Happy Happy, Joy Joy

When I take inventory of my life and some of the things that I've fought for and accomplished that I thought, at the time, would make me happy in the long run, I realize that not all of them actually have. I don't have a lot of regrets. Just a few that stand out to me like neon lights, and I can't get past them. They've been occupying prime real estate in my mind for a while now and I'm not sure what to do with them. I'm talking about things that I've done in the name of happiness, present or deferred. Back when I made these particular choices, I felt relief but never happiness. Now I'm wondering if that was relief because I thought that my choices would make me happy later. Later, I'd be happy. Not then and there. Not that day, but someday. What a gamble. I was planning to be happy. Yet now, 10, 15 years later all I am is remorseful. This is not meant to be a woe is me post. I'm just mulling over some stuff. As I posted yesterday, lately I've been floating on sunshine. That's what prompted this post - my sudden happiness. How do I control it? I went from stressed and miserable, to don't worry, be happy. lol. And I couldn't see it coming. It was suddenly just there. What's funny is, before it had shown up, I was in the throes of planning for it, going about each day frantically trying to do the things that I thought would make me happy, and none of it has. I just suddenly began to feel happy. Every day this week has felt like Friday and I'm not exactly sure why. Though I have a few ideas. Nothing that has convinced me yet, though. Which leads me to the conclusion that my judgment is clearly OFF, lol. All these years of practice and planning my happiness and I can't even say that I'm getting better at it. I'm probably mostly really getting lucky :)

Can happiness be learned? Can you plan it? Are you predisposed to it? I read somewhere that, to varying degrees, you are. I don't think anybody really knows. Every psych doctor has an opinion though (and a book about it). Happiness is personal, in my opinion. What makes me happy is totally unique to me. Now, if I could just figure out how to stay this way...I would.

When my son was little and he thought someone was sad or upset or scared he'd lovingly and sincerely instruct them to think happy thoughts, like Peter Pan. It was cute and it always made you smile.