Somethings missing

And I don’t know what it is © John Mayer. Huge sigh. Sometimes I think that it must be love, but then I realize that I have plenty of that. So then I figure it must just be romance that’s absent from my life, but then all these frogs and toads must count for something, right? So maybe it’s romantic love that I yearn for. If it’s not that, then maybe it’s boredom. Or maybe I just need a vacation. I’m not satisfied with things and every morning I wake up feeling like it’s too soon, like I wasted my precious night away with worry and I need more time to catch up on making things right, on feeling better. But I have to get up and go to work and do the same tired routine I do every day. Last night I was on the phone with a guy I know I don’t particularly care for, giving him a shot to change my mind. No dice. He’s lost as hell and wholly content about it. Talking about he doesn’t like art (huh? How can that be? O_o), and he doesn’t like jazz (what?!) and he’s afraid of flying, and his idea of a great evening is sitting in front of the television set, and if we were to get married I would have to switch to his church because God said that a man leads a woman to church. It's in the Bible. And he believes in God because there's just too much water on Earth, etc. His rationale was awe inspiring. Yes, I’ve hit a new low. Oh, and then he argued with me that a spirit is not the same thing as a ghost, which he called “ghostses.” He believes in spirits but he does not believe in "ghostses." I made him Google it and read the definition aloud. His mind is so tightly closed and full of idiocy, I don’t know if I can keep up this charade. So while he spent the hour plus on the phone trying to change my mind, telling me how great a guy he is, pushing and pulling me to see things his way, I spent the entire time being combative, trying to show him the error of his ways. When I hung up I was exhausted and felt like a chunk of my life had gone missing. This is not what I want. I think I know what I want but it’s just not coming to me, it’s not being cooperative, it’s being elusive and nonchalant and making me want to scream. How many damn frogs must I endure!? While I’m waiting for that answer to be revealed to me, I shuffle on, go to work every day, come home to my other job as mom and Head of Household, find an hour or two for my hobbies and then a little dream indulgence, and steady making plans for the future.

As an aside, I opened my email this morning and learned that I now have “a total of one fan” on Yelp.com, lol. I laughed and said out loud “whoa.” Somebody likes my crazy reviews. Go figure. It is a teensy bit inspiring though…as long as I don’t read too much into it.