Years ago, my cousin Nicky made friends with a very dysfunctional woman named Janice. Janice had two kids, a girl and a boy. The boy was always in need of someone, the girl had her god-mother to run to. So the boy spent an enormous amount of time with my family. Even a few Christmases with us because his mother didn't particularly care for him. We bought him his first and only dirt bike that first year and he was thrilled. Well, long story short, somehow we lost touch with the little boy, until one day I ran into him as a teenage man in the mall. Judging from his attire and the guys he was with, he was clearly in a gang - his new family. I hugged him tight and told him that my mother and the rest of the family had been looking for him and that he should come by my mom's house. He did. As time went on, I came to see that he had grown up to be quite bitter and unethical. Stealing came easy. He beat a neighbor kid with a baseball bat to near death with no remorse. My mother still saw potential in him. I was hopeful, yet doubtful. Fast forward and he is now an alcoholic at 27, has a 2 year old son with a girlfriend who is just as full of drama as he is (match made in Hell), and his fingers are still sticky. He came over to my house and told us how he'd lifted over $600 worth of toys from his employer with his managers' help. Great. He went on to say that his girlfriend was angry at him for leaving on Christmas Eve. Naturally. Then he started to talk about the Christmas when he was 12 and my son had gotten more presents than he could open. He always brings this up. He'll never forget it, apparently. Anyway, yes, my son is spoiled and it was not my idea for him to have so many gifts to open that year when he was about 4, I think - it was his daddy's and my mother's. So then he starts to gossip about his girlfriend and how scandalous she is. He runs into the hallway and snatches down two of my photos. I am annoyed but trying not to spaz. The night is long.
I could barely sleep because I was worrying about his sticky fingers. Then, with a little help from my spoiled son, he managed to alienate my nephew who is already feeling unwanted and unloved because his mother is a nutjob :( *le sigh
I love my nephew more than he probably knows and it is truly breaking my heart that he is having a tough time right now. I'd need a separate post to even begin to explain it all but I can see him slipping away slowly. And I really wish he didn't have that other one, the one my mother adopted into the family, influencing him and putting ideas in his head.
So I made it through the night, albeit sleeping on eggshells for fear of something in my home being "lifted." Then on Christmas morning my ex texted to say that his father would be coming to pick us up around 12pm. I wanted to take my nephew with us but my son, who I am still angry with, pitched a fit. He didn't want my nephew mingling with his cousins on his fathers' side for some reason, saying that it would be awkward and weird...all in front of my nephew. I blew a gasket and later on when my nephew was out of sight, I told my son he'd better apologize OR ELSE. His behavior is another post, as well, but suffice it to say that I will get to the bottom of his snobbish behavior. Anyway, I told my ex that I would be driving my car up to Fontana because I wanted to make sure there was room for my nephew. But after my son's hissy fit, and the adopted cousin talking my nephew into not going, we ended up having one-less riding with us. He went to the casino with my mom and stepdad and their adopted son of Lucifer. But since you have to be over 21 years of age to even step foot into San Manuel Indian Bingo and Casino, my nephew spent Christmas sitting in the car for hours, talking to and being influenced by that adopted jack ass. smh.
My spirits already dampened, I show up to my ex's sisters' house and am greeted repeatedly with love and affection throughout the afternoon and evening. Sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins...everyone was perfect. It was enough to make me sad because I knew I no longer belonged and my own family was such a mess. My ex said that everyone has come to expect me to spend Christmas with them and his sisters and father had made mention of me spending Christmas with them, weeks prior. He said that even though he and I are no longer a couple, they still consider me family and I don't require an invitation to attend. But how can I continue to? As much as I wish I could, I know that as long as my ex is the way that he is (and he isn't changing, that's for damn sure), there is no way that I should. I have to let them go, too, and it hurts almost just as much. So, this Christmas was bitter sweet.
His sister just called to tell me that Teena Marie died and to talk about last night. I am such a wuss! I cried :( and I know she knew it wasn't over Teena Marie dying. She probably thinks it's over her brother, but it's really over her and the others. Haha. I stopped crying over him a long time ago.
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