My wall is an illusion

Some days I feel like the man behind the curtain in the wiz. Just a big fat phoney, afraid of being found out. I play tough girl well but, honestly, I'm such a cream puff. And I mean majorly. Now, I can spit venom with the best of them and define bitch for you if you push me far enough. But then I usually feel an overwhelming sense of regret. Like why'd you push me like that! I'm not inherently mean, some people make me mean though. It's self defense. Anyway, I'm beating around the bush because what's really on my mind is how easy it is for me to go soft serve. I'm currently having a moment, you see. The other day someone I hardly pay attention to and was sure never paid me any mind, flirted with me relentlously. Harmless flirting I guess, and to be honest I'm not interested in him, but that attention had me open for a spell. In fact, as you can tell from this post, I'm still slightly ajar. And it's turned me topsy turvy when previously I had been just fine, walking with purpose and tunnel vision. Now? I'm stumbling a bit, off center :( The hell? I put up this Great Wall and to most (I think) it appears impenetrable when really it's just a hologram. I'm jaded and unsure and just want to feel secure enough to let my guards down and be me. But I'm scared (c) cowardly lion