The rain is always welcome. And on weeks like this one it is such a respite from all the stress and anxiety I’ve been feeling. It’s as though rain water washes it all away. It clears the air; it helps all life to grow. It’s sort of like Gods way of forcing us to slow down and start over. Not that many people listen and take heed, especially on the freeways out here, lol. But hard heads make for soft asses when somewhere down the road their car is totaled. I am starting over. The week hasn’t quite ended but every day is a new chance to begin anew and I aim to do that today. I’m clearing my head of nonsense and static and focusing on what behooves me. Maybe I’ll take Axl for a walk this afternoon when I get home, then after that I’ll let my creative juices flow for a spell before I pray and head to bed. Let the right side of my brain heal the left. It’s cathartic.

I’ve been thinking a lot about India. Googling Jaipur, its crime statistics and weather, cultural customs, and traveling there as a woman. But I think, at this point, it’d be in my best interest to spend that 5k elsewhere. It would be just my luck that I book this nonrefundable trip and my house breaks while I’m abroad in India. I look at money a lot differently these days. Saving it is essentially losing it since it’s not growing in a bank account anywhere near the rate of inflation. It’s just mental security, really. So I’m going to invest more. I’ve been dumping money here and there into my mutual fund and, thankfully, the price of shares has steadily risen. Last night it was at about $50 a share. Not bad, but not great. I have to get over my fear of investing in the big stocks but before I do that I have to get over my laziness and read a few balance sheets. What a chore! I’ll do it though because it’s important to me to be financially stable. It’s been a goal of mine since forever and it’s about time I upped my ante. If I ever want to realize my dream of buying a home in Hawaii I have to focus and quit goofing around with nonsense. I’ve been letting too much chaos enter my mind, too many people without good intentions, too many toxic emotions being absorbed. I need “om” like a motherfucker. I’m cutting out most meats and sugars too. That’s going to be hard as hell but I have to do it. Come April I will resume my weekly walks to the farmers market for fruit, veggies, and maybe free range chicken. Who am I kidding? Of course, free range chicken. And other than free range yard bird I’ll continue to eat grains, shrimp, and some farm raised fish. I’ve thought about growing all my own but I really don’t have the time for that just yet. I’m also trying to get used to living alone. I’ve never lived alone in my life and this is truly weird for me. It’s a bit scary and I worry that it will be permanent. Well, at least until my mother gets too old to live on her own and comes to live with me. I’ve been trying to keep busy so that I keep my mind off of it but I often don’t even want to leave the house once I get there. I was supposed to meet a group for coffee last night and I just couldn’t find the stamina to go. That could’ve been due to my pms. It is truly a curse.