Do you like pina coladas...and getting caught in the rain?

I'm baaaack! and yes, my dear Tre, I had a grand old time. So much to tell, so much to say, where to begin??? Vegas is like a big, city-wide party, but it's moreso a man's town than it is a woman's. The ground in Vegas is littered with naked women. Literally. You can’t walk a block without passing a line of Latino men and women in "girls, girls, girls" t-shirts, all snapping business card sized porn at you that feature naked women in every pose imaginable. They snap the little cards with their fingers and practically shove them in your face, so instinctually many people end up accepting them and then dropping them to the ground before they reach the end of the block. Vegas is a man’s town. I say this every time I visit, which is often, and it’s mainly because vagina is everywhere. From the scantily clad waitresses, cocktail girls, female bar dancers, 95% naked female slot machine pole dancers (they’re a fairly new phenomenon and they dance atop the slot machines while men watch and dump their money into the machines), peep show girls, club hopping female tourists, to the burlesque performers, strippers, and prostitutes, it's an abundantly sexually charged atmosphere. When I was younger, I had penis envy. I used to be jealous of boys because it seemed like they had more fun, could do practically whatever they wanted and nothing was taboo. They were physically stronger and nobody covered their eyes during the love scenes in movies when we were kids. It was so unfair. And now they have Las Vegas where they don't have to worry about being kidnapped and carted off to who knows where (women have been snatched right off Las Vegas Blvd. but the police seem to be more present these days), every billboard has a naked woman on it regardless of what's really being advertised (but what's really being advertised? methinks it's not just $2.99 steak and eggs but $2.99 steak, eggs and sex with a woman), and it's girls, girls, girls all the time, everywhere you look. However, now that I'm older I see that my jealousy was unwarranted simply because now that I am older and can do whatever I want...I really don't want to do any of those scandalous, risque, whorish things that men do in Vegas. I figure, even if I were a man, none of that stuff would fit my personality. I'd be one of those guys boo'd up with my honey and happily watching the water show at the Bellagio. I love that water show. No matter how often I watch it, it just warms me up and buttery inside. Especially when they play Luck be a Lady. What a great song! And watching the water dance to the music makes me want to dance, I feel so whimsical and romantic.

So anyway, the drunken men and women did serve as great entertainment for me. So many women in spandex freak-em dresses hitting just beneath their asses, so one false move and it was moon's-ville for all. Screaming and flashing abounded regardless, though and "whooo! Hooooo!" was the catch phrase. One guy had a pair of plastic breasts strung around his neck and kept yelling at other men "quit looking at my boobs!" It was funny. Karaoke was funny too. I was so preoccupied that I often forgot to pull out my camera so I didn't get enough pics :( Sorry yall. I did get some though, and one of them is of ME WITH MARION MEADOWS WHO JAMMED THE FUCK OUT OF THE JAZZ FEST! He's pretty short so even with me scooching down, he still looks miniscule in the photo. And it was hot out there with a nice breeze, however, I still ended up with my sweaty deodorized pits on his shoulder. I'm going to load the pictures tonight and post them soon but see me and Marion to the right.

Lots of caravaning and mobile homes seen on the road to Nevada and on the way I got the crew to sing the song in this posts title:

If you like Pina Coladas

And getting caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga

If you have half a brain

If you'd like making love at midnight

In the dunes on the Cape

Then I'm the love that you've looked for

Write to me and escape!

So at the jazz festival I had my very first real drink ever :) (Bartels and James and other wine coolers don't count). Actually, it was so good I decided to have two. I drank Malibu rum mixed with pineapple/orange juice and it was delicious. And I’m pretty sure I’ll have another one again the next time I’m out. Very tropical tasting, coconut and pineapple and o.j. and I felt grown as hell, lol. Marion Meadow's came out first and half way through his performance he hopped off stage and played his horn right there in the crowd, playing to children, dancing with women and dapping men. He had everyone on their feet after telling us to give our butts a rest.
We took a picnic in - shrimp, jello-shooters, chicken, chips, grapes, wine, strawberries, watermelon, cake, etc. - and while I was chilling in my beach chair a cute, super buff guy came over to talk to me. He came with a group of guys and I noticed them earlier but paid him no mind at all until he came over to me and asked me if I wanted a drink. They had a cooler full of alcohol but I'm no real drinker and I already had my malibu/pineapple drink so I told him thanks but no thanks, I don't drink. And then I felt like such a nerd. I'm thinking maybe I ought to stop telling people that because they either think I'm a recovering alcoholic, or they look at me like I'm Mother Theresa and they are frightened, lol. Anyway, so while we're chatting his cellphone rang (mm hmm) and he answered it (rude!) but stayed there next to me talking to his cousin (he told me who it was). He asked me to excuse him and otherwise, he was mannerable and pleasant. I continued to flip through my magazine, pretty much blocking him and his convo out but I did manage to hear him bigging himself up a bit and bragging about his cousin who is allegedly Floyd Mayweather's bodyguard. Big whoop. I knew then that he took me for an easily impressed blondie, which I most certainly am not, and he figured if he had "connects" I'd be beating his hotel room door down to get into his pants. NOT. He asked me to call him later on so that maybe we could hang out. I said "okay." Then Masa came on stage and I wanted to get pictures of her so I excused myself from his cellphone convo and got up to go walk around the ampitheater and snap shots. That's when I met "Candy Cane."

"Candy" (not his real name but one we gave him because of his red and white get-up) stopped me and asked me if I would take a picture of him. Sure, I said. So there's "Candy" right there to the right. I told him I was going to add this picture to my blog. In case you're wondering, Candy had on red shoes as well.

I head back to my campsite and I noticed the cute, buff, pimp playa himalaya was now grinning all up in some woman's face. And she was grinning hoard, yall, so I knew then that it was a "you can get it" grin and not just a friendly "hey, how you doin, bruh? Good to see ya" moment. He spots me and he tries to subdue his convo but she's touchy-feely and he's not stopping her. I turn back to my magazine and my aunt notices him putting the woman's number into his phone. I then mentally erase him from my rolodex. All that day I noticed him making his rounds, grinning and smiling and adding numbers to his phone. Ugh. And he had such great arms too, but oh well. Another one to add to the peace pile. The only reason not to delete his number from my phone is so that if/when he calls me his name will appear on my caller ID. But at that moment, I decide he will never hear from me again.

On my way back from the bathroom and taking my picture with Marion Meadows, Candy Cane spots me and asks for my blog address, wondering how he's going to get to see the picture that I took of him. We begin to talk and he's a sweet, cuddly, somewhat awkward bear, but it is truly endearing to me. So as I'm putting Candy's email address into my phone I see Pimp Playa Himalaya peeking up at me from down at the bottom of the hill. I pretend like I don't see him, then I tell Candy I gotta go because my party was standing there waiting for me (you know women usually go to the bathroom in pairs or groups, lol).

I'll be back with more later. I have a suntan and need to tend to slight sunburn on my ta-ta's from sitting in the sun with semi-cleavage.