Valerie's Arc

At this moment, if I were approached by God and asked to build an arc and load it with things that should be kept and saved before a massive flood wipes out everything on Earth, I’d select more family members from my ex’s family than members from my own family. My own family disappoints me immensely. So, on my arc I would keep my mother and son, one of my 7 aunts and four of my 5 uncles, 4 of my 30+ cousins, my brother, Daryl…and that’s about it. Whoever said that you can only choose your friends and not your family, was an idiot.

Bizarre uses for tin

I'm looking for inexpensive tin sheets for a few craft projects that I'm planning and ran across this very odd review of tin/metal sheets on Amazon:

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Not Good for Bedding; Awesome for Hats, March 20, 2010

By

silo - See all my reviews

Durability:5.0 out of 5 stars Fun:3.0 out of 5 stars Educational:2.0 out of 5 stars

This review is from: 16254 .008 Tin 6x12" Sheet (Toy)

I recently bought these tin sheets because I feel that metal has many purposes, and you can never have too many kinds of metal. Already having such metals as "hard," "cold," and "shiny," I figured adding these tin sheets to my collection would increase my value to humanity.

My first application for these tin sheets was to use them as bedding. After a night of rustling around, constantly crinkling the tin, I decided to go back to my wood chip bedding. It was an honorable try, but just didn't work out the way I wanted it to.

Next, I decided to make a tin sheet hat. No, not tin foil; I mean tin sheet. The difference is that the tin sheet is a bit thicker, which greatly adds to the strength of the tin to inhibit psychic attacks. I even made a small bill to shield my face from evil bird doo doo. When using the tin for this purpose, nothing else compares.

One drawback to these tin sheets is that while they're great for making hats, other clothing manufactured from the sheets is a bit restrictive and noisy. For example, a shirt I made from the material made me look more like a cardboard cut out than a sexy beast. The reflective power of the tin did not attract any women, but did seem to attract hippies who thought I might be able to hook up to their electric cars as a sort of solar panel. This too did not work.

Nevertheless, I do recommend these tin sheets for purposes including but not limited to constructing shelving units, making antipsychic hats, and as bathroom decoration.

Candy hearts, flowers, balloons, bah

A friend of mines just sent me a message complaining about the women in her office getting delivered bouquets of flowers. She jokingly asked me to send her one so she could pretend that an admirer sent it to her. This sort of thing confuses me as a woman. Am I broken? Do I not have enough estrogen? Have I had so many Vday dates in my lifetime that I’m now immune to the delights of candy and flowers? What is so novel about getting a bunch of balloons and/or flowers and a card on Valentines Day? It’s nice to know that someone cares about you but does it mean more to you if their affection is shown on February 14^th? Is romance simply a bunch of balloons and/or flowers and a card on Vday? Surely, it’s more than that. Or am I defective? I know that I am loved. It helps me sleep well at night, lol. And the people that I love in return will get giant Ghiradelli chocolate chip cupcakes this evening, if I get around to it. And even if I don’t get around to it, they’ll still know I love them and we’ll all be alright. We don’t need no stinking cupcakes or flowers or expensive gifts on February 14^th to prove it. We prove it when it matters the most – all year long, when nobody’s looking, when everybody’s looking, when it’s least expected, and when it’s needed most. It comes as second nature, not because of a calendar reminder. Our love kicks into gear right on time and not on schedule. Our love isn’t novel. Isn't that how it should be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkD6wgdggyk

I couldn't go to preschool in the morning until this song was played. I was a stubborn little girl. And my parents played it for me every morning.

The Wine Mixer

Wine tasting was really nice. It was probably the best twelve bucks I've ever spent and not because of the wine, it sucked, but because of the experience. J's Lounge in downtown L.A. is a pretty decent spot for a night out, and the California Wine Tasting people really know how to spoil their guests; they kept the h'ordeuvres coming. I looked around at some peoples plates and it was like they were sitting down to dinner, lol. And this was before the waiters began coming around with trays full of goodies. I don't understand how some people can pile those little appetizer plates so high with snack food and not feel shame. How much crudite can one person stand? I think one guy was trying to make a Scooby Doo-like sandwich with his cheese and salami.

We both chose the white wine as our complimentary glass and sat outside underneath a gazebo with ruby red drapes and a fire pit, the downtown L.A. skyline loomed above us. After my glass of wine, the bartender mixed me a "French Kiss" that he swore I'd love. It's a martini with vanilla and cranberry in it. It smelled better than it tasted, which made it the worse twelve bucks I've ever spent. My girlfriend and I were looking pretty dynamite last night; she had her hair done, nails done, everything did (c) some rap song. I wore an old black lace dress that I had picked up from a sample sale many years ago that still looks good and not dated, some heels that I bought about 6 years ago and never wore, and I washed and styled my own hair, nails were bare. Which reminds me, I seriously need to get back on those sample sale mailing lists. Anyway, since I'd taken a two hour nap yesterday afternoon after work, I was energized and ready to take on the night. She wasn't. As we sat under the gazebo talking and drinking she began to get too relaxed and threatened to fall asleep. So we decided to go upstairs and dance a little. The crowd was well mixed, different ages and races. The dj was okay. He played a lot of pop radio stuff and a bit too much Michael Jackson (two songs), but otherwise it was music I could dance to, so I did. As soon as the first MJ song came on a few dorks on the dancefloor started dancing like Mike. It was so funny to watch. Then some guy asked my friend to dance and while she was working hard out on the floor, she naturally began to sweat and her hair began to lose it's luster. She didn't look a mess but that was enough to deflate her self-esteem and she was done with the night. The next thing I knew she was asking me when I wanted to leave and it was barely even midnight. I didn't complain; I'd had fun up until then, which was my goal. But I would have liked to stay a little bit longer and get a better feel for the place and the people there last night. I saw a handful of cuties that I wanted to ogle a bit and the bar area seemed to be popping. It was okay, though. I still had energy to spare this morning so I got up and went for a much needed run/walk around my neighborhood. Now I'm feeling like Rocky, except with the sniffles. I'm getting over a cold.

One of my absolute favorites

and so appropriate with vday right around the corner. I wish I had someone to dedicate it to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pto5lqEi5to

I really should start proof reading these things before I post them. I cringe every time I reread a post. Ah well!

I DO like wine!

I’ve changed my mind J. I had a flavored martini the other night at Geisha House for dinner at a friends’ birthday shindig, and while it wasn't enough to get me drunk and probably not even tipsy (I've no idea what either feels like but I think I’d know if I were drunk or tipsy), it damn sure helped me sleep well that night. What a sleep aid! I slept like a brick, and at 10am I thought my ringing cell phone was my alarm clock going off. So I kept hitting the snooze button wondering why it wouldn't shut off. I can’t recall the name of the martini I had – something with pomegranate and milk in it – but it was quite tasty. No alchy here, but I’m starting to see what all the hub-bub is about. Certain flavors are pretty damn delicious and the buzz you feel afterwards is a nice bonus. I’m a fan now, but not enough to over indulge. In fact, for the remainder of our night I drank water, while the other girls boozed it up. Until now, I never saw the point of alcohol. It tastes bitter and too much of it makes you feel like crap in the morning. Plus, alcoholism was a problem for my father and his mother, so I’d always been told that I may not be able to handle liquor – I was predisposed. But unlike them, I think I’m more level headed and have much more willpower.

Last night I couldn’t sleep, so as an experiment I cracked open one of my many bottles of wine (I get one every year for Christmas from a doctor I know who owns a wine bar), mixed it with a little grape juice, and voila, a decent nights rest. I won’t make doing this a habit as I know the consequences, but I could see myself sipping something nice every once in a rainy evening. I waited until my mid-thirties to start drinking and I’ve no regrets about it. I don’t think many who are younger than thirty are as responsible as they should be with alcohol, nor do they fully realize the consequences of over-indulging. Being sober, I still managed to have a good time in my 20s. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything great. A cousin of mine, who is a kindergarten teacher, got drunk once when she first started teaching and took out half a block of cars while drunk driving one night. She flipped over and totaled her car and is lucky to be alive today. That’s not an experience I wish I’d had.

So, all that to say that I’m really looking forward to this weeks wine tasting soiree. Now if I can only figure out what I want to wear…

Guanacaste

My Costa Rica trip is coming up and this time I want to hit the beach wearing a white or pink bikini, so I have SIX MONTHS to get my portly ass in gear. And I just ate a big chocolate chip cookie five minutes ago. And last night I watched a movie with my son while eating some Mint Chocolate Cookie Ben & Jerry’s. And the day before that…well, you get where I’m going with this. I’m sort of looking like Fat Bastards out of shape little sister.Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit, but I damn sure am NOT two-piece sexy, no-way, Jose. So after I finish my Thai lunch, I’m going for a 25 minute power walk around this “compound.” And before dinner I'm grabbing my jump rope and channeling Black Jack Johnson.

I’ve done a little bit of research about Costa Rica and, aside from La Romeria, which is our primary purpose for visiting, there is much to see, do and get excited about. For instance, at the top of one of their volcanoes (Ricon de la Vieja), there is a beautiful acidic lake filling the center and several hot springs nearby. You can hike up there to see the lake as well as take in views of the surrounding

countryside. Though I’d much rather go by horseback. It’s a huge hike! And there are snakes (and monkeys) so I’d rather my feet not be on the ground. There are seven active volcanoes in all but the most spectacular is said to be the Volcan Arenal,

which regularly puts on Fourth of July-like lava shows. And I hear that on a good day if you hike to the top of Mount Chirripo, you can see both the Caribbean Sea and the Pacific Ocean at the same time. My friend Patty’s grandmother lives in Playa Conchal, Guanacaste, which is on the north Pacific side of the country. It’s near the Monteverde cloud forest reserve, where you can

zip line on a canopy tour from tree to tree, and the rainforest where some of the most exotic plants and animals in the world reside. I took 3 years of Spanish in high school but I know it’s no match for what I’ll be up against. Thankfully, Patty is fluent. Although, I’m still going to buy a Spanish Rosetta Stone program so that I feel more comfortable. My son can use it too for school, so it will be money well spent. He is doing a bit of research on the history of pirates on Cocos Island and throughout sections of Costa Rica to get himself excited about the trip. As if simply going isn’t enough. Psht! Anyway, here’s a snippet borrowed from www.infocostarica.com about pirates and legends of buried treasure on Cocos Island:

During the 17th and 18th centuries it was a refuge for pirates and many wanderers of low repute. Many valuable treasures have reportedly been hidden on the island, among them the Lima Treasure, consisting of tons of gold and silver bars and gold sheets that were meant to cover church roofs, and the treasures of William Davies, hidden in 1684, and Benito Bonito, whom they called "Espada Sangrienta" (Bloody Sword), hidden in 1869.

There are also two old shipwrecks off Punta Cahuita that are believed to be haunted by French and Spanish pirates. I can’t wait to feel like I’m waiting for Johnny Depp and the crew of the Black Pearl to arrive and battle it out with Davey Jones and his men. I’m still very much a kid at heart and this type of stuff truly excites me. My son is a much harder sell though, so we’ll see if he has a good time. The first thing he said to me when I announced that we’d be going to Costa Rica was “What the heck are we going to do in Costa Rica?!”

Um, have fun? Sheesh.

Stuck in 1987

A couple of days ago another of my old grade school buddies found me through Facebook. Except this time our friendship goes all the way back to junior high school. She looks practically the same based on her profile picture, just obviously older. I sometimes wonder how much older I look to those who knew me way back when, but I digress. Anyway, I figured in all this time we’d have a lot to catch up on and I was excited to hear how her life had evolved over the years. I know that mine has changed a ton since junior high school, a good 20+ years ago. So when she sent me her phone number and asked me to call her I was shocked to find out that not much has changed about her since 1987. Even her jokes are the same as they were in 7^th and 8^th grade! She has no children, no husband, no prospects, and she still lives with her mother. But what was even more surprising was that her older brother, who has to be at least 39 years old by now, still lives at home, too. That really shouldn’t have been a shocker, given his strange personality back in junior high and high school, but we’d like to hope that people grow and change for the better, right? Only her older sister, who is about 38, moved out and had children and, based on that information, I’m guessing she's lead a relatively normal life.

The phone call was pretty disappointing and about 15 minutes into our conversation, I wasn’t glad I’d called her. I won’t say I regretted it; just that it was a let down. And she asked that I call her back the following day, which was yesterday, but I’m still torn about this re-connection. I don’t want to go back to 1987, lol, and listening to a grown woman say stuff like “tally wacker” and giving her nephew’s “knuckle sandwiches.” I wanted to scream “you’re knocking on 40, woman! Who says that??”

I guess to be fair I should talk to her a little more and see if maybe there is something about her that’s aged and not just her appearance. But I can’t say that I’m eager to know more. What will we have in common besides our childhood? What could we potentially build on if our life experiences are so drastically different? I don’t know what it’s like to still have the mind frame that I had in 8^th grade, still doing the same things and living the same life that I did in the 80s and 90s, except with minor alterations (i.e., a job). And even back in 10^th grade my other friends and I thought that she was a late bloomer. I know it’s kind of hard not to be corny at our age (according to my teenage son, lol) but come ON! This is just sad and pathetic.

Okay, perhaps I’m freaking out for nothing and I need to be more open-minded. It was just one conversation we had and she still seems nice enough to be friends with. I’m not nor have I ever been a mean girl. I’ll give her a call later tonight before I make my final decision, but dios mio this has been strange so far.

Ready to mingle and get toasted

Your suspicions are correct; I haven’t felt like blogging much lately. Life is still going on over here, I’m just not all that anxious to write about it. Nevertheless, here’s how I’m feeling today:

I think I want a valentine this year. Not for gifts that money can buy. Just for time and affection. I want to do the things that lovers do... for a spell. Some of my girlfriends do too. So a handful of us will be attending a wine tasting singles soiree soon. I’m hoping that something interesting comes of it, other than me learning to taste wine, which I have no real interest in. All I know about wine tasting is that you are supposed to spit, not swallow J I'm not really a fan of alcohol. I’m mostly looking forward to getting dolled up and hanging out with my girls that night. If nothing else, that should be fun. I’m keeping my expectations at a minimum, as usual. It’s better to be open to a pleasant surprise than to go in expecting one. The venue is beautiful and they serve white chocolate Godiva martini’s, which sounds delicious and sophisticated. Two of my favorite adjectives. Something tells me that wine tasting singles soiree’s in Los Angeles aren't likely to be frequented by men that I have the most in common with, though. But here’s to hoping I get lucky!

Oh, as a bonus, I can add wine tasting to my list of life experiences.