When I was three years old my father kidnapped me

He told my mom he was taking me to the circus and had my uncle, my mom's brother and his best friend, vouch for him. But we went straight to the airport and hopped on a plane to St. Louis, instead. It's debateable why he took me. It could've been spite because my mother had asked for a divorce when she found out he was cheating. It could've been fear of losing me to "Charlie Brown," the man my mom was dating back then (Charles) that I affectionately gave that nickname to. It could've been because he loved me. Maybe it was all of that, or none of that. I'll never know for sure.
My mother was hysterical, of course. She went to the police and they told her that all she could do was kidnap me back. That he, as my father, had just as much a right to take me as she did as my mother. The laws in the 70s regarding these matters were vigilante. So she flew back and forth to St. Louis repeatedly, trying to find me and steal me back from him. I remember changing preschools often because she'd come looking for me at one of them and the administration would tell him the following day that they didn't want to be involved and felt it would be better if I left. She was always a day or a few hours too late.

My theory is that he eventually got tired of running and realized she'd never stop trying to find me. Plus, I was a very precocious three year old, very inquisitive. He told me that much later on. Made me think I might've been a handful, lol. Then I got sick and he didn't know what to do. So he took me to my grandmothers house nearby. She said it was pouring rain and I was lying motionless on the backseat of his car in a t-shirt and panties with a fever. She took me inside, thanked him for bringing me, and soon after we were on a plane back to L.A.
My mother was so happy to see me. As soon as we were reunited, before the hugging and the kissing, just like a good girl I told Charlie Brown what my dad had instructed me to tell him. I said "Charlie Brown, my daddy said he has a gun and he's going to shoot you," thinking nothing of my statement at all. My mother said they both just looked at one another and said "Okay baby. We're going home now."

This picture was taken while we were on the lam.
He tried to comb my hair but clearly he failed :).

It took me well into adulthood before I finally understood him and realized that he really did love me. He was never very good at showing it. Of course, by then, he was gone and I partly blamed myself, but that's another chapter. My dad passed away in July of 2003.

What kind of person doesn’t want to be loved?

All my life I had a constant burning. A strong, deep, desire, an aching ambiguous yearning, yearning for something better
For something bigger
For something wider
For something higher. And lots of regrets cause I ain't seem to found it yet.
I've been searching around the world never knowing what to expect. I get sad sometimes, yes I be mad sometimes. Cause I'm out here on the grind making mine and I still can't seem to find what I've been looking for. Opened so many doors. For real,yo...
I just wanna be loved...like everybody else does. I just wanna be loved
I just wanna be loved [Repeat x4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z9tuvNUMLk

I guess the good news is, I'm not broken. :)
le sigh.

Monday, and another week begins...

The pics and video from the concert have been uploaded. I apologize for the shaky video; people kept standing up and needing to get past me right when I started taping. So if you watch, please pardon my all-over-the-place-ness. It was not my intent.
I've been listening to Esperanza since Sunday and her cd has put me in a fabulous mood. My two standout favorites are "Precious" and "Fall in", two incredibly beautiful songs. The entire cd is that way, though - uncut bliss, heaven to your ear drums. Listening to her voice, my mind is clear and open, I feel light as air. Like I know the grand scheme of things, lol...and it makes me no nevermind. *smiles
"Adore You" is playing now, and even without real words, it is spectacular. I implore you to buy her cd if you haven't already and you kind of dig jazz even a little bit. There's something on it for everyone.

An early summer nights dream

I sound raspy as shit. That's because I was screaming my head off last night at Ms. Sheila E. (Escovedo) and her daddy, Pete Escovedo at the Playboy Jazz Festival. I had a great time. Esperanza Spalding certainly didn't disappoint, and neither did Eric Darius. Although my crush on him has waned a tad because he came off corny and was wearing bullet hole jeans :/
How Elaine Bettis of me, right? It sucked that they had him on last because he seemed rushed with only 30 minutes to play, yet he still killed it. Dude was running all over the stage and STILL blowing powerfully into that saxophone, WHILE slapping high fives (one-handed playing) w/ the rich folks who got to sit close to the stage near Hugh Hefner and Jamie Foxx, who strolled in with about 15 blondes. Hugh is a pitiful looking old man. I was looking for his wheelchair. He sat slumped down in his seat wearing a captains sailor suit and white cap. It looked way past his bedtime at 8 o'clock, poor thing. All the older men seated around us were clearly geeked about his arrival and the fact that he had so many blondes in tow. As if he were some kind of idol. Yet EYE know good and damn well, at his age, Viagra is likely to kill him, so I highly doubt he's living la vida loca like they think. He's just a glorified sugar daddy. His weenis is long out of commission, I am certain.
Anyway, Sheila E brought me clear out of my seat when she MURDERED those drums they placed before her. Quest Love, eat your heart out, son, because Sheila is a monster on the drums. MONSTER. I have audio of a portion of The Death of the Drums but it was too dark for my poor camera to pick up much picture. I'll post it un momento. Then she slowed it down a bit and said into the microphone: She wears a long fur coat of mink
Even in the summer time
Everybody knows from the coy little wink
The girls got a lot on her mind

The crowd went bananas! And I damn near leapt on the head of the woman in front of me. Everybody joined in and the chorus went:

She's got, big thoughts, big dreams
and a big brown Mercedes sedan
What I think this girl, she really wants
to be in love with a man
She WANTS TO LEAD
THE GLAMOROUS LIFE
SHE DON'T NEED
A MANS TOUCH (this is where we're all screaming, lol)
She wants to lead the glamorous life
without love, it aint much

Raucous applause, whistles, hoots and hollering abounded. I was so SOLD. There was a sea of light toys blinking and flicking, jello shots were still soaring through the air, and the beach balls were still being tossed from section to section. It was like one big party. Pictures and audio soon come. I have to load them from my camera so expect them, oh, by this afternoon PST.
The tribute to Wayman Tisdale left much to be desired. Hugh Hefner really doesn't know jazz. He had two groups up there that I'd never heard of, putting everyone to sleep and they played for over an hour and some change. Which is why poor Eric Darius only had about a half hour to get it in with us. He was last to perform. Esperanza made me so proud to "know" her, lol. It was clear that, despite her many in-stores here in LA at Amoeba Records and the like, not many people knew who she was because they had the gall to be TALKING during some of her performance. Then, somehow, she got everyones attention and I saw people scrambling for their programs to see just who this skinny girl with poofy hair was. Like a proud parent, lol, I was all "THAT'S ESPERANZA SPALDING! YEAH, SHE'S THE BOMB!" Grinning and smug. Anyway, the show lasted from 2:3opm until 10:30pm. I was so beat when I got home. Now it's time for strawberry and whipped cream smothered waffles. G'morning :)
Esperanza ;) watch and enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lNE7jWA5AE

Woo-sah

I'm annoyed as fuck right now. It could just be my hormones but I can't be certain. A childhood friend of mines is in jail. Apparently, he's been there for several years but we (me and my fam) just found out about a year ago. Long story short, Terrence used to live across the street from me and we met when I was 16. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for about a month before he realized that I was nowhere near ready for sex so he dumped me. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech and said he'd like it if we remained friends. I was crushed but moved on somehow and got another boyfriend who I subsequently lost my virginity to (and who also was 24 years old but lied about his age. I didn't find out until after the deed was done. But that's another story).
Anyway, so Terrence and I were friends and I'd quickly gotten over him. We went to the same high school and everyone there thought we were brother and sister. I'll never forget how he grabbed this one guy by the collar and dragged him all around the school looking for me just so he could apologize for calling me a bitch at PE. It was fantastic :) Then a few months later, Terrence's mom put him out and my mom told him that he could come and live with us. He really felt like a brother then and boy did he get on my NERVES. I'd put a soda or a slice of cheesecake in the fridge and he'd drink/eat it right from under me and then play dumb. He constantly flooded the bathroom and he broke my stereo. Suffice it to say, I have no romantic feelings for dude whatsoever. We grew up, met other folks, moved on, and then he suddenly disappeared. That is, until my idiotic, always-in-trouble cousin passed by him in jail while lining up for something or other that they make jailbirds line up for. He said they were so excited to see each other that they began jumping up and down and screaming in line like two gay lovers, lol. Fast forward about a year and there he remains.
About 8 months ago, this big old clunky heart of mines decided to write him a letter and that's what I've been doing ever since. Then I got the bright idea to offer him money. Fine, no biggie for me because I'm pretty generous. I wasn't planning to give him all that much anyway. But the caveat is that I can't just write a check and mail it off. No, according to jail house rules, I'd have to drive in traffic to the post office, which is super stressful, and wait in line to get a postal money order. Ugh. Lord knows I loathe traffic and large groups of people and the post office. So months have gone by and I keep either forgetting to pick it up, being too busy/lazy, or the stars just won't align for me so he's yet to see this money order. Now, rather than just writing me as usual and acting as though it's not a big deal (I mean, a motherfucker in jail should be happy with just receiving outside correspondence at all and not picky about what type of correspondence it is, nahmean?) because shit happens and he has no idea what's going on with me, whether I'm dead, ill, or alive...this asshole decides to write me a two paragraph letter, as opposed to his usual 2 PAGE letters, and makes snide remarks about me promising him money, of which I did no such thing. I don't promise anything I can't guarantee, lol. And I damn sure don't promise anybody money that I don't already owe them. It was more like "if I get some extra clams I'll send them your way." So now I'm annoyed like, get a load of this motherfucker? The nerve of him.
I went after work today and, just as expected, I ran into the worst traffic, the worst drivers, and a long line at the god awful post office where some old lady named Viola, wearing a page boy wig, gave me attitude. Tomorrow I will mail him this funky money order and then he won't be hearing from me for a good while. Or at least until this pms subsides.

Crawling towards Friday

Work was insane this week. I'm beat and ready for my weekend to begin. We have tickets to the Playboy Jazz festival and I'm really looking forward to going. Esperanza Spaulding, Eric Darius, etc. etc. etc. The Hollywood Bowl is a fantastic venue to see a concert in. They let you bring just about whatever you want so we're packing a picnic (I'm picking up sushi beforehand) with booze and bringing blankets and pillows to get comfy on those old benches under the stars. The last time I was there I saw Etta James perform and boy is she a vulgar old woman, lol. At one point I thought she was really going to try to strip with her old ass, in response to them chanting "take it off!" I think she might've if she'd had the strength but she looked like an antique up there - one false move and it would be her last curtain call. Anyway, the late Wayman Tisdale was billed to perform so now instead a group of the artists are planning to do a tribute to him. I hope I don't cry. Somehow, I'm sure I will though.

It's Tuesday already?

I ran amok on Monday but I got a lot accomplished. Friday I went out with two super cool girls in hijabs and learned a few things - 1) folks tend to think that wearing a hijab is akin to wearing a nuns habit (it's not). Therefore, they bestow much more respect upon them than they do to women who don't wear hijabs or habits (which aren't similar at all). 2) Wearing a hijab is the equivalent of a Christian wearing a cross around her neck. Sure, they wear them in public and, especially around men, but that doesn't mean they won't take 'em off ;) 3) Muslim women are just like the rest of us women. They swear in public. They hollahollaholla (Suzan), too, and are open to being hollered at by regular, non-Muslim men 4) There is a plethora of fine Samoan men in the Long Beach/South Bay area. I went to school down there. How on EARTH could I forget?? So after all this laughing and learning, I began my trek home at 2:45am only to find that the freeway I needed to get home, was CLOSED OFF (!@#$%$&!!!). I ended up having to drive ALL the way around this humongous city of mines, in a big ass circle, sleepy as HELL, trying to get home as fast as possible before I fell asleep behind the wheel. Only to find that the freeway that would get me to final destination WAS CLOSED DOWN TOO! I had to get off AGAIN and take the streets downtown in order to get back on that same freeway at another point, and continue the rest of my trek with 30 minutes to go until I was reunited with my beloved pillow. I made it to my bed at 3:45am and was a zombie all Saturday. Can you imagine if I drank?? Yeah, it's a good thing I don't.

Where should I go?

I've been trying to plan my vacation for over a week now and I still can't figure out where to go...or even if I should go. I missed a fabulous deal to fly to Kona for $370 roundtrip and now I'm kicking myself because, of course, I won't find another deal as sweet. More than likely, I will be traveling alone because all of my friends and family are poot butts who don't share my wanderlust. My friend Mai wants me to wait until August to go to San Francisco with her and her son but I need my vacation sooner than that. Argh. Where should I go!? Or do I stay home and explore my own city, minus the hotel bill and flight? I'm so torn.

Lifes a beach...and then a coconut?

• One in 10 people in the world live on an island


• Falling coconuts reach speeds of up to 50 miles per hour



• Each year, 150 people are struck and killed by a falling coconut. That's 10 times the number of people killed by shark attacks.



• Your odds of becoming a victim of one of these fruit is 1/250,000,000

Death by coconut. This probably isn't bizarre in say, Tonga. What a way to go out.

Tackle MY globes, Mr. Jones!

Last night I downloaded the Australia episode of "Dhani Tackles the Globe" and wowie wowie wowie! Oh boy :). I must've paused that video a dozen times, lusting and uttering dirty phrases at my computer. Two words: budgie. smugglers *bites fist. And he rocked at least 3 different pair! I think he was 90% naked for 80% of the show. And in many compromising positions :) humina, humina, humina! It was like soft porn, lol. Whoever's behind that show knows precisely what they are doing (the camera man is a pro at capturing the best ass shots and Dhani's ass is second to none). Sex sells and they have definitely tapped into an untouched market. I can't think of any other show on regular TV or cable right now that even comes close to it. So entertaining. You have a studdly, funny, handsome, open-minded host and he's living la vida loca, doing stuff we'd all love to try at least once, traveling to a heap of interesting places on somebody else's dime, and getting paid to do it all. It's a dream. HE'S a dream. And I'm getting cable just so I can watch the next season (as well as The Closer and Bravo, but primarily for Dhani). Dhani is the man that lots of men want to be, and lots of women want to do. Including this woman :D

I'm sold!

Where's my motivation?

Friday afternoon my cousin called me at work hype as hell, talking about meeting her and some friends at a new hot spot in LA to watch the game. "I bought you a Laker shirt and I cut it up for you already so just wear your jeans and a white tank!" Yit ti dee, yit ti dee! But the game started at like 6 or something and LA is a 30 minute drive away from me on a day without traffic. However, this was Friday and in order to get to her I'd have to drive through the heart of downtown in crazy thick, after-work-just-got-paid, rush-hour traffic. So I wasn't too keen on this idea from the start. I had good intentions though. Remember, I did say that I was going to start mingling more, accepting social invites and sifting through frogs to kiss. So when I got off work at 4:30pm, I tried to psyche myself up on the 15 minute drive home. Had the music pumping, getting into GEAR. Then I walked in the door and saw my beloved couch. And next to it was the remote. And on the ottoman was my computer. And in the fridge was all kinds of goodies because I had just gone to Costco. And I had been up since 6am that morning, after all.
Clearly, my ass has a mind of its own because I stripped out of my work get-up and before I knew it I was in my skivvies, my booty was making out with my comfy couch, the remote in one hand, my laptop on my lap, and a quart of peach Haagen Daz sorbet in my other hand. And the longer I sat there in wedded bliss, the more excuses I came up with for not going out. I just couldn't get excited about getting dolled up, driving for roughly 45 minutes, to sit in a bar with a bunch of obnoxious men, mentally sifting through frogs, and then going home even MORE tired. See, my cuzzo and her boyfriend have been arguing a lot lately and are on the cusp of breaking up. During the last game they literally duked it out right outside of ESPN Zone at LA Live for all to see. She won. He's 50 and a drunk. They've been fighting because he's been cheating, which she admits is the way all of his friends and male relatives operate. They have a main girl, and about 10 side boos. Okay, maybe not quite 10, but still. Knowing this, I was far from turned on about going to chill with these folks. Zero motivation indeed, since I already knew that 50% of the place was going to be filled with unkissable, cheating-heart toads. I figured it'd be a waste of time, effort, and gas. An exercise in futility. Yet I felt guilty because I said I was going to start hanging out more. Ah well. Maybe next time.
I'm going out for a jog. brb...
Okay, I'm back! And while I was out, this chubby little down syndrome looking guy (kid? teen? I can't be sure) crossed a busy street and was walking towards me smiling. I had my headphones on thinking, this kid is going to want to talk I bet but I don't have time. So as I approach him he smiles harder and shoves a pen and a letter-sized, blank piece of paper in my direction. I don't know if he said anything because I was rocking out with my ipod on, so I just smiled back and yelled "Oh, hi! Thank you but I don't have time." And I kept it moving. Then I got to the corner and it hit me. Was he trying to mack me for my phone number? lol. Is this what it's come to!? HAHAHA! Oh lordy, me. I'm being picked up by limping, fat, down syndrome teenagers.
I was supposed to go to brunch today but it doesn't look like that will be happening either.
In other news! My mumsie hit a hullabaloo of a jackpot while in Laughlin, Nevada this weekend for my step dads birthday. She called me on their way back to Cali excited, saying that she has the money ($1,100) for my carpet that she promised me, AND the money for our upcoming jazz tickets ($177). "I won a grand!" she said, trying not to let her "left hand" who was driving, know what the right hand is doing. ;) YAY MAMA! I can't wait to find out just exactly how much she really won.

Aye Dios Mio!

I am way too sensitive for my own good. I thought that by now I would've outgrown it but NOPE. I'm still a big ball of tenderness. I don't like it.
Now I'm going to go crawl into my bed and fall asleep before I get any more sentimental and gross yall out.
Ugh

More Frogs to Kiss

This past weekend my older cousin by 6 years (more like my sister since my mom raised her along with me) brought her 50 year old boyfriend over to my house for the first time for our family's annual Memorial Day barbecue. He asked if I had cable TV because he wanted to watch the game. I said that I didn't and apologized that he was missing it. Later she told me that he said I "had it going on" and that he knows "a grip of ******" who would gladly beat each other down to put some cable in my house. Lol. Although an odd sentiment, I was sincerely touched. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend. However, I'm not pressed to make just any old body my boo. I have standards. Not a long list of unreasonable demands. Just qualities that I feel would compliment who I am and what I have to offer. I'd rather be alone than settle. In fact, I'm quite content by my lonesome, which is why I haven't really gotten out there and made myself "seen" to any potential suitors. I'm thinking of changing that though. Just a teensy weensy experiment to see if I luck up on a prince. Having gotten a glimpse of what kind of toad's are out there already (trumpet guy, le pimp playa himalaya, waiter dude), I feel somewhat prepared to pick the right frog to kiss. Here's to hoping I get it right *crosses fingers
I'm going to venture out, accept some of these social invites I've been getting, and jump start my mojo. Mr. Ed Choppers invited me out with her and her cousin on Sunday. If I go (if they still go) I'll post about it.

Who wears short shorts? / The Terminator

I'm shaped more like the one on the far left from the 80's version of the commercial. However, I can only seem to find shorts made for either the terminally ass-challenged, or the resigned-to-a-fate-of-saggy-assed-dom old lady-type shorts, the "I give up" kind. In other words, too long or too short. Neither of which flatter me. The fashion industry has forced my hand. Therefore, I have decided to cut a few pairs of old jeans, cuff the legs, and make my own shorts. The granny panty shorts, the daisy duke booty cutters, and the granny Magoo almost-capri shorts must cease and desist. These days, finding a pair that flatter your shape is like rocket science. Ugh.

Leaving the movies the other day there was a man in front of us who I am convinced was a robot. His arms stuck out from his sides like they were attached with toothpicks, rather than resting against his sides and/or swinging normally. with each step only his hips twisted and his torso remained stiff. Of course, I was giggling uncontrollably and missed a prime video opportunity. I almost feel guilty posting about him without footage, but I couldn't resist.
They are among us *cue scary music

I have to get into Lois Lane reporter mode and be ready for action at a moments notice. This post without footage is kind of unacceptable.

Am I coming or going? / Damn you, Big John!

My mind is a blur more often than not. I usually find myself running amok with a million thoughts popping into my head of things I must, I need, and I should do. Like Pop-Up video. It's not cool. My To-Do list is a mile long and on about 4-5 sheets of paper. In my purse, in my planner, on a few Post-It's...I've got to find a better way. See, the problem is that the weekend is too short and the week drains me, so I tend to try to cram everything into Saturday and Sunday. Well, this Saturday I woke up at around 6am and I just layed there with my eyes closed thinking of all the things I needed to do. A few weeks ago, a very good friend had invited me over to see her new house. I quickly jotted it down on the dry-erase calendar hanging on my kitchen wall so that I wouldn't forget... and wouldn't have to remember, lol. One less thing to hold in my already over crowded head. And I didn't forget! Hooray! However, I neglected to remind myself to bring something :( So I got up and mindlessly went on with my day, doing laundry, cleaning up, fussing at my son for one thing or another, running a few errands, making a couple of phone calls, just rushing about in order to make sure I showed up at her house on time (1pm). And I did! And the house was absolutely lovely! But then Patty showed up with a great big, gorgeous gift bag and my pride for having remembered to show up and on time went straight down into my gut and wound itself up and around my esophogus. I could've picked something up while I was out that morning but it totally didn't occur to me until then. I felt like shit. But I don't blame Pat at all. She's truly a thoughtful and wonderful friend, and that's partly why we all love her so much. So ever since yesterday all I've been thinking about is how to make up for my oversight but I kind of feel like it's too late and would be too cheesy and impersonal to just have something mailed. FOCK! I truly need a better system because I am not organized as well as I should be. I'm out of control. I need a personal assistant or something.

The other day at work after a very boring teleconference call that damn near drove me stir crazy, I went outside for a breather and decided to call up my mumsy to vent. So I'm standing out by the curb in the shade on my cell yip yapping to mom and feeling the crazy leaving my system with every rant and rave, when I spotted a little pick up truck across the street in the driveway of the convalescent home. Waste Management was written on the driver side door so I knew he was a city worker. He sat in the driveway much longer than necessary because I saw two opportunities for him to make a left or right turn out into the street, but he didn't. He watched me yap, instead. Suddenly, I became slightly self-conscious, wondering how I must look to this strange man and if he would come over to say anything at all. As quickly as I began to wonder I stopped, having lived out this scene many times before and it usually culminated in The Guy not saying anything. It wasn't worth the energy. So I pushed his presence out of my mind and went on with my convo, just about to go back upstairs to work, feeling much better, when he swooped out of the driveway and stopped at the curb right in front of me. He said hi and shoved a flyer in my direction. Told me his name was Big John and that he was giving a party he'd like me to come to. I felt a smile creep onto my face, shook his hand, and told him my name. Then, just like that, he was off. So I took a look at the flyer, scanned down to the bottom and saw this: "30 years and over, NO EXCEPTIONS" and my smile went like this --> :/
I must look my age now. ha! I mean, I get carded at the slots in Vegas, at the liquor store when buying booze for friends/parties, and more than a few kids at my sons school thought I was his sister. But not Big John. He obviously knew I was over 30. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I've always been proud of my age because of the wisdom I'd like to think I've acquired over the years. But I've never really, truly wanted to look it! lol. Not yet, at least. This was all too sudden. I think I needed the news broken to me slowly. haha.
Anyway, I pondered going to Big John's party but yesterday Mai told me that Pacoima, the city that it's taking place in, is full of gangs and ruffian's and not even she, thug lover mami #1, would hang out there. Besides, most 30 and over shindigs consist of a lot of older, pot bellied gentlemen that may have graduated high school around the same time as our parents and rarely ever are there guys right on the cusp and around our age. I'm not looking for an old pervert/sugar daddy who never got married, OR who is married but stepping out to go to Big John's party to see who he can get up on. So, while social, it does not sound like the kind of atmosphere I'd likely enjoy myself in. And I don't even know where Pacoima is.

Thai one on

The cooking class was a success. Mostly because just about everything - the cutting, the chopping, the steaming, and one batch of the chicken - was already prepared for us! Our instructor did have the courtesy of telling us how she seared the chicken and put it in the oven prior to our arrival, and how she steamed the rice over a pot of boiling water. However, hearing how it was done isn't the same as learning how to do it ourselves. You don't exactly learn how to cook by watching the Food Network or Rachel Ray. This was akin to that. The most I did was scramble an egg, soften some rice paper and roll up a spring roll (which was fun, I'll admit). Everyone rolled a spring roll but the rest of our food was prepared by the group as a whole- two people stirred sauces or blended stuff, two dumped sprouts in the pad thai, two mushed peppers, two sauteed some chicken, etc. The peanut sauce (that was made with real peanut butter, by the way) and drizzled over the chicken satee WAS THE BIZ-OMB and I will be making it myself asap. Who knew peanut butter and peppers went so well together. MMmmmm! MMmm! The name of this class was "Thai one on," hence the title of this blog entry.

We look rusted and dusted in these pictures but here go a few. All in all, the set up was wonderful and 90% of the food was delicious (dessert SUCKED. Black rice w/ frosty coconut milk and brown sugar). Our instructor and her assistant were great. My classmates were super cool, with the exception of two Asian girls who screwed up the pad thai because they were dumping sprouts and other ingredients in the bowl with no regard for taste at all. It was basically sprouts with pad thai, rather than the other way around.

Hip Cooks! Here we come!

Tonight, me, Patty and Sharon are meeting at Hip Cooks to try our hand at some delish Thai cuisine. Remember my post about me suddenly hating cooking but loving to eat ? Well, that spawned this mini adventure and I have to say, I am rather excited about it. I'm bringing my camera along, of course, and will take pictures when I remember to, as usual. I don't want to look like too much of a geek though, snapping shots of every little thing. So I doubt there'll be many pictures. I'd look like a lame tourist, like I've never stepped foot in a kitchen before and that'd be embarrassing. No, no, I'm going in there claiming that I know a thing or two...which I do, yet nothing about cooking Thai :). This should be fun. Stay tuned! If I'm not too tired, I'll load the pictures tonight when I get home.

Pool she-bang-bang

Today we filled up the pool in my backyard. I found it on sale last weekend at Big Lots for a hell of a deal and couldn't wait to bust it out. It was warm enough today so the fam came by with lots of food and we all got in. I love my family so much. Here are some of the pictures that I snapped before getting in. That sucker was much bigger than I expected! In this pic it's not full yet.

There was lots of laughter and splashing and my mom ran around squirting everybody with this ridiculous little squirt toy. My cousin got about 20 free beach balls from The Money Store and he actually blew them all up and tossed them in the pool. They made great floaties. Anyway, the bikini pic of me in the cover up is the most I'll display until I drop 20 el bees.

We snuck and ate all the lobster and crab in the kitchen while my nephews and son played video games in his room obliviously .

Today was a good day.

Oh shit! Laila Ali, watch out!

I’m just playing girl ;) But I’m drinking milk! And yesterday I was floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bumble bee, and soon I just may be able to spar with you in the ring!
I feel like a champ this morning. After work yesterday my son’s dad and his brother stopped by to help him get into shape for football season. Keeping my goal of being “Fly in July” in mind, I decided to get up off the couch and go out back to join them. I took my jump rope with me, thinking I’d just skip some rope (like Muhammed Ali himself) while I had the company. The next thing I know, I’m wearing the pink boxing gloves (pink for breast cancer) I bought last year that have been collecting dust in my closet, and I’m jabbing, dodging, and upper-cutting the mitts on my ex’s hands like I’m Laila and the mitts are my bosses round, cherub face. When he started imitating my boss, menacingly telling me to deliver “TPS reports” and goofy stuff like that, I was trying to Pacquiao his hands, son! I had my ipod plugged into my Bose docking station sitting in the window and – you guessed it – Eye of the Tiger was pumping out on repeat. I am so sick of that song, now, lol. I’m thinking about deleting it from my playlist.
When I went back inside, I happily placed a big, black X on my calendar indicating that I had broke a sweat on March 4th :) Then the endorphins, coupled with a nice, warm shower had me calling hogs by 10pm. I slept like an infant.
Today I’ll go for my daily walk at lunch, then when I get home I’ll jump some more rope, do some push ups, crunches and squats. I gave up on Hungry Girl’s website for the moment and started perusing webmd.com for food tips. So far, so good, I haven’t had junk food since Friday *knock on wood.

getting fit and so long le pimp

okay, so i took my "before" picture the other day and it's faaaar from pretty. Much worse than I thought. Pictures tell such a different story than the mirror. I don't know if I'll ever post that mug, lol. I might just put up the "after" picture only so no one will vomit. I also downloaded Eye of the Tiger, as discussed in my chat with Claudine last week, and today we're supposed to do our measurements. Finding food to eat is going to be the most challenging, I think. I hit up Hungry Girls website and came up empty handed because my grocer doesn't carry any of the stuff she suggests, nor does it look all that tasty.
In other news, I think pimp playa himalaya has finally given up. He stopped calling and texting, which is a relief, however, I suspect he's ruined my new friendship with the two ladies that were in his party :( He's clearly a dog but their first loyalty lies with the group and I guess if they think he's into me or that I'm into him, and they know the girlfriend he's trying to cheat on, well, yeah, I'm going to remain on the outside and there will be no salsa dancing this weekend or the next :(. Ah well. Sucks because I couldn't give a shit about him. He didn't even know what insomnia was, lol.

And wouldn't you know, they ordered pizza today

Right after this conversation. And I had 2 slices :/
I'll start my program first thing in the morning :) and I have comrades now! See below:

Scout [10:45 AM]: hey. you still working out
Claudine [10:45 AM]: yup!
Scout [10:45 AM]: want to start a semi challenge?
Claudine [10:46 AM]: lol.. what's the challenge
Scout [10:46 AM]: my goal is to be bikini/hotpants ready by july 4th weekend
Claudine [10:46 AM]: LOL
Scout [10:46 AM]: i'm going to take before and after pics
i'm starting today :/
Claudine [10:47 AM]: that's about 2 months
Scout [10:47 AM]: still not enough time, lol
but i'm going to push myself to look GREAT by that time
wanna do a biggest loser-like challenge?
Claudine [10:47 AM]: lol.. ok what are the rules?
Scout [10:48 AM]: well, we have to begin today. go home and take pictures of yourself in something revealing, like a bikini . THEN, when we reach our deadline we take ANOTHER photo and weigh in
then we treat ourselves, lol
Claudine [10:49 AM]: LOL
ok. i think we should do measurements too
not just weight.. but i want to lose inches
Scout [10:49 AM]: so take the pic, yeah and do measurements too and weigh yourself
me too. do you have measuring tape over there?
Claudine [10:49 AM]: i can bring it tomorrow if you want
Scout [10:50 AM]: who else can we get to suffer with us?
Claudine [10:50 AM]: you'll have an advantage this month though
cuz i've been working out, so i'm not at my peak weight losing
hmm... who would want to suffer....
Scout [10:50 AM]: i'm not either, really.
all that walking and it doesn't work anymore
i'm going to have to up the ante
Claudine [10:51 AM]: honestly, i don't know anyone else that would want to participate
Scout [10:51 AM]: maybe i'll jog
i've been walking around my 'hood
but i want to lose this tire around my waist BAD
Claudine [10:52 AM]: haha.. i know exactly what you mean
Scout [10:52 AM]: it's sitting in my lap laughing at me as i type this, lol
Claudine [10:52 AM]: ok... july 4th is a saturday
LOL!
Scout [10:52 AM]: we'll share our pictures the following weekend
Claudine [10:52 AM]: sounds good to me
I'm down
Scout [10:52 AM]: BET! yay!
Claudine [10:52 AM]: hahaha
as long as i'm not losing money
Scout [10:53 AM]: exactamundo!
win-win
Claudine [10:53 AM]: ok, cool
let me know if you find any other victims, i mean, participants
Scout [10:53 AM]: what about steph?
Claudine [10:53 AM]: OH YEAH
she has to.. she's going to be in a wedding!
Scout [10:53 AM]: PERFECT!
*insert wicked laughter here
Claudine [10:54 AM]: LOL
you want to tell her or should i?
Scout [10:56 AM]: oh, could you?
since you're over there already
Claudine [10:57 AM]: no problemo
Scout [10:57 AM]: i'm kind of excited
Claudine [10:57 AM]: lol. for now!
hahahhaa
Scout [10:57 AM]: haha. i know
Claudine [10:58 AM]: ok, i'm telling steph
hey, if you want some help, www.sparkpeople.com is a great website
Scout [10:59 AM]: oooh! i'll check it out. thx
Claudine [10:59 AM]: sure.. my doctor recommended it
also, you can go on youtube and put 5 minute workouts..
and there are 5 minute mini workout videos
Scout [10:59 AM]: GOOD ideas!
Claudine [11:00 AM]: you can do all of them in sequence, and i think it's about.. 30 minutes of strength training
Scout [11:00 AM]: training videos will be obsolete soon
Claudine [11:00 AM]: yup
ok.. good luck missy!
Scout [11:00 AM]: now i'm hearing the rocky theme in my head
Claudine [11:00 AM]: lol
Scout [11:00 AM]: you know, i think i'll add that to my ipod for motivation, lol
Claudine [11:01 AM]: hahaha.. do it
Scout [11:01 AM]: I shall. good luck to you too, partner
Claudine [11:03 AM]: Stephanie [11:03 AM]:
I'M TOTALLY IN!!!!!!!!!
Claudine [11:03 AM]: woot! lol
Scout [11:03 AM]: HOLLA!!!!
Claudine [11:03 AM]: haha.. ok, yay!
i'm pretty excited
Scout [11:04 AM]: ALL ABOARD THE "GET FLY" EXPRESS! WOOT WOOT! LOL
Claudine [11:04 AM]: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
that's hilarious
ok.. i think i'll start tonight
yay!!
Scout [11:05 AM]: so i'll be checking in with you guys periodically
Claudine [11:05 AM]: ditto
Scout [11:05 AM]: we have to stay motivated
Claudine [11:05 AM]: ok
cool..

Beach ball tossing season is upon us

Time to peel off the layers now that the weather is warming up. Bikini’s have been in stores since early March for some bizarre reason, jumpstarting the season ridiculously soon and putting mad pressure on us hibernators to get fit. I know, because I took my jiggly ass into Target and Old Navy looking for workout clothes around that time and ended up annoyed with the lack of yoga pants on the racks. Retailers are too ambitious and not following seasonal protocol which dictates that around March we begin to reshape our curves (less is more, lol) and come June, we’re beach ready. So, unsurprisingly, I’m not ready. I have two cute new swimsuits though, that I bought at a super bargain. However, they may never see the beach this summer if I don’t get my rear into gear. I can't even say that I'm shorts ready :( I don't want to have to wear soccer mom shorts. Therefore, my goal is to haul ass and be bikini and shorts ready by the 4th of July weekend (Memorial Day weekend may be a bit too ambitious for me). It’s going to be challenging but I’m up for it. My son has started football practice and will be working extra hard himself with bootcamp/hell week on the horizon, so I plan to box and lift weights and run around the neighborhood with him after work and on weekends.

Now that it's in bold, black print, tossed out into the universe for others to see, I have to end my couch potato ways and force myself to complete this mission. And to further push myself, I will post before and after pics following the weekend of July 4th.
OMG, now I'm nervous. If anyone wants to join me in my suffering, please let me know :), lol.

Vegas Jazz Fest pics have been loaded

check out the photobucket link to the right. I added about 30 pictures from my trip. Enjoy!

Do you like pina coladas...and getting caught in the rain?

I'm baaaack! and yes, my dear Tre, I had a grand old time. So much to tell, so much to say, where to begin??? Vegas is like a big, city-wide party, but it's moreso a man's town than it is a woman's. The ground in Vegas is littered with naked women. Literally. You can’t walk a block without passing a line of Latino men and women in "girls, girls, girls" t-shirts, all snapping business card sized porn at you that feature naked women in every pose imaginable. They snap the little cards with their fingers and practically shove them in your face, so instinctually many people end up accepting them and then dropping them to the ground before they reach the end of the block. Vegas is a man’s town. I say this every time I visit, which is often, and it’s mainly because vagina is everywhere. From the scantily clad waitresses, cocktail girls, female bar dancers, 95% naked female slot machine pole dancers (they’re a fairly new phenomenon and they dance atop the slot machines while men watch and dump their money into the machines), peep show girls, club hopping female tourists, to the burlesque performers, strippers, and prostitutes, it's an abundantly sexually charged atmosphere. When I was younger, I had penis envy. I used to be jealous of boys because it seemed like they had more fun, could do practically whatever they wanted and nothing was taboo. They were physically stronger and nobody covered their eyes during the love scenes in movies when we were kids. It was so unfair. And now they have Las Vegas where they don't have to worry about being kidnapped and carted off to who knows where (women have been snatched right off Las Vegas Blvd. but the police seem to be more present these days), every billboard has a naked woman on it regardless of what's really being advertised (but what's really being advertised? methinks it's not just $2.99 steak and eggs but $2.99 steak, eggs and sex with a woman), and it's girls, girls, girls all the time, everywhere you look. However, now that I'm older I see that my jealousy was unwarranted simply because now that I am older and can do whatever I want...I really don't want to do any of those scandalous, risque, whorish things that men do in Vegas. I figure, even if I were a man, none of that stuff would fit my personality. I'd be one of those guys boo'd up with my honey and happily watching the water show at the Bellagio. I love that water show. No matter how often I watch it, it just warms me up and buttery inside. Especially when they play Luck be a Lady. What a great song! And watching the water dance to the music makes me want to dance, I feel so whimsical and romantic.

So anyway, the drunken men and women did serve as great entertainment for me. So many women in spandex freak-em dresses hitting just beneath their asses, so one false move and it was moon's-ville for all. Screaming and flashing abounded regardless, though and "whooo! Hooooo!" was the catch phrase. One guy had a pair of plastic breasts strung around his neck and kept yelling at other men "quit looking at my boobs!" It was funny. Karaoke was funny too. I was so preoccupied that I often forgot to pull out my camera so I didn't get enough pics :( Sorry yall. I did get some though, and one of them is of ME WITH MARION MEADOWS WHO JAMMED THE FUCK OUT OF THE JAZZ FEST! He's pretty short so even with me scooching down, he still looks miniscule in the photo. And it was hot out there with a nice breeze, however, I still ended up with my sweaty deodorized pits on his shoulder. I'm going to load the pictures tonight and post them soon but see me and Marion to the right.

Lots of caravaning and mobile homes seen on the road to Nevada and on the way I got the crew to sing the song in this posts title:

If you like Pina Coladas

And getting caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga

If you have half a brain

If you'd like making love at midnight

In the dunes on the Cape

Then I'm the love that you've looked for

Write to me and escape!

So at the jazz festival I had my very first real drink ever :) (Bartels and James and other wine coolers don't count). Actually, it was so good I decided to have two. I drank Malibu rum mixed with pineapple/orange juice and it was delicious. And I’m pretty sure I’ll have another one again the next time I’m out. Very tropical tasting, coconut and pineapple and o.j. and I felt grown as hell, lol. Marion Meadow's came out first and half way through his performance he hopped off stage and played his horn right there in the crowd, playing to children, dancing with women and dapping men. He had everyone on their feet after telling us to give our butts a rest.
We took a picnic in - shrimp, jello-shooters, chicken, chips, grapes, wine, strawberries, watermelon, cake, etc. - and while I was chilling in my beach chair a cute, super buff guy came over to talk to me. He came with a group of guys and I noticed them earlier but paid him no mind at all until he came over to me and asked me if I wanted a drink. They had a cooler full of alcohol but I'm no real drinker and I already had my malibu/pineapple drink so I told him thanks but no thanks, I don't drink. And then I felt like such a nerd. I'm thinking maybe I ought to stop telling people that because they either think I'm a recovering alcoholic, or they look at me like I'm Mother Theresa and they are frightened, lol. Anyway, so while we're chatting his cellphone rang (mm hmm) and he answered it (rude!) but stayed there next to me talking to his cousin (he told me who it was). He asked me to excuse him and otherwise, he was mannerable and pleasant. I continued to flip through my magazine, pretty much blocking him and his convo out but I did manage to hear him bigging himself up a bit and bragging about his cousin who is allegedly Floyd Mayweather's bodyguard. Big whoop. I knew then that he took me for an easily impressed blondie, which I most certainly am not, and he figured if he had "connects" I'd be beating his hotel room door down to get into his pants. NOT. He asked me to call him later on so that maybe we could hang out. I said "okay." Then Masa came on stage and I wanted to get pictures of her so I excused myself from his cellphone convo and got up to go walk around the ampitheater and snap shots. That's when I met "Candy Cane."

"Candy" (not his real name but one we gave him because of his red and white get-up) stopped me and asked me if I would take a picture of him. Sure, I said. So there's "Candy" right there to the right. I told him I was going to add this picture to my blog. In case you're wondering, Candy had on red shoes as well.

I head back to my campsite and I noticed the cute, buff, pimp playa himalaya was now grinning all up in some woman's face. And she was grinning hoard, yall, so I knew then that it was a "you can get it" grin and not just a friendly "hey, how you doin, bruh? Good to see ya" moment. He spots me and he tries to subdue his convo but she's touchy-feely and he's not stopping her. I turn back to my magazine and my aunt notices him putting the woman's number into his phone. I then mentally erase him from my rolodex. All that day I noticed him making his rounds, grinning and smiling and adding numbers to his phone. Ugh. And he had such great arms too, but oh well. Another one to add to the peace pile. The only reason not to delete his number from my phone is so that if/when he calls me his name will appear on my caller ID. But at that moment, I decide he will never hear from me again.

On my way back from the bathroom and taking my picture with Marion Meadows, Candy Cane spots me and asks for my blog address, wondering how he's going to get to see the picture that I took of him. We begin to talk and he's a sweet, cuddly, somewhat awkward bear, but it is truly endearing to me. So as I'm putting Candy's email address into my phone I see Pimp Playa Himalaya peeking up at me from down at the bottom of the hill. I pretend like I don't see him, then I tell Candy I gotta go because my party was standing there waiting for me (you know women usually go to the bathroom in pairs or groups, lol).

I'll be back with more later. I have a suntan and need to tend to slight sunburn on my ta-ta's from sitting in the sun with semi-cleavage.

Countdown!

On my drive home from work today I was so giddy I threw my head back and yelled out "I'm on vacation, bitchessssss!" Now my window's were rolled up so I had no qualms about doing this at all. Then I noticed an Asian man in the car beside me smiling at me a little too hard. Oops.
Anyway, I'm sure I overpacked. You can never be too prepared when traveling and with this wacky weather we're having, I'd best be ready. It was 100 degrees on Wednesday, 85 on Thursday and around 68 and windy today. So in my bag are both sandals and boots, short rompers and jeans, a wrap, a spaghetti-strapped sundress, a jacket and a sweater...among many, many other things :) And I'd bet the house that I am forgetting something. I always forget something.
We hit the road bright and early tomorrow and I've talked the driver into picking me up so I don't have to drive to their house in traffic to meet them. I am so delighted to be off work tomorrow I can hardly stand it. Yippee kye AYE.
I'll try to post pictures soon.

Men are a strange breed

One thing I can say for women is that if there’s anything on our dome, we generally want to talk about it . We don’t expect you to read our minds because we understand that most folks are not mind readers (yes, I'm generalizing but I can do that, it's my blog. I welcome all rebuttals though :) ). Throughout most of my relationship with my ex he fully expected me to be able to read his mind. When I was younger, I used to try, lol. I’d actually waste time trying to put the pieces together, pinpoint exactly when and where his tizzy began and what we were both doing at that time, like I was Columbo and shit. Eventually, I’d give up and go on about my business, actively not speaking to someone who wasn’t speaking to me. At which point he’d realize I had given up and was no longer going to suffer his foolishness. No attention was being paid to that nonsense. So then he’d either want to discuss the issue – weeks or months after the fact and if I didn’t write it down I damn sure wouldn’t remember. Yes, I believe he was/is crazy – or he'd pretend like nothing ever happened at all because he was either over it by then, or he wanted me to suffer more time in fruitless thought. Naturally, after years of this ridiculousness, I had become a pro at dealing with it and the wait time (or my “suffering” time) lessened greatly and what used to take a month, would take a week. So he’d try new tricks. Games, of course, like his trusty video game system or all the programs on ESPN, from golf to basketball to football and even tennis. I am a mother and haven’t the time to regularly entertain bullshit mind games. Enjoy at your leisure but don’t try to hijack my time. Let’s argue and get to the bottom of the issue because I’ve got shit to do.

So now he’s on another binge. We are no longer a couple and we don’t live together. This weekend I will be funning and suning in Las Vegas and our son will be in his full care. This has been the plan for over two months. Three weeks ago, my ex was woe-is-me’ing about two personal issues in his life, both dealing with money (mm hmm). I felt really bad and offered to help where I could but he wouldn’t tell me the specifics of his issues – just that they were awful. Okay, so not knowing what, exactly, is going on, I’m sort of limited in my assistance here. But I let him know that I’m here to help where possible, just say the word. Having known him forever I suspected he was playing some sort of game but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Shortly after that I caught him in a lie about something that pertained to us and an agreement we made. It was so obviously a lie, and while I was disappointed, I’m not one to make a huge deal of many things. My modus operandi is to quit dealing with a person in a specific capacity, rather than waste my time bitching and moaning. Wash my hands of it and keep it moving, unless waging a battle is absolutely imperative. Otherwise, if you show me you can’t be trusted, it’s quite simple – I just won’t trust your ass anymore. Period. However, before I lathered up and prepared to rinse, I had to ask him/confront him (in a nice way) just to make sure he knew that I knew and to rule out any uncertainties. He became defensive (of course. There's my confirmation!) and angry, and didn’t want to talk about it, his show was on. He never called me back. I washed my hands. Fast forward a week and he’s texting me about something routine with our son. I decide to ask him if everything was alright w/ his awful personal situation, told him I wished him the best and all that. He loses it and says he doesn’t want to deal with my bullshit. I remain calm (we’re texting), tell him that I was coming from a place of sincerity but I understand (basically, fuck you too! Asshole! I aint got time for this!) so I will leave him be from here on out. Then I dried my hands rather vigorously. Went on about my business. Why come the following day he’s being super duper nice to me? Cooking for me, asking me if I need this, that and the third, smiling and obviously crazy and/or up to something. I kept my cold composure and let it be what it be. He’s known me for years as well so he knows I have moved on and won’t be dealing with his bullshit. He starts to blow up my phone with niceties. I ignore 80% of them, leaving him alone, as promised. Then yesterday he texted me asking for a HUGE favor. I tell him, in so many words, “no problem. But what happened to you not wanting to deal with my bullshit?”
He flips and says “See!? That’s what I’m talking about. Forget it then!! FORGET IT!”
Dude is loco. I'm not going to feed the beast, but instead I will ignore him and go to Vegas worry free. If I bite, my entire weekend will be in jeopardy and I am NOT trying to have that happen. Loco-ono is on his own. VIVA LAS VEGAS, BABY!!!!

Addendum

last weekend, i met a 50 cent wannabe driving around shirtless in a range rover, looking like he was swole off 'roids (or prison :/). i used to complain about not being approached by guys (still do) but now that i've somewhat gotten over that hump, i can only hope that the pursuers get better the louder i get WHERE ARE ALL THE QUALITY MEN?? lol <---to keep from crying and pulling my hair out. I'm not totally frustrated yet. But I'm surely getting there.

Eating strawberry shortcake and watching TV

I'm so ready to date. I think. Or maybe I'm just bored...nah, I think I want to date. Meanwhile, Mr. Ed Choppers at my job http://musefromabroad.blogspot.com/2009/02/la-di-da.html is on her fourth guy in a month. What the hell, right? I'm obviously hanging in the wrong spots. I met some young whipper snapper named TJ a couple of weeks ago but he's really not right for me at all. He's scrawny with bad teeth (I'm talking Austin Powers grill) and even worse fashion sense. Plus, he's only 25. Again, where are the grown men!? Hopefully, they're in Las Vegas this weekend.
On Sunday, I met some Fiddy Cent wannabe in a Range Rover at a stop light. He was driving around shirtless and souped up on 'roids, listening to some super raunchy rap music I've never heard before. Who drives around shirtless? Murderers? Woman beaters? Weirdo's? I told him I was gay and he said "so?" 0_o "So I don't date men. I prefer women. Sorry."
The hell? I still don't think he got it. This can't be all that's out there. But it is my life, unfortunatley :(
I actually have a crush but nothing can come of it. You may be surprised to know that this doesn't bother me. It's safe and I don't have to shave my legs for it. Sometimes the idea is better than the actual thing.
The last guy I was sort of interested in, I inadvertently insulted. I asked him if he came here with stars in his eyes, like most folks do, "Then when their dreams don't pan out, they run home and talk shit about LA and its shallow citizens, lol." Turns out, he wants to be a model/actor/dancer. I should've known. Dah, well.

Getting ready for my mini-vacay

I just bought a black, string bikini for 7.99. Ross fucking rocks, man. Last year, I bought an adorable tankini for .50. No friggin lie; FIFTY CENTS. I swear, Ross is putting folks out of business (sorry Chicks!). They are the best when you're bargain shopping. I also copped four pairs of shoes, a heather gray short, strapless romper, and another cute little shorts suit.
So the plan is to hit the pool as soon as I cross the state line into Vegas and check into my hotel. My fingers and tootsies are bubble gum candy-coated pink and come tomorrow my hair will be Hot Toffee Golden Brown and shining like new money. I'm bringing my big, clunky camera along for the trip and will be taking a gabillion pictures for the ole bliggidy-blog.
We take off Friday morning and I've a feeling this is going to feel like a looooooong week until then.

Go Green!

With Earth day right around the corner (April 22nd) I thought it'd be nice to list some things we all can do to protect/help our environment:

1. Energy saving light bulbs. Saves you money on your electric bill as well ;)

2. Turn off the faucet while brushing your teeth, and take one from the Fockers, lol, who said: "when it's brown, flush it down. When it's yellow, let it mellow." Within reason, of course. This is also another good money saver, as well as water saver.

3. Energy star appliances - my city gives rebates when you buy them. I just got my $150 rebate check in the mail for my sexy stainless steel fridge. <----another $$$ saver

4. Bike, walk, carpool, train, metro/bus IT!! Gas is expensive and costly to the environment.

5. Be water smart! Water your lawn once a week and less during rainy season. Don't hose down sidewalks or pavements. The very real threat of global warming makes conserving water most imperative. California, for one, has been experiencing droughts and water shortages for YEARS.

6. Weatherstrip your house to keep cool air in when it's hot and warm air in when it's cold. This'll keep your heating and cooling bills low as well. Double win ;)

7. RECYCLE - plastic bottles, cans, glass (just about anything really. Don't believe me? Google it and see. I even recycle all those sales papers I get in the mail) and then use the money to go buy slurpies or something. Three medium bags of plastic should net you about $6, glass and aluminum cans will get you even more. Every little bit adds up to a lot. And recycling one ton of aluminum saves as much electricity as a typical household uses over a 10-year period. If you don't want to save these items to recycle yourself, your city might offer bins for you to dump them in to be recylcled. But if you like slurpies and extra lunch money, like me, there should be a recycling center on your grocery store parking lot.

8. Shop at your local farmers' market! Saves on transportation (CO2 emissions from trucks) from farms to markets because you're buying directly from the farmers and cutting out all of the middle men. Every 'hood has one, just Google to find yours. Turns out, mines is right down the street from me, within walking distance, and takes place every Saturday morning until noon. I just spent $5 on 3 bunches of delicious strawberries and we're having strawberry shortcake for dessert :).

9. Reuse those plastic grocery/shopping bags OR, better yet, don't accept them at all. Buy reusable grocery bags from Rite Aid, hardware stores, Trader Joe's, IKEA, or nap sacks from just about anywhere. Keep them in the trunk of your car and take them out whenever you go grocery shopping.
10. Plant a tree.

HAPPY EARTH DAY!~~~~~~~

It's a new day

I'm no longer angry. And not because my ex sent my son home last night with a plate of food for me to take for lunch today, trying to make amends. Although that did help a bit. The situation isn't lost on me. I merely slept on it. Part of me wants to delete that post but I won't. If I didn't still care about that ridiculous man I doubt this would bother me as much. But having him as an integral part of my life for 15 years, it's virtually impossible for me, with my nature, to treat him like a stranger who doesn't matter (I'm working on that though and if he keeps this up he will shuttle me right along to that point pretty quickly). We've shared a lot of life.
Anyway, TGIF and all that. I have a Happy Hour Mani Pedi appointment with mi madre later on today and I'm really REALLY looking forward to it. One week from today, we'll be on our way to Vegas for the jazz festival :)

GrrrrRrrrrrR!

I could bite the head off a little chick right now. Or better yet, my ex. He is on some special sauce this week. I have no idea how I lasted as long as I did in that relationship but I finally feel like my "Patience of a Saint" trophy is truly deserved (thanks Pat). I will cherish that cute little malibu barbie until she can no longer stand proudly on her pedestal (pics and backstory soon come. it's really one of the cutest and most thoughtful gifts I've ever been given.)
Anyway, so I've given this idiot (my ex, if yall can't keep up) so much, helped him out in SO many ways, and what do I get today when I'm trying to continue my nobel reign of support in the face of HIS miserable lifes bullshit?? Shit. I got shit, yall. This asshole snubbed me and my sincere offer to assist him with his wack ass life, as if I hadn't been the only person on Earth helping him for almost half my life (it went both ways at first but now it's leaning heavily to one side). I really didn't deserve that. Now, I won't divulge all of my business online but suffice it to say that he is royally getting the fuck over right now yet he still insists on acting like a little entitled bitch, as if he's not getting the fuck over right now, but I refuse to believe that I spent almost half of my life with an idiot, and you'd have to be an idiot not to see that he's getting the fuck over right now. I refuse to believe that. I did not spend almost half of my life with a zip damn fool. But I am a child of God, you see, so I will not let him buckle my stride nor take me down that miserable road with his miserable good for nothing ass. "He aint nothing but the devil" (c) Tanya's grandma.
Starting today, I am going to cease communication, or just keep it to a minimum since we do have a child in common, and let his retarded ass fall on his stupid face. My life is peachy right now :) Sucks to be him. Fucking bitch.

Anyway, so the backstory on the trophy goes like this: My dear old buddy old pal, Patty and I were once sharing a joke about this annoying little woman named Marilou getting awarded our company's "Traveling Trophy," which is really just a Barbie doll with pom-poms hoisted up on a little pedestal with Marilou's name engraved on it. Pat said that I really deserved that trophy because I had to put up with my insufferable (at the time. he's gotten 100 times better) boss, which was no easy task by any stretch of the imagination. So we laughed, we cried (from laughing) and we went to lunch. A week later, Patty calls me up and says to come and meet her outside. I go, and she hands me a Converse shoe box. I raise an eyebrow, a bit puzzled but I am not one to frown at a gift so I opened it. Inside was a BLACK (Black was important because I had complained one year about the lack of Black dolls on the market during the holidays and almost got kicked out of Target, lol) Malibu Barbie doll standing on a pedestal that was engraved with "Patience of a Saint" and my full government name on it. To say I was touched wouldn't be enough. I am still in love with my Barbie and she sits proudly on my desk a whole three years later, hair just as crinkly as ever, smiling for all assholes to see. And today's episode with King Loser proves that my patience still hasn't worn thin. I haven't lost my cool :)
*knock on wood

Idle chit chat with Tasha

(Posted with permission) like that commercial says, when i grow up i wanna be an old woman :)

Scout: when i joke about being a golden girl, living in a house w/ my mama and some friends, I’m half serious
and i'm really starting to feel womanly these days
like, i got a silver strand in my bangs and my body is showing many "womanly" signs
it's kinda cool.
it's interesting too
T: Girl, apparently when EYE'm goin through somethin
my girls be goin through it, too
now you talkin this womanly thing and for some reason, i been feelin that, too
like, my skin is gettin prettier and my hair is doin its thing and I found threeee gray strands, lawd
Scout: at first i tripped over my gray
but then ***** called me storm trying to be funny
and would you know, my ass dug it. lol
T: See, you told me about yours, so somethin told me to look for mines---FOUND IT!
I woulda kicked that fool in his unfunny ass nuts, lol
I gotcho Storm
lol
Scout: naw, i smiled.
i think storm is hot
shit, i dressed as her for halloween
lol
T: dudes got jazzy mouths, though, lol That IS kinda sexy.. Where you get the wig from?
Scout: i'll be a sexy gray mama, alright
i bought it online. but it was wack compared to this long wig i saw at a wig shop but by the time i got around to buying it somebody had beat me to it
but i'mma find that wig again. the one i got is for dress up/costume so it's already shedding
T: ugh, i hate that
Scout: it's only meant for dress up so i'm not surprised
but the other one is a bonafide wig
i want that shit
i've seen some sexy gray haired ladies out there
i think it'd be cool to look like that
sophisticated and like you got some money in yo pocket book
AND the bank, lol
practical but like you’ve got all your ducks in a row
that's something to look forward to, i think
i don't envy the 20somethings
not at all
T: girl
like,
it would take a whole LOTTA money to get me to relive my 20s
matterfact, to do the stuff I WISH I had done then, I'd need more money, lol
but
It still wouldn't be enough for all the emotional shit--the growth
Scout: yeah, i aint trying to go back. i like where i am now and wouldn't trade my experiences for another go ‘round
i'm straight
i wanna do so much more living.
T: exactly
Scout: i wanna live in the new body that i've come to love, this one that i have now
i wanna travel and see the world and learn more things
now that i know what i know
about life and living
T: I think it'd be much more fun to see the world NOW, with everything that I am and everything that I know, vs. seeing it back then, when I was so young and green and unappreciative
T: stop sayin the same shit I'm sayin, please, damn
lol
Scout: that fucking energy is SKRONG! lol
Tasha: No doubt
Scout: and i feel strong
T: lol
Scout: not like i did back in my 20s
i was weak then
T: girl, I was so wobbly inside
Scout: i feel like i've finally gotten a grasp on life now
on who i am
T: Like, you know that hyperventilating you do when you’ve been weeping over something? That shaky on the inside feeling? That's how I describe my whole 20's. I'm still there some days. I’m not all the way there.
Scout: yeah, there are times when my anxiety levels are a notch up there
and it's not a good feeling
that worry and uncertainty
not being able to really let go and relax in the knowledge that EYE GOT THIS
and i got this now.
so there's no need to worry but sometimes my anxiety pops back up for old times sake, to say "hey bitch! I'm still here"
just so i won't forget how far i've come :)
i just gotta tell that asshole to settle down
i got this
T: girl, i told you that analogy of my father payin for those swimmin lessons for us at the Y in Seattle...and how i'd start out at one end of the pool and swim with the proper technique for as faaar as I could, then stand up and look back at the wall to see how far I'd come? Well, I do that in life.
I look back on situations and people and see how far I've come
Scout: you’ve got to.
you gotta reflect
you won't know where you're going if you don’t have a clue where you've been
we're making progress, mama
:)
i think i'mma be a happy golden girl
i sometimes pass these lil old ladies sitting out at the Corner Cafe in the morning
and i wonder if they're happy w/ how far they've come
i want to be content w/ myself and my life at their age
i wonder if those ladies are happy w/ the choices they made
T: I would hope they would be
Scout: and if they’ve got some good stories to tell
T: I hope I will be
hell, i got good stories NOW, so I KNOW I'll have some in 40 years
Scout: yup
lol
we just had a STELLA convo.
T: ha
Scout: i'm going to save and edit this for my blog.

Easter

Every holiday gets sadder for me. My family seems to be drifting apart as I get older, as my cousins age, as my nieces and nephews grow and go on to do their own things, apart from the family. I feel like I'm an island of one. Okay, two, maybe three. This Easter was no exception. The saddest part of all is that this whole ordeal is making me want to have a bunch of kids, which is totally insane. Anyway, this Easter sucked. How could I not see this coming? Ugh. Maybe I expect too much. My mama's deviled eggs were good though, as usual.

Unfortunately, I'm not tech savvy

Some of you have expressed concern over my chopped off picture link down there to the side of the page. Welp, it took me a gabillion years and 10 tons of patience just to get that link to show up on the page at all, lol...so in my mind, that equates to a heap of progress. However, I haven't the patience to sit and fiddle with it any longer, so if you'd like to check out my photo's just click on them and voila! you will be magically transported to my Photobucket page where you can peruse to your hearts content :) Go'n and be nosey. I encourage you to. ;)

10 things that make me happy

1. Cheesecake - plain is best, imo

2. Books - I collect them, I adore them, I cannot get enough of them. Currently, I'm torn between "Gary Benchely, Rock star" and "Their Eye's Were Watching God" as the book that makes me the happiest. Both have FANTASTIC characters.

3. Declutterization - Not sure that's a word but I'm ALL about removing the unnecessary objects (clutter) from my life and breathing space. Everyone should do inventory control at least once a year and clean house.

4. Kissing fish :) - They really make me happy. I had a pair when I was little and one lived for 15 years. His name was "Jaws" and he's burried under a bush in my mom's old front yard.

5. Pajamas - Was that a surprise? lol. I have a drawer stuffed full of them and have been looking for a nice lingerie cabinet for years in order to store more (I also have a ton of underwear). Nothing says comfort like a good pair of pajamas. I think better in them. I'm happiest in them.

6. Cold, windy, rainy days - Watching the rain is calming. And on days like this, it's as if the world is in the rinse cycle, getting cleaned and almost like new. I stop and take notice, as most of us should, and slow my roll. "God is at work" (c) some old person, I don't recall who .

7. Gidget - She was the shit! I watched Gidget re-runs in the 80s faithfully and was quite fond of Sally Field. There's still a soft spot in my heart for her. She was footloose and fancy-free, adventerous, funny, quirky, happy and sweet, and she rocked bikini's for most of the week and chilled on the beach w/ laid back surfers and hippies. What a life!

8. Bubble baths - They force me to meditate whilst getting clean. They're certainly the bees knees to this multitasker.

9. The ocean - Something about water. Perhaps it's my zodiac sign (Aquarius/water bearer), I dunno. But I love, love, love the ocean. It's powerful, wonderful, and relaxing. Once, in April, we sailed off to Anacapa Island and left the smog and chaos of the city in the distance. It was glorious watching all that calamity get smaller and smaller until it was out of sight, and all that was left was us and nature. It's the epitome of smelling the flowers to me. Makes you really put things into perspective when you get such a BIG picture like that.

10. Finding money - Who in the hell wouldn't find happiness in that!?!?! :) Enough said.

Fixing up the chateau

My sexy, new refrigerator is here! Well, not HERE here but it's in store, ready for me to pick it up. I decided not to have it delivered for $70, but instead to reserve a $20 u-haul truck and pick it up myself. I have to pick up my manpower in an hour.
My fridge is gorgeous. LG calls it "titanium" but my only concern is that it's fingerprint proof and is 22 cu :). It also boasts a bottom-mounted freezer so now all of my cool viddles will be at eye-level. I'm so thrilled. Next step in the kitchen is painting the cabinets, putting in a back-splash behind the stove, installing a schnazzy new floor and eventually getting a new stove. I'm also thinking of opening up one of the cabinets by removing a door and having open shelving to create the illusion of space. It's so small in there so rather than spend a small fortune on renovating (I was initially toying with the idea of knocking out a wall and expanding the room), I'm just going to upgrade what I have and use color and a few tricks to make the space seem larger. I have no idea how long I'm going to live in this house yet, so I'm taking my time with the upgrades. It's only been 11 months and some change and I've done a lot as it is.
Yesterday, we did a heap of yard work and I can't stop peaking outside and smiling. A clean house - inside and out - gives you such a good feeling. The lawn and bushes look so neat. I put down some solar stake lights as well. Hopefully, they'll get enough sun today so that I can see them glowing tonight. I still want Japanese lanterns but I can't find large, solar powered ones that I like anywhere. I'm going to keep looking, though.
Next on the list of house to-do's: installing my chandelier, painting the borders of the dining room mirror, new crown molding, colorful adirondack chairs in the backyard, Japanese solar lanterns, creating a mirror/tv combo to go over the fireplace (I saw a really neat trick in a design magazine) and re-sanding the hardwood floor in the living and dining rooms. Some day, I'd like to have solar panels installed on the roof but that's much farther down the line since they cost upwards of 10g's and, like I said, I'm not sure how long I'll be here. For now, I'm plenty comfy and it feels great :)

Harlequin Romances

In Jr. High, my friend Bianca and I were avid Harlequin romance readers. To us, the stories were a delicious taste of the forbidden. Lines like "Todd's manhood throbbed with passion as he watched Tabitha undress" thrilled our pubescent imaginations. Is that what sex was like? A scene out of a Harlequin romance? I gulped the Kool-Aid and soon we were resorting to crime in order to get our hands on as many books as possible. At the rear of every book there was a subscription card you could mail off to receive four books at a discount every month. Well, since neither of us had a job or any money to pay for a subscription, we decided to send off for books under an alias. Samantha Crabapple, for instance. I was scared as hell but brave Bianca assured me that we'd be ok. We were minors, she reasoned. If the folks at Harlequin were dumb enough to send us books, they deserved to be had. And besides, they likely expected such a thing, given the ease at which it was to obtain these books free of charge. She was right. It was way too easy, so I went along. We got our four books per month and devoured them like candy, highly anticipating the looooove scenes. Then in stepped my fast and worldly, older cousin. "You really wanna know what sex is like," she asked us.
We did.
So she ripped a sheet of paper out of my notebook and drew a tiny little dot on it. "This is you," she said. Then she looked at us to make sure we were at full attention.
We were.
"And this is sex," she took the pencil into her fist and, with all of her might, STABBED the tiny little dot, ripping the page.
We were officially scarred.
Although, we continued to read the books until Harlequin got hip to our scheme and stopped sending them to us. That's when we graduated to magazine subscriptions - Elle, Mademoiselle, Vogue, etc. - and a whole new batch of drama ensued: Body image.

Silence

I have a lot on my mind right now and I'm not sure how to get it all off. It's 10:32pm, a half hour and 2 minutes past my weekday bedtime. It's amazing how things can go from sugar to shit in a days time. Just the other day I was even-steven, floating on a cloud, no worries, no stress. Now today someone I care a great deal about may be losing their job and I stumbled upon some info that I can't even bring myself to type here. But suffice it to say that the shit wasn't good news. I'm not totally down, though. I am a little worried, sad, but not without hope and confidence that my fluffy cloud will reappear and I can hop back on it with ease. Tomorrow is a new day. And this is not the worse that could happen, thank God. Things will turn up roses...soon enough.
I should really be in bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.
goodnight.