I have a black thumb

I love plants and flowers, I truly do, but I can’t seem to pay them the attention they need to survive in my garden. And I want a pretty garden so badly. This really saddens me and has actually caused me to have a couple of nightmares, complete with tossing and turning. I murdered a small tree, recently. Yup, it’s brown now and I keep watering it hoping that it will miraculously spring back to life. Like maybe it’s circling the drain but we haven’t hit the point of no return yet. In my dreams I am distraught over this tree so I rush outside with my shovel and dig a hole to plant the tree in so that maybe its roots won’t rot and it will grow. I don’t actually do this when I wake up but I remain hopeful for a comeback, looking for signs of life almost every day. The other day I moved it out of the beaming sun a bit by pushing the container with my foot, and I accidentally made contact with one of its limbs and it snapped right off :(. Why!? What’s wrong with me!? Why must I have wicked thumbs? Plants and flowers are so beautiful…until I get them and neglect them. I’ve even killed huge sections of my lawn. I was trying to get rid of weeds a while back and I didn’t read the label on the weed killer spray. It said “Do not use on St. Augustine grass,” which is what I have. So now there is a huge section of my backyard that is brown and partly dirt. Then, about a month ago, I had my son turn on the sprinklers and pop in the latest Netflix movie. How about we watched the entire movie, ate dinner, went to bed and woke up the next morning with the sprinklers still going! I am ashamed of myself. I’d hire a gardener but I can’t really afford to. Maybe I’ll look into at least getting a timer for my sprinklers.