Ramble

I don’t mean to be difficult. Truly, I don’t. But I suspect that maybe since I’m not a passive woman by nature that some men perceive me as difficult. I don’t bow down, I don’t walk behind, I am not agreeable just to be pleasing. I speak, I want to be heard, not loudly because I don’t like yelling. It fucks up my singing voice and I like to sing…in the car, the shower and while I’m cooking and cleaning. But I am, deep down, very good and extremely loving, yet I won’t mind it much if I piss you off with my opinion. If you’re worth it, you recognize that it’s just an opinion and those are changeable. My heart is big and capable. So, yeah, I hope I don’t give them all the wrong impression of me. Not the good ones, at least. Not the ones I’d actually care to get to know. But I think, also, that if I am moved to get to know someone that they likely have a personality that wouldn’t find mines to be difficult. I’m not for everybody, though. I am ambitious and confident…at times. Insecure sometimes, too. Not arrogant, unless I need to be, which is usually just a front. I am curious about the world and finding my way in it requires me to ask questions, speak up, go, do, and allow people to see me as I am. And the men that intrigue me are the ones who aren’t threatened by my curiosity and confidence and desire to be free. They welcome those things about me. Not that I am completely untraditional or a threat to traditional values. I am traditional, to a degree. But in the sense that men and women protect and love one another and neither is the head or the foot. They sharpen one another, make each other better, and no one is in charge of the other in a perfect relationship. In my opinion, at least. Until and unless I can find that I will remain alone. I’d rather remain alone than be someone’s garbage receptacle.  I wonder if there is someone who gets that.