There’s a bridal shop on Fair Oaks Avenue not too far from my house that I used to pass every morning on my way to work, and every day without fail I’d slow down a little bit to admire the dresses in the window and fantasize about my dream wedding and my ideal relationship. Perhaps it was a steady diet of Cinderella stories growing up that caused me to do that then and remain hopeful now, even if just a little bit, that fairy tales do exist. I was in a relationship at the time that I’d been in since I was in high school. Although I hated to admit this, it was sort of just like my grandmother said. She said that women often settle with who wants to settle with them, and not the other way around. She told my mother and my aunts to love who loves you. When my mother first told me this story I was outraged because it contradicted everything I’d been taught and force fed my whole life. It defied fairy tales where love is mutual and magical, and was really quite depressing. I overreacted and I see now that what she said was partly true.

I loved my ex dearly and it was all by happenstance. I loved him because he loved me (immensely) first and what I’d really wanted at the time was just to love and be loved. So I settled with him because he was good enough and he wanted so badly to settle with me. I was sure that this relationship was my happily ever after. Then he started to treat me differently, with less love and affection, and the heart that I’d built up around him began to break. Today he swears that he’s never stopped loving me and never will. That it was all due to his youth and immaturity, his fear of losing me. But what’s done is done and lessons are learned.

I never needed to be saved. A man isn’t the ultimate prize.

It wasn’t all bad, though. There are tons of fond memories intertwined, a lot of honeymoon phases but not nearly enough for me to remain where I probably shouldn’t have been in the first place. When I left my primary regret was that I couldn’t make it work no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t control the outcome and I couldn’t live happily ever after with him. I’ve since come to terms with that.

We’re still friends. He stops by and mows my lawn from time to time and we hang out on occasion. I’ve thanked him for the good and the bad times. On those rainy days it feels good knowing he loves me. My girlfriend once told me that he is my parachute. Whatever that means.

I know I talk a lot of jazz about dating and becoming a Golden Girl and all but, honestly, I’m enjoying being single. I’m pretty self-sufficient and I enjoy my freedom immensely. Relationships take a lot of work to maintain and right now I’d kind of like to take it easy. Just give me the romance, for now.

Have you ever noticed that every fairy tale ends after marriage, anyway? Ha! We never actually see them living happily ever after.

I still check out the dresses in the window whenever I pass that bridal shop, which isn’t as often these days. It was a fantasy, a Cinderella tale to wear the gown and be the belle of the ball. Now it’s mostly nostalgia for who I was. The dresses are still gorgeous but marriage no longer looks so appealing. Not in the traditional sense, at least. However, a marriage where two adults respect one another, are self-sufficient and know how to compromise and reason fairly sounds like a dream to me! :D

I do want to get married. But I won’t marry simply for the sake of being married. I don’t care about appearances. I don’t want to pretend to be Cinderella. My goal is to live happily ever after, married or not. I'll be fine either way.