I hate bikini underwear.

They are never, ever practical. Every time the phrase “panty line” is uttered, you should already know that the culprit is wearing a pair of bikini undies, or granny panties. No matter what you’re wearing, be it a skirt, dress or pants. But the alternative, decent boy short’s, are a bitch to find. If they’re made out of lycra/spandex, which tends to stay put well and that’s all you really want - coverage, but if they don’t have a cotton crotch, forget it. You’ll hate your gynecologist even more than you already do. You’ll want to press charges and see him/her in jail. It’s not worth the aggravation, trust me. Plus, if you have even the slightest bit of junk in your derriere, bikini’s will creep up into the crack. They don’t stay put like good ole boy shorts do. So you’ll be digging them out throughout your day. And don’t even get me started on thong underwear. Ugh. Suffice it to say, thongs are the devil, Satan himself wedged in betwixt your ass cheeks, wreaking havoc on your vajayjay.

They really ought to quit making thong and bikini undies, in my opinion. But too many women are creatures of habit, even with things (like sanitary napkins and nylon stockings) that don’t work. We just prance around in our high heel shoes enduring the pain and discomfort without demanding change. They burned bras in the 60s for all the wrong reasons, really. We ought to burn bikini drawls and granny panties, this decade. And what kind of drawls do I have on today? Mm hm, that’s what prompted this post. I need to do laundry.