Time

It’s the one thing I’d wish for more of if I was ever given a genie who grants wishes. Time to spend an afternoon lying around and reading everything I can get my hands on. Time to watch all of my favorite movies in one sitting and not feel like I’ve lost a day of productivity. Time to sit and talk to my son and listen to him rant with enthusiasm about MMA and all the other things that he’s passionate about (it's really cool to hear him talk about Kimbo Slice and the others). Time to daydream and be creative. Time to try out every recipe in every cookbook that I own. Time to sleep in really late. Time to stop and smell the roses! Instead, I have to prioritize my time and usually the good stuff, the things I’d rather be doing, take a backseat to the things I must do. I’d like to trade this Superwoman cape in for a pair of pajamas, my work clothes for sweats, my watch for a bowl of cherries. Recently, my doctor told me that, for the 3rd year straight, my cholesterol is too high and that I need to exercise more. But I don’t have time, which means that if I don’t do something about my lifestyle, I could die of heart disease. So in essence, I am too busy dying to live. My life is a contradiction but I don’t know how to change it. I just keep piling more stuff onto my plate with the intention of improving my lot, but usurping more of my time in the process. For instance, all this planning for the future that I’m doing takes time. Meanwhile, I rarely ever live for each moment. What did one of the Beattles say? Something about life going on while you were too busy making plans? Clearly I need to slow down. In my defense, I’ve gotten better at managing my time for the mundane. The caveat is that I can’t seem to find enough time to do all of the enjoyable things that I want to do. After today, I’m planning to live it up for at least a month before getting back into my routine of responsibility. I’m taking me and my son to Disneyland, we’ll have a picnic at the beach with our kites, I’m buying tickets to a show at the Hollywood Bowl, I’ll be sleeping late on Saturday morning, and spending all day Sunday in my pajamas, for starters. I think I’ll let my recycling pile up again, too. Maybe if I rebel, rage against the machine a little bit, I'll get more exercise and learn how to cook vegan dishes that might save me from developing heart disease. I don't know but I'm damn sure going to try.