Instead of being in the moment and enjoying it for what it was, I kept trying to live my fantasies, kept striving to change my reality into the one I'd always imagined, and before I realized it, 18 years had gone by and I'd practically missed them all. I regret waiting for the "right" time, waiting for the ideal situation, trying to plan a life instead of living one. To be fair, it wasn't easy to let go of those fantasies while fighting to survive, remain whole, to eat, and to raise a child and ensure that he had the best childhood I could muster with the money and time that I had. But I feel like I sort of missed it; 18 whole years gone and now it's too late to give him a sibling, a dog he can grow up with, I almost missed giving him a yard. By the skin of my teeth I'm here. I just wish I hadn't had to work so hard to get here. Going forward I plan to live more than I prepare for it. Because what a tragedy it would be if I was here, alive and able, yet I missed the entire event waiting for perfection. Today my son graduates from high school. To say that I am happy and relieved to see him reach this milestone is an understatement. I've literally dreamed of this moment for years. I've even pictured myself crying in the audience as he recieves his diploma and looks my way to smile and say "thank you." This was no walk in the park for me. This was harder for me than it was for him! And now he's here :) right on the precipice of completing something that was a very arduous and long time in the making and I could not be more proud and exhausted, lol. My job is done. I did it. Now I become his Parental Consultant :) It's time to celebrate. The frenzy to reach the finished line is over.