It's been almost a month and now he decides to talk to me. I'd never really given him much thought. I mean, I noticed him the very first day - one of two black guys in the entire class, except the other guy is clearly gay and impoverished - but I shrugged, took a seat and focused on what I'd come there to learn. He didn't look like the type who typically approaches someone like me so it never occurred to me that he might be interested until yesterday when he decided to sit next to me and talk to me - with only two more classes to go and I'll miss one of them while vacationing in New Orleans.
Caught me completely off guard (what's new, right? lol) so I really didn't know how to behave or what to think so I over-thought and got nervous...naturally. I wish I could say that I'm this suave, super confident vixen but she doesn't show up until the butterflies dissipate. He's cute. He looks young though. I suspect that maybe I have about 7-10 years on him, which is another reason I'd never given him a second thought. From memory, I'd say he stands about 6 feet, give or take. He wears glasses sometimes, too... chocolate brown, not dark chocolate, and fit. One of those body's that make you swear his mama must be large breasted and husky. A Roger Thomas mama. Mandingo's son. You know what I mean? And he's articulate, and he looks me directly in my eyes without turning away. I turn away, though cause my vixen isn't sure it's safe to come out yet. I hope I'm not sending him the wrong message. Either way, there's only one more class left where I'll see him so if we don't get to speak then...that'll be that. Another guy I'll wonder about.
So yesterday when he decided to talk to me about class and the test and other mundane stuff, I didn't end up staying long enough to see where it might have gone, if anywhere. I had to leave in the middle of class, right after the test and he smiled at me as I stood up suddenly and left. Who's to say why he chose that day to sit by me, though? Maybe he just wanted to chat about class and I looked like someone he could comfortably chat with. It could be that he's not interested in anything other than what he got yesterday - a brief conversation. Whatever his motives were I have to say it felt great not to be shunned. See, me and black men, our history is either they come on too strong or they shun me like a leper. It's a very rare occasion that my brothers are simply friendly with me just because. So I come to expect one or the other - thirst or feigned disgust. A few years back I'd signed up for an Adobe Creative Suite class and the instructor happened to be a black man. He never looked me in the eye when speaking to me, was always very unfriendly, and when one of his colleagues - another black man - visited the class one day while I was at his desk asking him a question, the friend made a big deal about him being a married man, laughing and telling him he'd better be a "good boy." The fuck? I was so very angry that day, I wanted to stab them both in the eyes with my car keys.
Anyway, I don't even know this guys name but now he's got me thinking about him whereas before I'd forget he exists until Saturdays rolled around and I'd see him in class. I do hope he's interested in more than my conversation, though. I'd love to spend this spring/summer getting to know him.
Caught me completely off guard (what's new, right? lol) so I really didn't know how to behave or what to think so I over-thought and got nervous...naturally. I wish I could say that I'm this suave, super confident vixen but she doesn't show up until the butterflies dissipate. He's cute. He looks young though. I suspect that maybe I have about 7-10 years on him, which is another reason I'd never given him a second thought. From memory, I'd say he stands about 6 feet, give or take. He wears glasses sometimes, too... chocolate brown, not dark chocolate, and fit. One of those body's that make you swear his mama must be large breasted and husky. A Roger Thomas mama. Mandingo's son. You know what I mean? And he's articulate, and he looks me directly in my eyes without turning away. I turn away, though cause my vixen isn't sure it's safe to come out yet. I hope I'm not sending him the wrong message. Either way, there's only one more class left where I'll see him so if we don't get to speak then...that'll be that. Another guy I'll wonder about.
So yesterday when he decided to talk to me about class and the test and other mundane stuff, I didn't end up staying long enough to see where it might have gone, if anywhere. I had to leave in the middle of class, right after the test and he smiled at me as I stood up suddenly and left. Who's to say why he chose that day to sit by me, though? Maybe he just wanted to chat about class and I looked like someone he could comfortably chat with. It could be that he's not interested in anything other than what he got yesterday - a brief conversation. Whatever his motives were I have to say it felt great not to be shunned. See, me and black men, our history is either they come on too strong or they shun me like a leper. It's a very rare occasion that my brothers are simply friendly with me just because. So I come to expect one or the other - thirst or feigned disgust. A few years back I'd signed up for an Adobe Creative Suite class and the instructor happened to be a black man. He never looked me in the eye when speaking to me, was always very unfriendly, and when one of his colleagues - another black man - visited the class one day while I was at his desk asking him a question, the friend made a big deal about him being a married man, laughing and telling him he'd better be a "good boy." The fuck? I was so very angry that day, I wanted to stab them both in the eyes with my car keys.
Anyway, I don't even know this guys name but now he's got me thinking about him whereas before I'd forget he exists until Saturdays rolled around and I'd see him in class. I do hope he's interested in more than my conversation, though. I'd love to spend this spring/summer getting to know him.
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