Up early again. Lots on my mind. I didn't slowly become awake, I jolted. My mind was racing from thought to thought, worry crept up fast (I need to do this and that, and this and that...) and then suddenly my eyes flew open and sadness hit me. I have to write a letter to the California Public Utilities Commission and complain about being ripped off by my cell phone provider, I need to help my son with his FAFSA, I need to stop feeling guilty about things I shouldn't feel guilty about that unimportant people have tripped me into feeling guilty about. And while I'm at it, I have to learn to stop giving a damn about these unimportant people who bring absolutely nothing good to my life. They aren't important and they're taking up valuable real estate in my mind. That just won't do. It's waking me up at 4am. So I'm distancing myself, not going to be so accessible to everyone who knows my name. Just because we realize that the other exists doesn't mean we're actually friends or even good for each other. And just because you've seen my pictures, heard me speak, laugh, or we share kin, doesn't mean you know me. I am only intimate with those I trust, which aren't many. I've learned the hard way.
Later on today I am going to take all of these thoughts flying around in my head and organize them on a sheet of paper. They have to go. They are impeding on my focus. I'll organize them and hatch a plan to resolve them so that I can move on and get back to feeling at peace.