Uncle Bob

I talked to my uncle Bob the other day and he cried. Man, I love my uncle Bob. Once upon a time, he was the funniest, most wonderful man I knew. When I was seven he made Monstrous Goo (c) Uncle Bob, which is a delicious dish made up of random left over's in the fridge. I can't remember all of the ingredients in that very first batch (fried rice, gravy, egg, chicken...) but I do remember it always being super tasty. My family nickname is Bebo and uncle Bob sang and made up many songs about me that always included a variation of my name. Some were adapted from popular 80s commercials, like the Bumble Bee tuna commercial. Others were pure genius, like "Ms. B, from A-la-bam-ME." He made up other great songs too, like "T.V. Chick," "Meatloaf, why you so greasy?" and "I want to get Pooted on, Poot in my face." Every day he walked me and my neighbor, Crystal, to and from school, made us lunch and kept us laughing until our parents came home. He also taught me a distinct and somewhat complex tapping rhythm that I still remember (Uncle Bob is a very talented, world-traveling drummer who was once on the Tonight Show :) ). At the Hollywood Christmas parade, uncle Bob always sat me on his shoulders so that I could see Santa Claus and all the hoopla. He used to drink Mickey's beer and one time we played a trick on him. We took an old Mickey's beer bottle, filled it with apple juice, sat it in the refrigerator and waited for him or my uncle Doc to show up and claim it. He came in, smiled back at us befuddled, grinning at him like dorks, took a sip and frowned up. We fell out laughing (we were goofy and easily amused that summer) so he chugged the whole thing and never said a word. My uncle was the very first man I'd ever known to wear biker shorts. In the 80s, he rode my cousins ten-speed bike all over L.A. in a black pair adorned with a yellow banana patch placed right on the crotch that read: EAT MY BANANA.

I think I was in Jr. High school when he decided to move back to St. Louis. Uncle Bob is about 60 now. Him and my mother are only 11 months apart, that's how I keep track. He has 9 grandkids out here and one great granddaughter. He's only met the 9 once so he wants to come and visit soon. That's why we talked. He says he's making plans to come and visit and I can't wait to see him! The first thing he said to me when I answered the phone was "It's got cheeeeese on it!"

which is what I said to him at the tender age of 5 while trying to coerce him to eat a shoe :D I love that man so very much. If you read this far, thanks for walking down memory lane with me.