He bought me a bible

Seriously. He told me (during our 3am phone conversation because I couldn't sleep) that I was losing faith and forgetting that God is with me, always has been, and always will be. My life is up to me and it can go whatever way I choose. Choice, not chance, determines your destiny. So he bought me a bible to remind me. This bible, as a matter of fact, and I'm glad he did. At first I denied, denied, denied, and became defensive at the suggestion. I believe in God, I hadn't forgotten. But after reading the first 10 pages or so of my new bible, I realized that he was right. I had forgotten, and my anxiety and frustration was largely because I had lost faith in myself and behaved as though I was going it alone. Despite all of my blessings, my family and friends, and all the times I've worried for nothing, because, in the end, things always turn out right.

I had forgotten that I am only in control of my choices, the free will that was given to me at birth. I did not create myself and I alone cannot sustain my life. Neither of those two things I can control. Just my choices. And God never gives us more than we were designed to bear. Life becomes much easier to live when grace is your perception.

I don't know what the future holds, neither do I know why any of us are here, why we're all unique, why we live and die, why water is wet, and why everything, every single thing, has its place in this world, in this universe. But I do know what is. I don't have to understand how God works to believe in God. I don't need to know why to know that I am. Likewise, I don't question God to know that He is. My proof is the very stuff I am made of.

God is infinite and a finite mind cannot understand the infinite. (c) Genesis

I had an astronomy teacher who said that within every living thing on Earth is star bits. We're all, literally, made up of the same things that stars are. Science explains that all the elements on Earth heavier than hydrogen originated inside stars. The iron that carries oxygen in your blood was created when a star died. Everything is connected, and I believe that is by God's perfect design. Not chance. The same creator of those billions of unimaginably distant galaxies full of stars also created us ;) .

So I'm fumbling around a lot less these days, slowly rediscovering my divinity, coming out of a fog, but still fragile, still human. Step by step and I'll be right where I'm supposed to be, as long as I choose what I know in my heart is right and keep going. Life is too short to waste time stuck and worrying. Jump, and the net will appear.

The bible is the best gift he has given me. It was thoughtful and sincere, in my opinion, and it may have saved me from detouring down a treacherous path.

All that to say...I'm BACK ON TRACK! :D