Today's ramble

Last week I vowed that I am not going broke, however, today I fear that I already am! Lol :( I got a letter from Uncle Sam yesterday stating that he's coming to collect his First Time Homebuyers' funds from me. That asshole. How is it a "credit" when you want it paid back? I mean, I realized it was a loan when I agreed to accept it two tax seasons ago, but I had no idea I'd have to pay some of it back so soon. And now that I've spent it, and not particularly wisely, and Pres. Obama decided to let the other new home buyer's keep their dough, I'm a wee bit salty about forking over these clams given my circumstances. Last night, I decided to go over my income/output for the year in order to see if I could afford the two trips to NOLA and Costa Rica. That's when it occurred to me that I'm po'. It's not a good feeling, let me tell you. Something will have to give in order for us to make it through this year as comfortably as we did last year and the year before that. We're finally beginning to feel this recession and it's scary. My son is none the wiser, of course, which is the way I want it. As a parent, I don't want him needlessly stressing over how I'm going to do my job of supporting us. I will be sure to return the favor once I'm old and gray and in need of his support, believe me.

So I haven't slept all that great for the past two days and money wasn't even the entire cause of it, but it definitely played a leading role. We'll manage in that regard. Money's co-stars last night were loneliness (my son just left for Victorville for four and a half days, I have no dog and no boo), frustration (I'm not fond of my job at all and I'm antsy about the future), and worry (for some reason, everyone's trying to scare me up over home expenses. I haven't had anything major to worry about to date *knock on wood, thankfully, though). All of this adds up to me staying in on New Years Eve and New Years Day to map out an action plan for the new year. I will do this to the sounds of some jazz greats, old and new-ish, while painting the kitchen and drinking rounds of cider.