, yesterday.  And that money was FELT in my wallet.  Since we rescued him I've had a running tab in my head and he's not anywhere near worth as much as I've spent on him.  Pet ownership is worthless.  Especially since, as tough as some people think he is as a pitbull, I know full damn well that he'd sooner lick an intruder to death than attack him.

Here he is w/ his squeaky bunny toy

my tree's hate this guy ^^^

Rosebowl Flea Market

After living more than 15 years of my life in Pasadena I finally went to the RoseBowl Flea Market to see what it is all about. I’d heard tales of it being phenomenal, humongous, filled with wall-to-wall deals and action, and I’d even seen glimpses of it on some of my favorite HGTV shows, but I still wasn’t prepared for it all this past Sunday as I strolled in carrying my Japanese wagasa (bamboo and paper-painted parasol) to protect me from the hot August sun. Every inch of that giant stadium was occupied by a vendor selling something and everything, from food to furniture, to unique, vintage and new items. And with the heat following me around like a nagging, whiny child, there was no way in hell I could see it all in one scorching day. I probably didn’t even see 25% of it. After spending an hour traipsing in that sun I began panting and feeling like heat-stroke was creeping up on me. But I did score. I found a cute, red and white collapsible picnic basket for $10! And the one I’ve been eyeing for months that’s regularly priced $150 was there, too, for only $55!! But I have no need for it right now so I’m debating whether or not to go back and get it for later. I’ll use the red $10 collapsible one I bought for my trip to the Hollywood Bowl this month since the seating there is cramped and won’t comfortably allow a big wicker basket with glasses, tableware, and ceramic plates inside. I also bought some acrylic paints and got a free ticket to the fair just for going to the flea market; another excuse to have fun. I collected a few business cards from vendors selling unique stuff that I might want to buy later. Two of them are online, thankfully. I’ll wait until it cools down a bit to go back and check out the rest of the joint. Then I’ll be more prepared to haul all of my purchases in a rolling shopping cart like I saw a lot of other people doing.

A funny thing happened after my stay-cation a couple of weeks ago. I became inspired to go on “vacation” every chance I get, even during my workweek and especially during my weekends. After all, why should I reserve living for just one to two weeks per year when I’m alive all year? I no longer have the responsibility of taking care of a child. My only responsibilities are going to work, feeding and walking the dog (and that’s really not even my responsibility, it’s my sons), and making sure my soon-to-be 18 year old son doesn’t veer off course every now and then. I have more freedom now than I’ve had in 18 years and, at first, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it all. So I started a list. And that “list of things to do” during this last vacation ended up extending well beyond my two weeks off and I’ve taken to finishing what I didn’t get to accomplish from the list, picking up where I left off once work began again, and adding new things to it practically every day, as well. Some people come to California for a vacation. I LIVE here all year long so, essentially, I can have a vacation every hour I am away from work. And since I work roughly 40hours per week that leaves about 128 hours of vacation time remaining for me to enjoy J And there are soooooo many things to do in here. Skiing, wine tasting, kayaking, hiking, surfing, sand castle building, Channel Island hopping, sight-seeing… the list goes on and on and on! No need to wait until I have a stretch of time off from work again, or until my money is “right.” It may never be “right” lol. So long as my bills are paid and my fridge is stocked and I have some KMA (kiss my ass) money in the bank, my money is perfect. That’s all I need to maintain in order to live happily and relatively secure, which is what I am all about – happiness and security.

*This is sort of an addendum to the post below it.

At 2am this morning I’d had enough of my dog stinking up my bedroom with his gas so I decided to get up and let him out to relieve himself, and while outside I happened to glance up at the sky and got a remarkably clear view of our closest constellations, despite all the light pollution coming from my neighbors’ security spotlight. Nothing but the stillness of a black speckled sky and the sound of a bloated old cricket to keep us company as Axl rooted around in the backyard for the perfect spot to take a poop. It reminded me that I need to go stargazing before the end of this month so I added it to the long list of things I want to do before my social life comes to a slow crawl in September. So far, I’ve checked off 5 items from that list: happy hour sushi with drinks outdoors, free jazz in the park, catching a movie with lemonade, skinny fries and sliders at Gold Class Cinemas (I’m doing that again, though, as soon as Taken 2 comes out), checking into a hotel where I swam, relaxed and ordered room service, and a spa pedicure (this may also be repeated). Other things listed are:
• a pier rollercoaster ride,
• make cotton candy,
• make ice cream,
• paint front door yellow,
• go to the Aquarium of the Pacific,
• catch an outdoor movie,
• enjoy my new fenced in front yard,
• thrift shop and flea market hunt,
• get a massage,
• attend a concert at the Hollywood Bowl (already got tickets),
• beach bonfire
• etc.

All of this will certainly make the most of what’s left of the summer, before fall arrives and the days get shorter, colder, and more harried with my upcoming schedule. It’s kind of like filling up on joy and stockpiling for later. Seeing the stars always makes me happy and whimsical and the sky last night totally filled me up in that brief moment that I was able to look up and see them… before I had to chase and, ultimately, cajole Axl back into the house with doggy treats. I knew I should have taken him out on a leash. He just ruined his chance to go to the dog park. Crazy dog.

Did I even take a vacation?

I can't even remember anymore.  I've been back at work for one week and it feels like I never left.  Let alone for two whole weeks!  When's my next break from this monotony, Christmas? Bleh.  This is not how I want my life and I never couldve imagined living it this way.  I am about to grind harder than ever before to make changes and change habits because things have got to change.  I can't go on living this way. It's killing me slowly.  Painstakingly slow.  I sit all day long and then I get home and I'm too tired to do anything.  What the hell kind of sense does that make?  Better yet, what kind of LIFE does that make??  Exhausted from sitting and typing.  Pathetic!  My reason for being is not to sit on my ass all day in front of a computer, obeying its every command.  Surely, I was meant for much more than that.  And if I ever hope to get and enjoy my own home in Hawaii before I'm either too old or dead, I'd better start making changes right now.  The first change I've made thus far is that I haven't shopped (except for doggy toys and miscellaneous puppy necessities.  Who knew I'd fall in love with a dog!?!?) in about a month, and I plan to keep this trend going.  The second is I've enrolled in school and plan to hit the books hard for the next couple of years, or until my goal is reached; whichever comes first.  The third and most difficult is, although I am struggling immensely with it, I have managed not to eat out (on my own dime) for a month.  I've been cooking and getting more creative with my meals.  Oh, and now that I am a dog owner, I go for walks/runs more often.  At first I called myself walking the dog but I quickly realized that he was walking ME!  In fact, he runs me.  My two long legs are no match for his four short ones.  As soon as I open the front door he's trying to drag me down the street.  And he's only 8 months old.  I can only imagine how difficult it will be to walk with him when he's older and stronger.  By then I'd better either be yoked up with muscles or have someone else doing it.  Maybe I'll hire a dog walker when that happens.   (And yes, he is in puppy training for that.  And yes, I know how to walk my dog. I just allow him a loose enough leash to roam and smell all the flowers and bushes he wants to stick his little nose in. I draw the line at poop sniffing, though.  And crosswalks. And jumping on passerbys). 
My raison detre has changed.  Or better still, it has dawned on me that I am not living the life I was intended to live.  The one that would make me happiest.  I'm more mindful of my future now and what's most important to me, what matters. I've sifted through more than enough bullshit to come to that understanding.  Most people I know...don't matter, lol.  Most people I don't know...don't matter.  What matters is my health, happiness, safety, and security, and within those buckets are a few people I know, more money in my accounts, longer walks with my dog, and this beautiful, wondrous planet I live on.  Viva la vacacion!

Sometimes I wish someone had neutered ME

The men in my life don't like that I had my 8 month old puppy neutered.  They think I should have had his ears cropped instead. The way I see it I rescued him from death at a shelter, so  his purpose in life is not to fight (ear cropping is common with fighting dogs) or procreate (contributing to more unwanted puppies being euthanized), it is to live peacefully and happily as my family dog, spoiled and well taken care of.  Thursday he was neutered and by Friday morning he was playing as though nothing at all had occurred.  We had to stop him from running and jumping and rough housing his toys so that he wouldn't reopen his incision.  The most anguish he had was over us leaving him with strangers in a cage.  He slept through the surgery and woke up with a cone attached to his collar.  Now, his raison de'tre is to play, eat, sleep, and be happy.  What could be better than that?  He won't have the sexual desires that frustrate other dogs and human, alike.  He won't risk life and limb getting to a dog in heat (95% of dogs hit by cars are un-neutered male dogs roaming around looking for sex).  He has no idea what a dog in heat is or what it's like to mate with one (he's a virgin) so he'll never miss sex.  At first, the men I know had me feeling sort of like a bad puppy parent.  But then I went to Google (and utilized rational thought) and I realized that Axl, my dog, is better off without his testes.  In fact, I sort of envy him. If someone had neutered me, I wouldn't have put up with all of my past lovers' bs, I wouldn't go through the same annoying motions over and over again with new lovers, and I wouldn't hope to find what doesn't exist.  Instead, I'd be so much more productive, I'd have no pms, and no fear of STD's or unwanted pregnancies. I'd be a perpetually happy, financially secure, and highly educated woman with no unnecessary distractions.
Lol, this is all tongue-in-cheek, of course.  

I went to the beach with my family on Sunday. My uncle is in town visiting us so we all got together for the day. On our way back to our cars to leave I walked down the wrong street and got turned around. When I finally found my way again I saw my cousin, my mom and my two year old niece about a block away from me so I called out to them. My niece jumped down from my mothers arms and screamed my name then started running towards me smiling :) it was the sweetest thing ever. People driving by stopped to watch us running towards one another and her leap into my arms and hug and kiss me, asking me where I'd been and me explaining that I'd gotten lost, lol. As if we hadn't seen each other in years. It was, indeed, a Kodak moment. I live for these moments. That was love in action. I need more of it. In fact, I need a romance (whats new, right?). I'm way overdue for one (one year past due, to be exact). My reserves are just about depleted and theres no gatdamn Romeo in sight. There's been a handful of suitors but none that move me. I've been settling out of boredom, hoping for a spark to fire things up, but no such luck. My cousins birthday is Friday and she wants to go out. I just bought a strapless red dress and a gorgeous gold, drapey necklace full of different sized disks that i plan to wear. I'm hopeful but doubtful that anything worthwhile will occur. In any event, I'll certainly be looking cute.

You know how I know I’m pms’ing? I went to the grocery store the other day (Von’s) to pick up some last minute items for the holiday shindig and the cashier asked me if I wanted to pay 10 cents each for brown paper bags and I became upset and embarrassed because I didn’t know they had stopped using plastic bags.  I told the bagger to just put my groceries back into the basket, un-bagged.  He didn’t even ask me if I wanted help out.  I’m making mountains out of mole hills, son.  A few days prior to that I had gone to Ralph’s grocery store and they asked me if I wanted 3 free reusable shopping bags and that made me happy.   Mole hills are becoming mountains.  Shits crazy.  My dog got super excited when my family arrived, which isn’t unusual except he seemed fixated on my two year old niece, probably because she’s about as low to the ground as he is.  So he kept nipping at her face and I had to grab him up in the collar like “chill dog!” which I felt bad about. And the baby gets all indignant and goes “Him wanna bite me!” But she said it in a “oh HELL no!” way that made everybody laugh.  Everything she says makes everybody laugh, actually.  It’s like we’re all still surprised that she can talk and so well, and that she knows full well what’s going on around her based on her unexpected responses to stuff.  I was happy to have plenty of mouths to feed and was hoping that my buffalo chicken enchiladas (recipe found on Pinterest) were a hit. Otherwise I might’ve been devastated.  This is what pms does to me.  It makes me care about things that I should just brush off and not make a big deal out of, that I wouldn’t give a damn about any other time.  I hate this shit, making me all emo and hostile.  What the hell do I care if people like my free food or not?  Ugh.  Then I hopped on Facebook to catch up on unimportant updates (you know it's bad when you go looking for trouble on Facebook) and became annoyed that this guy I used to like was behaving like an attention whore (the irony, right?), talking about modeling, posting old pics of himself when he was cute and not corny, telling black women we’re beautiful.  Fuck out of here.  All of that was clearly to elicit a string of female replies because he hadn’t been getting many lately.  It’s no wonder though, he’s a bit ridiculous, always with the conspiracy theories, talking about the end of days and how he wants to leave this corrupt country but people aint ready.  Smh.  What a waste of a somewhat pretty face. Then I got slightly upset on Tuesday when Mr. Ed Choppers told me that my friend Paul was in rehab for using bath salts.  She was going on and on and on about him eating her face off which, for some reason, was pissing me off, lol.  I wanted to yell "STFU, B*TCH!" But instead I just forced a smile and listened.  Who the fuck would want to eat her face off?  She looks like Cruella Deville on crack.  Anyway, I’ve got to chill, I know this.  I need to be careful not to let this pms madness get the best of me.  I just need a few good naps and maybe a good read or to watch a romcom and meditate before things get too out of control.

Update: "Heel, Rex!!"

A couple of posts down I mentioned how we'd left our puppy in the backyard while we went to work. Well, my son went home during his lunch break and discovered the yard empty. He looked high and low, he called me, I panicked. I called my mom, she panicked. Within half an hour we'd made a missing puppy report with Animal Control and I'd driven home and broken several traffic laws in the process. But when I turned onto my street I saw my son carrying our puppy across the street from our neighbors' house. Long story short, they put him back in the yard and made him think he was left alone again. Thats when they witnessed him climb our chain link fence, lol. So basically, all this time he's been humoring us by staying in the yard whenever we're home and outside with him. He could've left whenever he felt like it. Smh. He climbed the fence super fast, too. Like he was walking up a wall. This is even more reason for me to hurry up and have the new fence installed.