Although some days I want to be. I miss the rush of desire, fantasizing about someone every other minute of my day, feeling high, and losing myself in hedonism.
Other days I’m glad that I’m not because love can be complicated. It often times gets in the way of the best laid plans, sidetracking your life until the spell subsides or is completely over. And I’ve got a full list of plans that I want to accomplish by a certain point in my life. I’m in high pursuit of them, too. So if I happen to stumble on love in pursuit of my goals, then great. I’d consider myself extremely fortunate. But I’m not holding my breath. I know loves a rare occurrence, especially at my age. The age of practicality and reservations.
I’m currently, in fact, not in love. And neither is he, I’m sure. We’re keeping company, passing time. I know that if I said this to him he’d likely deny that he feels this way, and I know that’s only because he doesn’t want to risk losing the perks of our relationship. But we’re keeping time. That’s all. There’s no forever between us, no long time affair in store. It’s clear to me that it’s temporary, yet just how long temporary is remains to be seen. We’re not in love though, that’s for sure. We don’t behave like two people who are smitten with one another. It’s sort of like we’re just agreeing not to be alone. For this time in our lives, we’re choosing to keep company as opposed to no company at all. We hang out, we share meals, a warm bed some weekends, and it’s… nice. I wish I was thrilled about it, though.
Here’s my favorite article on the subject: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704672,00.html
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