The Sleep Clinic

So at 2:30am I got up and went home. Let me explain; that sleep clinic was some BULLSHIT and not at all conducive to sleep. First of all, it was a little nook of a boutique-ish shop situated in a shopping center. There were only two sleep rooms and they rivaled the shabbiest of motels for most shabbiest. The mattress was really just a big block of foam, probably from Ikea, but manageable. And the pillows were strangely hard. Now, I've experienced uncomfortable pillows before but these were akin to stuffing a pair of jeans tightly into a pillow case. Luckily, I brought my own pillow, but I figured being a sleep clinic and all that they would have at least one pillow in the room that I could double mines up with. I only brought my satin covered one since my hair would be down and I didn't want it snagging in cheap cotton but their pillow was way too hard (and I'm not being a baby about this, trust me) and doubling them tilted my neck and head up unnaturally high so I chucked it and just laid semi-flat on mine. So there I lay, with no less than a hundred wires glued to my head, neck, scalp and legs, two prongs sticking out of my nose and a "snore mic" taped to my throat, trying to drift off the sleep. I was a trooper; I started thinking happy thoughts and made the most of the situation in the name of science and my health, but as soon as I started to drift off to sleep the entire ceiling shook and the A/C kicked in like it was being jumpstarted. My heart slammed against my rib cage and my eyes shot open. That's also about the time I started to smell smoke from the nearby brush fires. I wore pajama pants and a tshirt but that little airplane-quality blanket and lone top sheet weren't keeping me warm so my muscles were tense. After about 20 minutes of trying to make do, I knocked on the wall and asked the sleep tech for another blanket. She brought me one but decided to turn the air down. So now I'm hot :/ Then I hear her in the next room talking to the other sleep patient, trying to hook his wires up. When that was done roughly 15 minutes later I tried even harder to think happy thoughts so that I could fall asleep. It was working and as I was fading I heard her yapping on the phone to someone. WTF!? I woke right up. Then the A/C jolted on again and startled the hell out of me. Then I heard a super hype cricket going to town somewhere. It was all a great big mess. By this time I was so stressed that I think it's going to be impossible for me to sleep in that place. Plus, I'm hungry and thinking about pancakes because they instructed me not to eat past 6:30pm and my last meal had been at 4:30pm. I knocked on the wall again, told the sleep tech it wasn't going to work, had her unhook me and I drove home at 2:30am with sticky gook in my head, on my face and on my neck. Once home, I took a shower, washed my hair and slept like an infant. The experiment was not a success.