So About Hawaii...

I think I pretty much covered most of what we did in a previous post (snorkeled with humongous turtles and spinner dolphins, watched a baby gray whale learn to breathe underwater, drove to the North Shore and took in some killer (literally) waves, ate good food, hiked Diamond Head, drove slowly along the coast on a two-lane highway afraid for my life, etc.)

But what really stuck with me about my trip was the poverty, genocide, and destruction of a place that is often portrayed as paradise. Trying to find a Hawaiian was like trying to find a purple elephant. They've been wiped out, to put it bluntly. Polynesians are a mere 11% of Oahu's population. Who's representing the rest of Hawaii? Whites and Asians at 50 and 40%, give or take. It's truly sad. If you live on Oahu either you're super rich or you're super poor. There appears to be no in between. Dilapidated buildings and houses run all throughout the city until you pass Waikiki (which looks like Santa Monica, California, overrun with malls, super high-end stores, and restaurants) and head towards Diamond Head. There you will see nothing but Asians and whites. That's it. The homes in Diamond Head are magnificent. The homes in the rest of Oahu are dumps with laundry strung along the porch of 9 out of 10 houses.

It's taken me a while to get over the fact that Hawaii is not some unspoiled paradise. I don't know why I was so naive, nursing this fantasy of hula dancers and a land unaffected by the rest of the world, just rich in polynesian culture and pride. We found lots of pride (one guy had all Hawaiian islands tattooed on his lower back and there were many monster trucks w/ "Kamehaha" and "Respect the Culture!" stickers in the windows) but the culture was not at all what I expected.

On our second day in Oahu we went to the Bernice Bishop Museum. Bernice Bishop was the last legal heir of the Kamehameha Dynasty, which ruled the Kingdom of Hawaii between 1810 and 1872, before Liliuokalani (not a Kamehameha heir but she took the thrown after her brother died, and he took it when Bernice refused to. It's a long story. Google it if you're at all interested) was overthrown by Stanford Dole (yes, the pineapple tycoon) et al., and Hawaii became a part of the US. But that's another long story. Anyway, on Bernice's deathbed she asked her husband to devote a portion of her very wealthy estate to building a school and preserving Hawaiian culture. He did and thus we have the wonderful Bishop Museum. We spent roughly 3 hours perusing that place and learning about the history of Hawaii and its peeps. I took at least 3 dozen pictures in there.
On our fourth and final day in Oahu, we made our way over to the Aloha Flea Market and finally saw lots of "purple elephants" :) and not just a smattering like we saw before. They looked just like the ones here in Cali, lol. Nothing too special. But it was good to see them, nonetheless.

(museum, me at the museum, "purple elephants")

As our plane made its descent into California and we got a birds eye view of "home", I was overcome (as I often am whenever I fly and then return home) with how much I love this place and can't imagine making any other place my home. Spending so much time at my desk at work or holed up in my humble abode made me forget how much more I have to do and discover (and RE-discover) while I'm still on this earth. I get stuck in a pattern of "same place, same thing" ...and with New Years coming up too? I couldn't have picked a better time to travel, as this trip has surely lit a fire under my ass and caused me to anxiously want to "seize my DAYS" before my time is up, lol. I stayed out until 11pm last night and it was a Tuesday!! lol Carpe Diem! ;)
Now I can take "Visit Hawaii," "drink something out of a coconut," and "wear a red bikini in Hawaii" off my list of things to do before I die. And the red bikini was done totally unconciously! When I returned to my hotel room and realized that I'd chosen to wear the red one over the four others that I'd brought, I just laughed. It must've been meant to be.

*I am so mad that I wrote this entire post out and it was good n' thoughtful, in my opinion, and then when I clicked "publish" 95% of it had disappeared. So I had to rewrite it from memory :(

To join...or not to join?

My son wants to join the gym. It's a great idea and I'm sure he'd get my money's worth. However, he's under 18 which means he'll have to be accompanied by an adult (me) and I'd have to pay for two memberships: mine and his. Hmm. 24Hour is having a special right now - $29.99/month per person, initiation fee's waived. BUT, I don't trust their cancellation policy (gotta finish reading it. Something sounds fishy at the end of the 6 page document) and I don't trust myself to get my money's worth :( So I'm debating between working out in my living room to exercisetv.tv, or my backyard OR signing up to workout among strangers at a gym with pushy sales people, muscle heads, and all manner of personalities. I'm perfectly fine with exercisetv.tv. I can give up, quit the workout and head directly to my own personal shower any time I want without being noticed or judged. I like that feeling. However, I can't make friends, I can't be made to feel guilty about quitting my work out prematurely or not utilizing my membership, and my son won't learn beans about boxing, which is what he wants to take a class they're offering for. And he wont have access to a range of free weights and other equipment and rock climbing and classes and an olympic size pool and a bball court and other such stuff. And neither would I. But then I'd have to drive to the gym and my living room is right there, within walking distance of my bedroom and television. I could work out in my drawls if I felt like it. That's a plus, no? I could also watch whatever television program I want without having to share the tv with a gym full of personalities.
I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to call 24hour right now and ask more questions. Their special deal ends on the 31st. Also, how typical is it to sign up for a gym on NYE? Ugh. I just KNOW they're going to be bombarded with memberships from those resolving to end their slothiness. This sloth included. It's just so uncool to be a sheep.

UPDATE:
So I spoke to a co-worker instead and found out that Costco has a sweet deal on a prepaid membership, totalling $300/person for 2 years, which translates to $12.50/month. But it's prepaid...and there are two of us :( I don't know if I should just chuck 600 bones like that. There's no refund on that deal unless you move far, far away or...die. I don't plan to do either. Hmm, decisions, decisions...

As planned...

I bought no one anything for Christmas and surprisingly I didn't feel any guilt about this. This Christmas was actually pretty awesome, in fact. The preceding Hawaii trip and then coming home just in time to relax and focus on my goals for the coming year was just what I needed. And then yesterday, in a good mood, I decided to accept the invite to go to my ex's sisters house and it was a good day. I didn't even mind staying until 2am either. Everyone was hugging my neck, his dad was a riot the whole evening, love was just flowing, the grub was spectacular, and his sister that I usually don't care for was the picture of wonderful (this is the one who's wedding I dreamed about crashing, lol). Her new house is gorgeous, GORGEOUS. She has fantastic decorating taste and it inspired me to go shopping. She even told me that she had recently battled cancer and its now in remission. Did I say that the food was OFF THE CHAIN? OMG, was it. I had two plates piled high and every single item on it, except his mama's potato salad, was the BOMB. I still love his oldest sister though. Me and her were like peas and carrots back in the day and she even came to my housewarming last year all the way from Victorville. Anyway, everyone welcomed me back in as family, as though I'd never left. And it was better than my own famiy's shindigs. I saw my mom briefly the day before and yesterday she and my step dad drove to the casino to gamble for the holiday after making their rounds around town playing Santa and Mr. Claus. This morning she called and told me that my 14 year old niece and 18 year old nephew were asking about me, surely looking for gifts I bet. They are spoiled rotten and both think I'm John D. Rockefeller. Unfortunately for them that ship has sailed. In previous years I've bought them fantastic gifts - gold bangles that she lost, an American Girl doll that she cut bald...a $50 baseball cap that he sold! smh, expensive tennis shoes that he left over a friends house...etc. They're practically grown now and still ungrateful so I'm through without remorse. Their older sister is 20 something and despite me spoiling her rotten for years she forgets about me every Christmas and only buys her mom and my mom a gift every year. I don't even get a howdy-do. So this is liberating for me. Fuck em. Sorry.
Anyhoo, I was surprised that my ex's sister who I used to couldn't stand handed me a Christmas gift last night. A pretty silver monogrammed keychain and a make up bag from Sephora. Nothing too fancy but the thought was what warmed me. I have no desire whatsoever to restart a relationship with my ex but I damn sure am going to miss his family. Sucks for us that he sucks. Maybe they're trying to win me back for him, lol. Who knows, but they are the bees knees.

Mele Kalikimaka!/Merry Christmas!

I'm back! I decided that staying would not suit me just yet, lol. Actually, I did miss home and was tired of hotel living so I decided to stick to the plan and caught my flight home yesterday, like a good "honorary Hawaiian". Ula, my new corner basket weaving friend granted me honorary Hawaiian citizenship after a pleasant chat and my decision to buy the biggest little basket that could fit into my suitcase. He handmade it right there on the spot for me. It's made of Taro leaves and he promises that if I take care of it, it will last for years. I'll take a picture of it and post it soon. It's the best souvenir I bought and, despite the 80 degree humid weather, it was the warmest feeling I got during my stay.

Anyway, you KNOW I took a kajillion pictures (302 to be exact) so I won't be posting them all. Just a bunch of my favorites. We stayed from Sunday afternoon (3pm) until Wednesday afternoon (2pm) and did quite a bit of living in that time. A quick run-down of the places we visited (larger, more detailed blog entry to come):

Waikiki Beach

Dukes Restaurant and bar on the beach

Bernice Bishop Museum of Hawaii (FABULOUS! Rich with Hawaiian culture)

The town of Haleiwa on the North Shore

Halona Blow Hole

Hanauma Bay

Diamond Head (inactive volcano)

Turtle Cove (actually in the middle of the ocean! EEK! Our tour guide told us AFTER we got out of the water that tiger sharks sometimes eat our turtle friends :( And if they'd decided they wanted to eat us, it would have been lights out instantly. We wouldn't have even seen it coming since they like to ambush their prey and we swim like pansies. I have serious respect for ocean swimmers! Especially "T". I can't pronounce his name but boy was he HOT and could swim his Hawaiian ass off *swoon. After almost every sentence he said "eh". I was completely captivated but tried to keep my drooling under wraps. More about him and the turtles and our horny captain and the Italian girls later)

Pearl City/Pearl Harbor

The US Army Musuem (got a chance to teach my boy about black WWII hero Dorie Miller, Rosie the Riveter, and a bit about the Renaissance starting in Paris after WWII black soldiers decided not to return home, and black roles in the military at that time (mostly menial due to racists beliefs that we couldn't fight, etc. and despite all of our accomplishments it still took years for the military to be integrated. Albeit, the military was integrated before the south was).

Macky's and Giovanni's world famous shrimp trucks (YU UM!)

We didn't want to live like tourists but we sort of couldn't help it, in a way. This trip has inspired me to learn more about Hawaiian culture and history. In the beginning, I felt like I had landed in Japan, or took a roundtrip ticket back to Santa Monica, CA rather than to an island in the Pacific. Asian's and whites have truly taken over Hawaii, almost to the point where it's unrecognizable (from what they show on tv, that is). Waikiki Beach is NOT the place to go if you'd like to experience Hawaiian culture, in my opinion. Anyway, I said I'd make this entry short-ish so I'll stop here and just post some pictures. You came for the pictures anyway, I'm sure. WARNING: These photos DO NOT do this place justice at all. But enjoy! More to come!

The town of Hale'iwa, plate techtonics at work near Diamond Head, & our "front porch" in Waikiki

An old Hawaiian man chopped off the edge of this little coconut w/ a hatchet, dug a hole w/ the tip, stuck in a straw for me, and voila! coconut milk on the run :)

This is what I call a SUNDAY DRIVE! This was taken directly from our rental car windshield



This shrimp, sauteed in garlic and butter was simply magnificent. I'm going to try to make it at home as soon as I can.

These cute little darlings put on a performance of "Hawaiian Santa" for us. See the video below.

ALOHA!!

Just a quick aloha while I'm printing my boarding pass and checking bags. I'm SUPER tanned. Went out snorkeling among the turtles and spinner dolphins today, which was realllly cool. We also got to see a humpback whale and her newborn learning to breathe and tread water. So cute. Awww. lol. Anyway, we'll be home tomorrow night and just in time for Christmas. Soooo much to tell! It's going to be a LONG blog entry.

ALOHA for now!
Scout

I've a feeling

that I'm going to get to Hawaii and never want to return :)

ALOHA!! <----means hello/goodbye/love

Few Things

- I want a wedding like Essence Atkins. Simple and original and without too much fuss and beautiful. She didn't have a bridal party or a traditional cake. And she walked herself down the aisle. It was just about her and Jaime. Simply delightful :)

- My mother is trying to bully me into buying her a Christmas gift. I have told her more than once that I'm not buying anybody any gifts this year and I don't want anyone to buy me anything. But every day she's coming with the "I know what you can get me'"s
Ugh. How is she just going to ignore my stance!?

- I have been seriously neglecting myself. My health, my hair, my house, my social life, my bills...all in the name of one Prof. Jimenez y West, and I am resentful. I have so much to do that I stress every night before finally fallinng asleep and then the anxiety is so much that I end up waking up earlier than usual and fretting about things.

- In a mad dash to try to pay some bills I found some stamps on my desk, filled out the paper bills, wrote checks and then raced to the mailbox to drop them in. Then I learned that postage has gone up 3 cents since I bought those stamps. :( I haven't run errands since before Thanksgiving. I just bought groceries last Sunday. This sucks. I'm hoping the post office gives me a break and sends the bills through but I doubt it. I'm expecting to have them returned to me any day now. And then I'll have to pay late fees. :(

- It's frickin 6:28am. I've been on the computer trying to pay my remaining bills electronically since 5:30am. My credit union is retarded and has locked me out of my account because I was "too slow" in siging in. WTF? I didn't do anything with my hair last night so it's a hot ass mess, all over my head right now. I don't want to go to work because I'm pms'ing and yesterday everyone was getting on my nerves and everything was going awry and I was frustrated and embarrassed and unintentionally mean. Now I have to go back there and show my face again :(
I'd rather crawl under a rock, frankly. There have to be drugs for this sort of thing.

- *Sigh

- Hawaii in a few days. *exhale

I've waited many many years for Tiana

When I first heard about The Princess and the Frog, I was elated. Yes, a 34 year old woman and mother ecstatic about a Disney princess. Because I'd never really had a Disney princess. Not one that looked like me, at least. I had more white dolls than black dolls and that was mostly because there weren't many black dolls on the market. In fact, just a couple of years ago I got into a tiny spat with the manager of my local Target store because I had been literally all over town looking for a black doll, ANY black doll at that point, for my niece and not one of the stores I went to had one. It was Christmas time; how do you not have a steady supply of dolls? He told me there wasn't really a demand for black dolls so whenever they got some they sold out fast. 0_0 what kind of sense does that make? I asked him. If you consistently sell out wouldn't that make you think that there IS a demand for black dolls? What am I supposed to buy my niece for Christmas? A white doll, he told me. And that's about when my tantrum kicked in. She's not white! I yelled. And when she's old enough she won't be giving birth to white babies!! After I left the store I was a tad embarrassed but I got over it. He needed to hear that. I did it for the people, lol. Daisy ended up with a black McDonald's Barbie doll that I found buried, literally, at Walmart, and even buying that doll almost had me in a fight, lol. The check out girl at Walmart held the box that the doll was in up and smiled at her and then said to me "All she needs is some long fingernails and a bunch of gold jewelry and she'd look just like the girls who work in McDonald's over there. tee hee" I don't recall exactly what I said to that bitch but I do remember cussing her out and saying she'd look just like Petunia Pig if only she had a big bow on her head. Among other things. I stormed out of there and vowed to never return.

Anyway, so I'm walking around with black doll/black princess baggage, lol. Yes, I am. This may seem trivial to some but I'm not concerned about them. When Disney announced they were coming out with Princess Tiana, I felt like we'd finally overcome. haha. And even though I have a son, not a daughter, I made up my mind that both he and I would be in the theater watching that movie on opening weekend, on general principal. I had to support it, otherwise, would there ever be another Princess Tiana? Probably not. So the other day we went to see it and at first the theater only had a handful of people in it and I was a bit sad but not surprised. It was 10 minutes until showtime. But by the time the movie began the theater was full! Little Asian girls and boys, three or four little white girls, a bunch of adults, like mostly adults, and some teenagers. I was so pleased, I teared up. hahaha! And when the movie was over, the audience clapped! That right there let me know they were all thinking the same thing I was: that this little Princess is a huge celebration! :)
However, for this to be Disney's first black princess I think they fell short. Yes, yes, you knew there'd be complaints. I think that maybe they overthought it and didn't want to offend anyone so they played it safe. But they ended up playing it too safe! The message was to work hard for your dreams, stay focused and your dreams will come true. And she was working hard. Like Cinderella hard. But then she got saved by a rich prince who paid for her dreams to come true. So where's the message now? Or maybe I got it all wrong and the message was really that you need love and hard work to be happy? I wonder what the kids thought. And then! Then, she was only human for a small portion of the movie. She spent the bulk of the movie as a damn frog. How does that even count as a movie about a black princess? I don't know but I kind of felt cheated. Just a little bit, though. I'm thankful for what I could get and I did enjoy Oprah as her mother, I loved Anika Noni Rose as Tiana, and the lightening bugs and Mama Dodie (I think that was her name) brought a bunch of smiles to my face. Oh, and the witch doctor was pretty good, too. The mardi gras theme at the end was also a nice touch. The music sucked though, lol. They picked the Toy Story guy to do the music. His niche was Toy Story and he should have hung up his hat after that. Nevertheless, I finally got my princess!! FINALLY.
So I got my princess and while I'm not elated with her, she'll do. I just hope she gets the love she deserves from real little girls - like Jasmine, Belle, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White get. I want Tiana to be appreciated because I waited long and hard for her.

I should really be doing something else

but I'm sitting here listening to crappy music on Myfm trying to win tickets to the John Mayer concert this March. It's raining and I'm still in my pajamas. I have so much to do today but I'm sitting here being forced to endure bullshit tunes in the name of love. I really want to win these tickets. Maybe I should give up. They're making you text in rather than call in and I've lost twice. How the hell can one be the 150th texter? How do you finnagle that? Perhaps I'm wasting my precious time :( I'm trying to be optimistic though, so I can be like "OMG! I WON!" and then go see John and throw my bra on stage whilst screaming my head off like I'm 16 years old all over again. Not really but yeah.
I guess I should go brush my teeth. It's after 1 o'clock.

Toni has put me in a mood

I love Toni Braxton's Christmas cd but Lordy me, it has put me in a serious mood and with the events from this week, es no bueno.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eba8OOoILaA&feature=related

Of course I dug it out and started listening to it for the Christmas in Jamaica track with Shaggy, lol. Getting pumped for my trip. But damn...I completely forgot how sultry this holiday cd is. That's Toni for ya.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtH6ruS-OaU&feature=related

My wall is an illusion

Some days I feel like the man behind the curtain in the wiz. Just a big fat phoney, afraid of being found out. I play tough girl well but, honestly, I'm such a cream puff. And I mean majorly. Now, I can spit venom with the best of them and define bitch for you if you push me far enough. But then I usually feel an overwhelming sense of regret. Like why'd you push me like that! I'm not inherently mean, some people make me mean though. It's self defense. Anyway, I'm beating around the bush because what's really on my mind is how easy it is for me to go soft serve. I'm currently having a moment, you see. The other day someone I hardly pay attention to and was sure never paid me any mind, flirted with me relentlously. Harmless flirting I guess, and to be honest I'm not interested in him, but that attention had me open for a spell. In fact, as you can tell from this post, I'm still slightly ajar. And it's turned me topsy turvy when previously I had been just fine, walking with purpose and tunnel vision. Now? I'm stumbling a bit, off center :( The hell? I put up this Great Wall and to most (I think) it appears impenetrable when really it's just a hologram. I'm jaded and unsure and just want to feel secure enough to let my guards down and be me. But I'm scared (c) cowardly lion

I want John Mayer for Christmas

My mother has been bugging me for over a week now to tell her what I want for Christmas. I usually buy myself whatever I want so I've been coming up blank which is frustrating her. Then the other day someone mentioned never hearing any of John's songs except Your Body Is a Wonderland, so I began to gather all of the songs that I have by John and the next thing I knew I was falling in love all over again. I went to his blog/tour site and found out that he'll be in LA in March and I want to go sooo bad. I don't care if no one goes with me, I'll go alone and scream my head off. But a semi-good seat runs about $90 :( I'd be willing to pay that for floor seats but bleachers? I'd feel robbed of the intimate experience you go to concerts for in the first place. Anyway, I told her that's what I want and, of course, she scoffed at the price initially. So I told her not to worry, it is too high and I'll come up with something else later. But I have a feeling she's going to try to get me a ticket. I wish she could get me front row tickets though.

Do you know where YOUR mother is?

I've been trying to find my mama all day, damn near panicking and ready to call the authorities. So I decided to call my step father's cell phone before alerting the po-po's and the media, and where are they? The damn casino. They drove ALL the way out to Morongo to gamble on a Thursday night. When he answered the phone he said "hey! hey, Val. Ya mama's not by me right now, she's on the slots...blahblahblah, yeahyeahyeah." And I'm figuring he left work today to take her gambling because a couple of days after Thanksgiving she sent him down to the garage to get her Christmas tree and ornaments and he neglected to kick and shake down the bags and containers and ended up bringing a mouse in the house. My mother is TERRIFIED of rodents. All kinds - mice, rats, squirrels, gerbils, hamsters, chinchilla's...she fears them all. So for about a week she's been trapped in bed, afraid to get up and move about the house unless someone is there with her. So, feeling guilty and likely tired of getting cussed out, he took her to play the slots. haha. Now I can go to bed without worrying. Good night.

What a difference a day makes

My boy is happy again :) He came home yesterday smiling and chipper, almost like the breakup the day before never happened to him. Thank goodness because I was running out of ideas on ways to cheer him up.

Countdown to the hula! I've rented the car, the room is paid for, the flights are paid for, reservations have been made, tickets to activities have been bought, a tour guide book was bought, and the itinerary is finally coming together. I can hardly wait! This getaway is going to be exactly what the doctor ordered - rest, relaxation, rejuvenation, and regroup-ation, lol.

I feel so sad for my boy. Yesterday he came home looking like Eeyore. I asked him how his day went and he told me that he and Marina had broken up. Too many issues with her mom not knowing she had a boyfriend, her parents fighting for custody of her and her brother, her mother losing her job, she might be moving by the end of this semester to Texas if dad wins custody, and to top it all off she has developed some sort of lung illness :( He said the break up was amicable but she still cried and they hugged and kissed before he walked her out to the front of the school to wait for her step father to come and pick her up. I hate that my boy is so sad and there's nothing I can really do to cheer him up. And, of course, I tried. I bought him a big plate of chili cheese fries last night from Tops, hugged him a lot, cracked jokes and tried to get his mind off of things. I even promised to take him shopping, lol. None of it seemed to work all that well but he did seem appreciative that I tried. It's bumming me out to see him moping around but on the other hand I know it's good for him. He'll have plenty of girlfriends in his lifetime and while this one is tough it's only going to make him grow and mature. I had to remind him that he wasn't going to marry Marina, even though he claimed to love her. He also said that he'd wanted to date her for the entire 3 years that they've known each other and now it's over too soon, like it's the end of his dating life forever. He's 15 so this attitude is par for the course.
Only time will mend his teenage heart and today is the first day he'll have to begin to get used to the idea of not being Marina's boyfriend. Meanwhile, I'll have to try to figure out ways to cheer him up and help him stay focused on the rest of his life.