Last night I laid in bed and witnessed the official death of a long long term relationship. Although we've been broken up for a while now, I think it was finally really laid to rest last night. For some reason, memories, the whole of our 15 year relationship from the very beginning when I was 16 until now played in my head. How we came to be, the good and the bad, the break ups in between, and finally how we ended. In the space of three hours I laid there and watched it all play out in my head like a movie. So much clarity like never before. It wasn't until after 1am that I fell asleep and now I sit here at my desk tired as hell and practically unable to function but I'm strangely content after having relived some experiences that I wanted to forget. That I HAD forgotten. I felt the pain all over again, and in some instances two-fold because hindsight is a mother sucker. I woke up resolved on how I want to spend the rest of my life having been unsure before. To say that I'm over it would be a lie, though. I still hurt and I'm still angry about a lot of things but I'm working towards letting that go. I've been working towards that for a few years now, actually but last nights epiphany truly helped push me farther along than I was. When we finally split and ended our lease together, he acted sad and said "I don't think the nail is in the coffin for us yet?" He posed that statement as a question, I guess waiting for me to agree and give him hope. But I never responded. As of right now though, dirt is being tossed into that grave. Finally... laid to rest.